I just don't know what to do I feel so lost

[sadandlost2019]

I don't even know how to start this thread , my head is so foggy at the moment and confused .

To put it bluntly my husband isn't the person I thought I married . He started off the most
Loving and nice person in the whole wide world and now he is completely different .

When I work nights he wakes me up the next day while I'm trying to sleep every hour for no reason what so ever , he bleeds our bank accounts dry on whatever he wants , he shows me no affection, no love , I'm walking on egg shells around him constantly because his behaviour is so un unpredictable , he's never been violent towards me but he goes in a mood over the slightest of things ,
He now refuses to work simply because he doesn't want to , therefore I have to work (I have a seven year old son with adhd and autism and a daughter who is 2). He is nasty he pokes at things that he knows upsets me . For example . I came home from work one day and said to him did you hoover the house ? And his response was "shut the F up you fat cow" literally out of nowhere for no reason what so ever !

That is just a small portion of my
Life and what I have to deal with . I don't really have any family or friends I can turn to . And I don't really know what to do . I'm so scared , upset , confused . And I just need someone to talk to

Thank you.

Xx

The truth is I'm scared of him he's never hurt me physically before but I never expected him to emotionally hurt me and he has so I really don't know what he's capable of he puts such a bad atmosphere on the house . I'm dreading going upstairs to put the kids to bed because of the atmosphere up there xx

This is sad to read. But, you have to start standing up to him. Imagine your daughter was in this position, what would you say to her?
Stop giving him money and stop making his meals. He's treating you like this because you're allowing him to.
He sounds a pathetic excuse of a man and I think he knows he is. Having this attitude and power over you makes him feel in control.
You deserve better than him, so do your children. Start being a little more selfish and tell him to go fuck himself. He won't like it, with any luck he'll leave!
Stay strong

Please leave this man immediately. You do not deserve any of this abuse. There is nothing you could have done that justifies this man's behaviour.

I'm so angry at this man!

Thanks for the advice everyone . I really appreciate it . Now the kids are in bed I've gone for a walk I don't even no where I'm going or what I'm doing I just need to get away from him and his atmosphere xx

I'm just so lost in my own head because of him can't even think straight . He's made me second guess everything . I feel worthless horrible , he's made me feel it's me I no it's not deep down but my head thinks it is xx

Poor love... Just keep talking on here and you will find the strength to deal with this. I was in exactly your position a long time ago now and got away. Haven't looked back. 💐

My love, you need to break free. I know, you have nothing left. Quietly, quietly, a tiny bit at a time you are already getting away. You can see he is damaging you. Can Women's Aid help you?

People are telling you to take a hard line, stop giving him money, stand up to him etc. Yes, when you have your escape in place do that. For now, keep walking on eggshells, keep quiet, be the defeated person he thinks he's created. Be safe.

Keep your plans secret until you can act on them.

It's baby steps isn't it , little changes to break away . It's such a hard messed up situation to be in .

I just hate bothering people with my problems I usually just bottle it all up inside . I've always done it . It took a lot to even write a post on here . I was so nervous and anxious .

I just don't want to be a burden .

How long will this post stay open to replies for ? So I can keep it active if people don't mind me going on :(

It'll stay open for a long long time. Just post when you feel up to it. And yes it is baby steps. And yes, keep the peace and do what he says so he doesn't suspect you've got plans in place

Op he is totally abusive, l can hear that you doubt yourself but take it from us , he is very nasty and abusive on many levels, THIS IS NOT YOU OR ANYTHING YOU ARE DOING.

He will not change
Nothing you say or do will fix him
Your only solution is to plan your exit

Keep talking on here there are many women who have been where you are and got away to a better life..

It's just hard seeing the light at the end of the tunnel till your at that place isn't it .

Just got back from my walk and he hasn't said a word of even asked where I've been he's just had a rant that my daughters been sick in her cot and he's had to bath her and I should of been there to do it . But I was not to know he didn't ring or message me

Talk to the housing association and see if they will re-home you and the children.

Speak to Women’s aid and ask about a residency order so he has to leave.

Stop giving him money. He needs to earn his own.

I think Women's Aid should be your first step. They have seen this sort of thing again and again (unfortunately) and will be able to advise you. Stay on this thread - we are all supporting you.

I don't really want to move away from my house as the children are settled here and my son is close to school with his adhd I don't want too much disruption for him . Plus I've spent a lot of money on the house getting it nice etc . I don't see why I should have to be the one to leave when I'm not the one who's made things like this it's him . I just need to work out how to get him to go and when to do it xx

Psychological abuse is a crime, since the middle of last year.. So maybe start to keep a diary of everything he does, and then take it to the CAB for advice on where to go next? Or to the Housing Association and request they take his name off the tenancy.

I've woke up this morning . I'm in work for 9 . And I'm fighting back the tears and my hearts beating a million beats a minute . My anxiety's sky high and I've got massive brain fog . Can't think straight . I feel so low and hurt and confused . I don't no how much more I can take I feel so trapped . I no things need to change but it's so heartbreaking know-one wants their marriage to end or to be over or for things to go wrong especially when it's nothing I deserve . I feel like a failure and my life is going 10 steps back

Honestly, OP, keep a diary. It will be the start of your way out of this horrible situation, and it probably won't take long! Hide it away somewhere safe. Good luck.

Under the Domestic Violence Act 2018. Google it.

OP you need to get rid of him, for you and your children..
Can you ring 111 and tell the police you will be asking him to leave at a certain time and say you will ring 999 if needed if he kicks off?
Or, as some of the other posters have suggested, ring Women's Aid?
Where in the UK are you?

I live in Liverpool . I only really want to get the police involved as a last resort don't really want it to get to that

I just wonder if you were to at least log it with the non emergency number at least it's on record.
How do you think he would react if you said you can't do this anymore and you want him to leave?

I've thought about this a lot . I don't really no to be honest . I have a feeling that he will just refuse to leave because he has knowhere to go . And because he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and that it's "me" he will just make things really hard for me

I'd imagine the atmosphere would get a lot worse aswell in the house . I don't think he would be violent he likes to play the victim hard done to card so he would just make things really awkward etc

He's not going to leave OP. Why didn't you make the appointment with the housing department to discuss you're options?

Yes I think I will go and speak to them confidentially and see where I stand