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Original poster

My partners brother hasn't invited me to his wedding!

105 replies

Mummabear19 · 14/03/2019 21:20

Okay so basically, I'm confused. My partners brother is getting married next year. He's gave everyone the invites and basically has only invited my partner and not me. His reason being because "me and him have history from years ago". My point is I would never stop him going to his brothers big day. But with me not being there and especially abroad for a full week, everyone is going to wonder where I am. Now I dont know what to think. Could someone tell me what I should Do?

OP posts:

Mookatron · 15/03/2019 12:23

I would argue that not inviting your brother's partner of 2 years to your wedding because she went out with the groom is pretty childish/ provocative.

ClownpantsKate · 15/03/2019 12:24

I think your DP's attitude will be telling.

Will he expect you to sort out dry-cleaning his suit and packing his clothes and sourcing their wedding present, all while you are not invited just to rub your nose in it, or will he stand up for you?

forumdonkey · 15/03/2019 13:00

Barrenfieldoffucks

Where do the kids fit in? I mean, you've been together 2.5yrs, taking you back to 20.5. Previously friends for a year, taking you back to 18.5. Before that dated his brother...when did the kids appear?

I was also pondering this one 🤔

CardiganB · 15/03/2019 13:05

And the DDs' dad?

FizzyGreenWater · 15/03/2019 15:07

Well this is what I would be saying, ideally to the brother and your partner together:

'It's absolutely your right to invite who you want to your wedding, but yes I'm not exactly ok with it. First thing, I am not delighted that it's been made so pointed that I'm not invited because it implies that there was a lot more to our past history than there was - we were never even intimate with one another, now everyone invited to your wedding will quite reasonably assume that we must have been a proper couple and sleeping together! - I can't imagine why your fiance would want to give that impression plus looking as if that (untrue) fact bothers her and I don't want people thinking that when it isn't true either! However it's far more embarrassing for Fiance so what on earth??! Secondly, while I'm absolutely not going to be upset about it or have an issue with you both - I mean, it's only a wedding, a few days, it's really not such a big deal in that way - what would happen if me and Bro continue in our relationship? Am I supposed to not invite both of you or just not invite Fiance? - to continue the impression she wants to give that there needs to be distance? Or do I do what I would want to do, which would absolutely be to invite you, and then Fiance looks childish and immature -'Oh look Mummabear is cool about everything, not like Fiance, do you remember when Bro and Fiance got married and they totally excluded Mummabear, how immature was that' -? I have to say I think you're going to make yourselves look pretty daft and I have no idea why, but hey, like I said, it's only a wedding, we will cross later bridges when we come to them I suppose' (eye roll)

That'll give them some food for thought

im36degrees · 15/03/2019 15:07

It's their wedding and they can invite who they like. Also, the cost would be massively increased (in terms of flights etc.) for you to go and bring your 2 children along. Not to sound harsh, but they aren't DPs children and you aren't married.

If you ever do get married, you have the right to invite who you want. Although I suspect you'd also be the type to exclude people then be posting on here moaning that someone is complaining for not getting an invite.
You seem very self centered and the wanting to "support him" he's going to a wedding, not a funeral.

Foxmuffin · 15/03/2019 15:12

Sorry, but is it not awkward to date both brothers anyway? I think this alone would make me loose respect for someone and be less inclined to want them at my wedding.

im36degrees · 15/03/2019 15:14

I also want to know where the children fit in. Feel like we aren't getting the whole story here but why would we from a woman who dates 2 brothers then kicks off when she isn't invited to the other one's wedding

Isth · 15/03/2019 15:15

Putting aside the fact it’s fucking weird to date one brother then date the other, I actually think they’re being really unfair. I’m going to have an ex of DPs at our wedding, she’s now with one of his best friends, it’s all a bit of a non issue imo.
However, they can invite or not invite whoever they want, and you can’t change it. You’re better to just accept it, quietly.

Mookatron · 15/03/2019 15:16

Do others on this thread know something about the OP that I don't? Otherwise why are people being quite so judgemental and bitchy? Do you all vet your wedding invitations according to how much you approve of the potential guests' lifestyles?

Dirtybadger · 15/03/2019 15:17

I slept with a friend when I was a teenager. About 8 years later I started dating DP. DP was best man at this mutual friends wedding. I wasn't invited to the ceremony because of it. Which I found a bit because it's now been over a decade, but whatever.

He just told people I was busy and would be along in the evening. Your DP can just say you're busy if anyone asks. He won't need "support", he will be just fine.

Ghostwriter90 · 15/03/2019 15:33

Sorry but I may sound horrible but you can't invite yourself to a wedding! It's their day and money. You need to accept you had a 'thing' with the groom and take a bit of responsibility.
If you're really that petty do the same to him when you get married.

Since when do.ppl have a mare about not being invited to weddings?!

Ghostwriter90 · 15/03/2019 15:34

im36degrees
Just realised I repeated you. Glad I'm not the only hard nosed one here!

AnneOfCleanTables · 16/03/2019 00:06

Please don't say what Fizzy suggested. It will make you look passive-aggressive and as though you are majorly jealous of his fiancee.

Peopleshouldread · 16/03/2019 00:20

I've know of quite a few weddings where the bride and groom have had a "no exes" policy. It's feeling more personal because you are dating his brother now, and feel like you are being let out of the family so to speak.I'd just let it go. Address any future awkwardness if and when it arises.

I've was not invited to the wedding of a fairly close girlfriend ( I thought) because the groom was my ex, I introduced the two of them and they got together straight after he and I broke up. They claimed a no ex policy. Worst part was though that they convinced our wider friend group not to even tell me they were engaged or getting married . That sucked quite a lot, and I looked like a fool. I still have no idea why they did that, and I am not friends anymore with any of the people involved.

It could be worse.

Peopleshouldread · 16/03/2019 00:20

Excuse the multiple typos please.

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 16/03/2019 00:31

My ex was a bridesmaid at my wedding. All's well that ends well.

SandyY2K · 16/03/2019 00:35

Given your dating history it's understandable.
The dating of brothers is a place I wouldn't go.

I wouldn't need my DHs support at a family wedding, so why do you think your support is required?

I'm also curious about the timelines here...with the kids.

The brother attending your wedding wouldn't be the same, as he's family.

You seem sure people will be asking where you are...they'll probably just be enjoying the wedding and being abroad making a holiday of it and not necessarily notice. Or think you're looking after your DC and couldn't make it.

In these situations...I do think, of all the single men out there why go for the brother. I think this will always be an issue. As a parent, I wouldn't want a DIL who had a relationship with both of my sons.

DBML · 16/03/2019 00:44

The only sure thing is that you are not going to the wedding, but your dp must as it is his brother.

As a pp poster said, could you not go on the holiday with your dp but not attend the wedding?

Or book yourself and your children a separate holiday and enjoy some quality time?

You’ve been with this man a few years and he seems ok for you not to be there. With all due respect my husband would have gone nuts...then I would have insisted he stop being silly and go to the wedding. The fact your dp is clearly unconcerned perhaps tells you it would be easier and less complicated to find a fella from a different family and give yourself a fresh start? Otherwise imagine all the other occasions you’re going to be left out of in future.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 16/03/2019 02:05

Quite honestly as a bride, i wouldn't want a woman my partner previously dated/had feelings for at my wedding either and would hate you were still in his life at all.
But then i also would never date someone who had previously dated my sister and the whole situation of dating one sibling then the other is quite franky weird and kind of creepy.

Jackshouse · 16/03/2019 02:17

There are so many unanswered questions by the OP on this thread. It’s difficult to comment without more information.

LadyMinerva · 16/03/2019 02:29

Is there a vaccination available? I really don't want to catch feelings because it sounds dreadful.

Oliversmumsarmy · 16/03/2019 02:38

Quite honestly as a bride, i wouldn't want a woman my partner previously dated/had feelings for at my wedding either and would hate you were still in his life at all

Going to make future family events interesting.

What is going to happen at Christmas or Parents anniversaries or other family weddings.

Will you be excluded

swashbuckles · 16/03/2019 03:29

Is there a vaccination available? I really don't want to catch feelings because it sounds dreadful.

Yes, I too want to know wtf 'Caught feelings' means.

OP you sound very very young in your attitude toward this.
Your partner cannot not go to his Brother's wedding.

You're not invited-as a PP said, you may be on all the photos and they're expecting it to not be a long term relationship. You may know/feel different but that's what they may think.

I am another one curious to know when at 23 you've had time to have two children, date a guy, then meet and become friends with his brother for a year then be with him for 2 and a half years, how does this work?

What 'support' do you think he needs at a wedding? He's going to a happy family occasion, not a funeral or for a traumatic experience of any sort.
Where would you put the children if you did go?

One thing I will say is perhaps your partner knows exactly why you're not invited, in detail and doesn't want to say, which may explain how he is being a bit elusive. I may want to know why, in your position, but I wouldn't let it concern me at all. We're not all invited to family/friends weddings/birthdays/big occasions, 'tis life I'm afraid.

swashbuckles · 16/03/2019 03:41

Also, assuming you've met close family only barr maybe one or two chance encounters with close family friends (if any), who do you think will 'wonder where you are'? And why? I suspect the family will all know you're not invited? A few folk may or may not ask your partner where his girlfriend is (if they have met you and/or know he has one) but mainly out of politeness probably?

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