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[josephine27]

whilst pregnant with my dd, mother in law coudlnt be nicer as own mother took side of brother after big fall out.
once dd born !!!!what a difference, aparently girls make stronger bonds with grandmothers and she has every right to turn up unnannoiced if she feels she wants too-lead to us not seeing her since dd christening as she totally spoiled the day. own mother see's dd if i bump into her in supermarket and although rings couple times a week to ask how dd is, has brutally informaed me she only comes around(when she bothers)to see dd as she can ask how i am over phone. does not know doc has doubled anti depressants, have phsychitric nurse visiting regulary and hasnt offered to help out or babysit since dd 2 months old. heath visitor says-have break, get out more-how is that possible with no consistant visits from mine, a nasty piece of work in his, no grandads and friends who dont bother as i cant go on the lash with them anymore?

josephine sorry to hear things are so difficult for you
what about your dp/dh could he babysit togive you a break sometimes?

never "caught up" to me in terms of confidence in looking after her(his words?Excuses)but is trying recently, but i settle,feed, change,dress etc her so although he tries, he either calls for me/gets into a flap or i take over!not good i know but after 16months of me and her its inbuilt. he recently told me to just say when i want him to do anything but it takes 10 times longer so i end up doing it myself. i know ive got to step back but after this long its hard.
i have a driving lesson once a week and recently spend a couple of hours in town shopping but nights are worse, niether of us sleeps, we just lay there waiting for her to start crying....she's chuntering on the baby monitor now!

I think men find it harder to adapt to looking after children as I think they find it a bit more scary as they have responsibility over a little one and want to be careful and precise with what they're doing so they dont go wrong. I know it is hard but try to stand back and let him take over. If he takes about 10mins to do something that you could do in a flash, let him do it, as the more he gets use to it, the faster he'll pick it up. Whilst he's doing that, you could go and have a bath or do something for those 10mins that is just for you.

if he calls you, just tell him what to do and leave him to it, or watch him if you feel more comfortable with that. just try not to interfere. and you both need to stop worrying about her crying during the night. if she cries you will wake up hearing her. its a mother thing. i use to worry about that too, even though dd was in the same room as me for the first three months. but i use to find myself waking up a few minutes before shed wake up crying which was quite bizarre.

about your mother, my mum always says she comes around just to see dd mostly. it bothers me, as i ended up arguing with her on my birthday of all days about it. she didnt realise how much it bothered me til i told her. have you tried explaining to your mum how you feel? she wont know unless you tell her, and if shes anything like my mum she'll just think you're being silly. just remind her of what its like to raise a baby, and maybe she'll understand. have you asked her to babysit at all?

have you thought of trying to get a babysitter so you can go out? it is a dreading thought leaving your dd with a stranger but it will get you out. this /link{http://www.sitters.co.uk\website} have lists of professional babysitters in your area which might be helpful. how old is your dd may I ask?

hi tammybear.
re: my mother - my DD doesnt see anything of my mother to feel at all comfortable around her, she wont see her for months at a time (at moment she cant come round cos my brothers dog is sick - who she looks after!)she hasnt been over in at least 5 weeks, just rings say once a week and says that shell be over soon. previously at the slightest hint of babysitting, she quickly changed the subject and has made it obvious she wouldnt want too.
but we are going to centerparcs soon with boyfreinds sister, her husband and thier dd(3months younger than ours)and she really gets on well with them, so we may dare to spend a couple of hours on our own whilst we're there!will let you know. thanks for reply x