Mothering Sunday- Advice please on balancing being a daughter and a Mum

[MrsNai]

As I am now a Mum I would love to spend Mothering Sunday being able to enjoy it as a celebration of becoming a Mum and being a Mum. However, both my mother and mother-in-law still seem to feel that Mothering Sunday is for everyone to celebrate them rather than the younger generation of Mums in our family.

Given that I had left home well before becoming a Mum and Mothering Sunday was down to a card, call, occasional visit (if work and other plans permitted) and small gift, I am not sure whether this isn't a reaction to a fear of aging. Also, both my Mum and MIL are generally lovely so am trying to keep calm, firmly state we have plans but organise appropriate cards and gifts.

How does everyone balance the demands of their own Mums with their desire to celebrate Mothering Sunday for themselves?

Also, I make sure each gets a card from their DG along with a small gift. DH reckons that is lunacy as it isn't grandmothers' day, what does everyone think?

Hard to believe so many grown women set such store by this shitey fake holiday.

I don’t get this at all! Mothers Day is a load of commercial crap designed to sell pointless cards and make money for card companies. I really cannot get my head around all of you taking it so seriously?

I completely ignore the day, haven’t a clue when it is, have never bought my Mum a card, same as my kids don’t buy me one. DH doesn’t get anything for his mother either - wouldn’t even occur to him to do that. As for ‘celebrating’ and going out to dinner to celebrate? Celebrate what exactly? Celebrate that someone who works for Hallmark had a genius money making idea that you have all fallen for?

For goodness sake - stop buying into all of this Mothers Day, Fathers Day commercial crap - the whole thing it is a load of rubbish!

Wow randomnumbers, for someone who 'completely ignores the day' you seem very cross about it.

children learn kindness by seeing it being modelled.

Of course children learn kindness by example. That should be happening on every day of the year.

if you have a toddler/infant age child, it gives them enormous pleasure to be helped to do something nice.

It's perfectly appropriate for Daddy to help the child do something nice for Mummy that is meaningful to them on Mothering Sunday. However, it isn't the father's responsibility to run round after the mother all day because it's 'her day'. That's just plain ridiculous.

if you have a baby then by god you deserve a bit of extra love and tlc and a bit of acknowledgment of how hard it all is.

Of course it's nice for mothers of small babies to have a break now and then and be appreciated for all they do. The same applies to fathers of small children. It just isn't relevant to Mothering Sunday when the child isn't old enough to understand it.

I'll give my mum dafs and a card before shooting off to spend the early part of the day spectating my very dh and bf in a charity race - on the sidelines with my dog (who calls me mum 😬) my sons 17 and 21 will still be in bed anyway..
Later dh and boys will go to mils with a card etc whilst I cook for anyone who is hungry - Sunday as usual really!! 😁

I loved to get a handmade cards from DC`s made in school. I have kept cards like this and others in an old suitcase. From my wedding to babies bits identity bracelets, school reports, it is all precious.

Last year I organised a home cooked lunch for both Mums, MIL, SIL and children and partners but as I did all the preparation, cooking, cleaning and gifts I ended up exhausted and very upset

What on earth were you thinking, doing all that? Or, more to the point, why the hell was your husband not stepping in to do it?

@Grobagsforever 💐 I'm sorry for your loss, I can't imagine being widowed with young children, you are amazing for thinking of your mil x

I also don't get how we are supposed to balance this. Last year I ended up organising lunch out for about 15-20 people, because it just spirals- my parents, DH's parents, DH's siblings, my siblings, children, nieces, nephews.....but then siblings' spouses weren't spending the day with their parents, so how's that supposed to work, invite them too? At some point you have to stop!

TuckMyWin you don't need to participate in this ridiculous pantomime!

Call a halt now.

Send your own DM a card with a heartfelt message, some flowers, a gift you think she'll really like and let that be enough.

It really doesn't need to be a huge production unless you enjoy a chance to get the whole family together and would like to do it anyway.

TuckyMyWin you don't. You phone a local florist and get them to deliver some flowers on the day - job done. Your mum receives them and then phones you to tell you how lovely you are.

That is the whole of Mother's Day once you are past the age of 20. Primary school age it's a home-made card. Any age before you have left home it is mum has a lie in and breakfast made for her.

Had no idea there was this 'But DH has to be with his mum, and I need to be with my mum, and I'm a mum too and no-one is teaching my kids to do Mother's Day because I am running round like a blue-arsed fly' outside of Mumsnet.

AnotherEmma bit harsh ! I could do that of course, but my MIL would think it was rude, and as she only sees our dcs every few months it seems mean. She might not like me much but she is elderly, and I want my dcs and DH to get time with her. I would like to go out for a lunch with just DH and the dds, really, but I accept that MIL needs care and attention . I just find it hard as the last two Mother’s Days I have been grieving my Mum, and I would like a gentler, less stressful day.

I would like to go out for a lunch with just DH and the dds, really, but I accept that MIL needs care and attention

So go out for lunch on Mothering Sunday with your DH and DCs and your DH can take them to see your DMil on a different day.

It really doesn't have to be a problem unless you want it to be.

I'll take a card and flowers to my mother on the way to meeting up with my DD and GC for lunch. Win Win

Thank you @Furrydogmum

We have a family meal with me, MiL and. DD., plus the males. It is on the Saturday because the restaurant was full on Sunday. I'll at least DS1 home on Sunday but not sure if DD will bring DGS over or not because my birthday is on Monday and she is coming up for that.

TBH whether anyone treats me on mother's day is by the by, when all 3 lived at home my request for mothers day was that they would stop arguing all day

Meh, it was never a big deal, I get my mom a card and flowers, the kids make me a card or give me something small. It's just another money making hallmark holiday

also never heard it called "Mothering Sunday" that's funny

It’s very hard to find any cards that mention Mothering Sunday but that’s what it is. I think we started using the term Mother’s Day from the states

Mothers day does sound better than Mothering Sunday though tbf

It's just another money making Hallmark holiday

It's actually a traditional religious holiday linked to Easter and lent - that's why the date changes every year. It goes back several centuries I'm not sure of its origins though.

Some churches gives children small posies of flowers to give to their mothers.

I've got my sister and mum coming for dinner, if my MIL was local she'd come too

@Windowsareforcheaters ah yes I forget we have religious dogma to blame for enabling retailers and restaurants to jack up prices and guilt. Ta for the reminder

I think Mothering Sunday was linked to the church but it is not based in dogma. Other European and predominantly ' Christian ' countries don't celebrate it the way we do.

This being the case I guess it is a folk tradition adapted by the church.

Now Grandparents Day is an entirely made up day.

Lol, what a drama and fuss over nothing! I don't get why people do this, make out like the choices are either you stay lounging about in bed all day being showered with gifts and your every want being met by your DH whilst you forget about your DM and MIL vs cooking a 10 course meal for 10 people slaving away all day after them. There is very clearly a middle ground that keeps everyone happy (unless there's a drip feed and one or more of you are just completely unreasonable drama queens, based on your OP I could make a guess on who that might be here....). Dunno what I'm even doing for mother's Day, not really that bothered. We don't have contact with MIL so that's one less thing to think about. My DGM will be staying with DM at the time but we tend not to go for meals on the actual day as everywhere is chocca and ten times the price. And it's DM's birthday this weekend which we are already going out for lunch for. So not sure we will do anything special other than DH letting me have a long lay in (which he does let about once a week normally anyway!), and then later going to DM's and giving her and DGM a card and small gift. We do cards and sometimes gift for grandparents on mother's and father's day, idk about DH's family but my family always has done since childhood so I am continuing, I think grandparents can be really important so I enjoy a chance to tell them so with a little gift and card. We will see DH's DGM at some point to give her a card too but that's unlikely to be on the actual day.