Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Silent treatment...

67 replies

beckymad · 13/03/2019 17:20

Me and 'D'P had a disagreement earlier.

Resulted in him telling me to fuck off. I responded and told him to get some respect.

This was at around 10 this morning. I text about two hours ago to see what time he was home... no reply.

I know he's been on his phone since the text. How do you deal with silent treatment? I want to phone him and ask if there is a reason he is ignoring me but I know I shouldn't just cave in and give in to his childish ways...

Do I just ignore until he decides he's over his mood?

OP posts:
Gudzippo · 13/03/2019 17:25

Hi Becky,

Since you helped with my post only fair I reply.. I believe we're similar age and I'm a male.

To be quite honest, from a mans perspective, he's probably thinking the same thing. He wants you to grovel towards him to feel better about himself and that he's not in the wrong.

If i was you, I'd let him cool off... him telling you to fuck off is NOT acceptable. My GF also has told me similar before and I left her alone and eventually she messaged again apologizing.

Do NOT message him... Let him stop being childish.. set the boundaries.

Original poster
beckymad · 13/03/2019 17:28

Gudzippo - thanks! Is everything sorted now with you and GF?

It's infuriating. I would rather him ask me to leave him alone for a few hours then just ignore me completely!

I'll try and keep myself busy!

Funnily enough the disagreement we had today was on similar terms of yours!

OP posts:
TougheningUp · 13/03/2019 20:10

Giving someone the silent treatment is widely recognised as being abusive and controlling.

It's not acceptable.

Yes, you can ignore him for now: but in the longer term, you need to think about how to get yourself out of an abusive and controlling relationship, and to ensure that you have healthier relationships going forward. Life is too short to put up with nonsense like this.

Arnoldthecat · 13/03/2019 20:40

just leave ?

adaline · 13/03/2019 21:03

Is it really silent treatment? Or does he just not want to argue over text?

Arnoldthecat · 13/03/2019 21:23

Exactly,,he might be isolated and at a loss as to how to mend things.. Alternatively he might be plotting revenge or thinking,, ive had enough of this shit,i want a divorce.

Original poster
beckymad · 13/03/2019 21:45

It's definitely silent treatment. Not the first time either.

OP posts:
mamato3lads · 13/03/2019 21:52

Christ I couldn't be arsed. If he's really being that much of a dick, just be civil/normal dont rise to it . just run a bath and relax with door closed and block him out in a subtle way. Carry on as normal. Let him fester and hopefully by tomorrow he'll have grown up?

RomanyQueen1 · 13/03/2019 21:56

What a baby, I couldn't cope with this behaviour, may sound extreme but he'd be gone.
Why do you put up with it?

Middlrm · 13/03/2019 22:01

Ignore him until he comes home ... let him be the first to speak to you considering you have already sent an olive branch .

Good luck

jamaisjedors · 14/03/2019 07:43

Oh dear. My H is a master at this and I have already filled up one thread on it and am on to my second (sulking DH).

I'm not sure I have any advice for you but don't let this fester and get worse.

I'm also quite shocked he told you to fuck off and didn't apologise pretty quickly afterwards - but I guess it depends how you normally speak to one another.

JenniferJareau · 14/03/2019 07:49

I wouldn't bother contacting him. Let him huff away on his own, you carry on as normal.

Original poster
beckymad · 14/03/2019 09:48

Luckily we don't live together so didn't have to deal with him sulking around the house!

Minimal contact last night, just a 'I'm out with my mate, night' text.

Looks like I'm being punished for something haha!

I don't know why I put up with it, but I certainly won't be for much longer. No more contact this morning so not holding my breath for an apology....

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 14/03/2019 10:19

Watch out for that - my H gave me the silent treatment "to punish" me, it has destroyed our marriage.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2019 10:32

Don't reply. Don't contact him. Don't engage.

Does he often tell you to ''Fuck off'? That's not acceptable.

JenniferJareau · 14/03/2019 11:01

Don't engage with him.

Original poster
beckymad · 14/03/2019 11:10

The silent treatment has ended and now it's just abuse coming my way.

It's my fault that he ignored me because I was annoying him and he told me to fuck off because of that and seems to find this acceptable!

Yes, fuck off is a usual. Sometimes worse, body shaming etc...

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2019 11:11

End this now.

Just text him back.

"This relationship is over." BLOCK. Switch off phone.

You don't need that abusive little shit in your life.

Karigan195 · 14/03/2019 11:13

Time for him to fuck off I think. Body shaming and swearing at you are not acceptable.

thinkingcapon · 14/03/2019 11:15

What's good about this relationship?!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2019 11:17

It's my fault that he ignored me

Such a classic abuser line. My exP say it was 'My fault for winding him up' (i.e. asking him to do the washing up).

So glad you don't live together. Just end it.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 14/03/2019 11:19

Thank goodness you don’t live together. Just block him and move on with your life. No one needs that crap.

Original poster
beckymad · 14/03/2019 11:22

Yeah body shaming was an all time low... lost my confidence completely.

At the start the relationship was brilliant. Over time it has got worse and worse.

We've just booked a holiday together with friends... do I just forget about the money and not go?

I've really had enough now

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2019 11:27

do I just forget about the money and not go

Yes. It's a small price to pay to get this loser out of your life.

(Unless he drops out in which case, still go. doubt he will though.)

ILiveInSalemsLot · 14/03/2019 11:29

I would cancel the holiday. Is there any way you can get any money back? Maybe he’ll cancel?
Otherwise, think of it as compensation for not having to bear this vile man’s company any longer.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread