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Original poster

My partners brother hasn't invited me to his wedding!

105 replies

Mummabear19 · 14/03/2019 21:20

Okay so basically, I'm confused. My partners brother is getting married next year. He's gave everyone the invites and basically has only invited my partner and not me. His reason being because "me and him have history from years ago". My point is I would never stop him going to his brothers big day. But with me not being there and especially abroad for a full week, everyone is going to wonder where I am. Now I dont know what to think. Could someone tell me what I should Do?

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 14/03/2019 22:01

I understand why you're annoyed; I would be too, but just what 'support' does your partner need at the wedding?

AtSea1979 · 14/03/2019 22:02

Can’t you go on the holiday but not attend the wedding? Would you partner want to stay with the wedding party or would he be happy in a different hotel and meet up with them?

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 14/03/2019 22:02

example. I did say to him what if me and you were to get married obviously he would be invited with his Mrs right? And he was just like yeah because he's my brother and family it's different. But I was just like so why is it different with me going to his wedding to support you?

Ahh, so you are trying to emotionally manipulate him into not going then.

That is unacceptable. You are not invited because of your history. It is their wedding, that is their right, and your partner is the groom’s brother. He shouldn’t have to miss it because of their decision.

onlyk · 14/03/2019 22:09

Do you and your partner live together? Have a child together?

To be honest I’ve gone to weddings abroad and invites to girlfriends/boyfriends of family or friends are not automatic. So I wouldn’t get upset about not being invited.

Add in a past relationship with the groom which even if the groom is fine with it the bride may not be. I wouldn’t kick up a fuss about it.

Snowflake9 · 14/03/2019 22:18

Your partner is in a difficult position, it's his brother and you are his girlfriend. He can't choose and you shouldn't make him choose. He needs to go to the wedding.

You just need to feel secure in the fact that your boyfriend loves you and can't force his B into inviting you. You need to be able to find peace with it and not let it affect you or the relationship.

Original poster
Mummabear19 · 14/03/2019 22:24

I am most defenatly not trying to manipulate him atall. I was just letting him know off my thoughts and feelings like I said I'm not stopping him from going atall. So far everything has been great between us. I have 2 daughters and he's great to them and myself. I just don't want this to make anything worse. As what if in future his brother doesn't want me there anywhere he is at then me and my partner will have to face another difficult situation. Am I wrong to feel that maybe my partner should speak up in regards to how he feels too?

OP posts:
Snowflake9 · 14/03/2019 22:26

How does your partner feel? X

Original poster
Mummabear19 · 14/03/2019 22:31

He just said he doesn't know but he's not saying that his brother is right. So far that's all that's been said from him.

OP posts:
Snowflake9 · 14/03/2019 22:32

Men take a little longer to process. Don't press the issue, just see what he says if he brings it up in a couple of days.

How did you find out you weren't invited?

X

Foxmuffin · 14/03/2019 22:35

Sounds a bit of a weird family dynamic!

I wouldn’t read too much into it. Maybe the bride feels uncomfortable and that’s up to her. Of course your partner will want to go - it’s his brother.

titchy · 14/03/2019 22:39

I just don't want this to make anything worse.

Well it won't unless you make something of it.

Original poster
Mummabear19 · 14/03/2019 22:45

@snowflake9

He told me today as he got a message from his brother because my partner kept stalling his reply. But yeah I'll just have to wait and see how the chat goes tomorow but thanks so much for everyone's feedback x

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 15/03/2019 03:41

I am most defenatly not trying to manipulate him atall. I was just letting him know off my thoughts and feelings like I said I'm not stopping him from going atall.

It doesn’t matter whether you are intentionally doing it or not, from what you’ve described what you’ve said to him here, you are emotionally manipulating him into now going with the “but what about this”, “but what about that” scenarios.

If he doesn’t go now it won’t be because he doesn’t want to, it will be because you have emotionally guilted him not to. I could never do that to my DH.

Halo84 · 15/03/2019 04:03

Whatever people think is irrelevant. If anyone asks, tell them the truth-you were specifically told you were not invited. Otherwise say nothing. Let your husband go and say nothing to him about it.

zippey · 15/03/2019 04:12

I don’t think anyone is going to ask, and if they do your brother can say - she couldn’t come, or she wasn’t invited.

Girlofgold · 15/03/2019 07:45

Hard as it is op. I would just try and let it go. It's weird of the brother but your partner wants to go to his brother's wedding and if you do anything other than accept it, it will just cause problems. I would want to know my partner thought it was weird and a bit shit however. Don't say anything unless pushed to say you didn't get an invite and you're not sure why.

Consider it as if he's going on a work trip. If you're together in ten years this won't count. And if it does, then the brother has real issues.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 15/03/2019 07:49

i think it's weird that you're in a relationship with the brother of someone you used to go out with in the first place!

i wouldn't want an ex at my wedding.

Fishwifecalling · 15/03/2019 07:52

Well this doesn't bode well for your future. I'd be quite mad at your dp tbh.

wafflyversatile · 15/03/2019 08:11

I think his brother or the bride or whoever it is who decided you shouldn't come is being immature and insecure. You are all quite young? However it is what it is so there you are. Try not to make a big drama out of it.

NoCauseRebel · 15/03/2019 08:21

Ok, so you’re the brother’s ex, you have two children from other relationships and now you’re with your ex’s brother and you’re only 23? Jesus it sounds like something from the Jeremy Kyle show. And to be absolutely blunt, given A, your history with the groom and B, the fact you already had two children by the age of twenty and have since got together with the groom’s brother, I wouldn’t be considering this to be a long-term relationship in the making so can see why the brother isn’t keen for you to be at the wedding.

MNHQ
AnyaMumsnet · 15/03/2019 09:00

Hi there OP,

We hope you don't mind, we're going to move this to relationships now.

Singlenotsingle · 15/03/2019 09:07

It would make the brother uncomfortable to have you there at his wedding, and he's entitled to relax and enjoy his own wedding, isn't he? I can understand that. Really, it's not about you OP. And your dp doesn't need your "support". He's going to have a nice time, not go through an ordeal. (He might even be Best Man?)

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 15/03/2019 09:15

Well this doesn't bode well for your future. I'd be quite mad at your dp tbh.

Mad at him for what? Wanting to attend his brothers wedding? How selfish.

Notonthestairs · 15/03/2019 09:28

Personally I'd be upset but let it go. Why not suggest an evening out for the 4 of you after the wedding.

Family relationships are built over years - look to what you want achieve over the long term.

OKBobble · 15/03/2019 09:34

You say you have 2 daughters. I assume they are not your DP's children. In that case maybe it is because if they invite you they would then have to invite the children too and they don't want kids along at their destination wedding. I suspect it is easier to say its because of the history rather than we don't want your kids there.