Hi all. Couldn't get back on yesterday as he was here.
Cargirl: the council won't act on his breach of tenancy. I've tried and they won't do it. Again, if he was physically battering me they would but they just don't recognise emotional abuse. And thanks for the offer...I may just take you up on it.
Mumfun: My neighbour knows esactly what's going on as she helped us 'escape' before by stashing stuff for me, and then meeting me halfway between home and refuge with more of my stuff. I've told her what is happening now so she is well aware. The other people apparently just won't come near as they find him 'scary', and said they can't put their finger on it but there is something 'odd' about him. The porn was general stuff. He wanted (in fact he did) set up a website for married people to have extra marital affairs (!!!!!) He wanted me to take on the persona of various different women, e mailing and phoning these men and pretending I was their ideal match!!! he was going to do the same with the women. He was then sitting at the computer, openly looking at porn sites with DD2 standing at his side. When I walked in the room, there was a sort of montage of images on the screen...lesbian sex, oral sex, threesomes...you know the usual kind of stuff? I went mad, and asked him what the hell he was doing looking at that in front of our baby, and he said she didn't knopw what it was so it wouldn't hurt her and that he was 'researching' for his business venture! The kids also use the computer, and you know how when you type a letter into the search box it drops down a history of sites...well luckily I went on there before the kids and typed in G for something, and it came up with 'Gwen Stefani tits' and 'Gwen Stefani nude'...one of the kids could have clicked on that and Christ knows what kind of filth they may have been subjected to!
Hhe is now completely ignoring DD2, his 3 year old daughter! I came back from the dr yesterday and he was already here. I had had a bill from Sky (he's the only one who watches it) and I asked him for half of the bill. He ignored me so I asked him again and he said he might and he might not, then said no, not unless I pay half of a bill which he hasn't paid and now the company are taking him to court! I said no way...it was his bill and if he'd paid it on time he wouldn't be in a mess. Anyway, he then ignored all the kids. We had dinner, and he walked in the kitchen. DD1's chair was in his way, so instead of asking her to move he just shoved her chair forward onto 2 legs so she was pushed against the table! He then spent the rest of the evening blanking everyone, including the little one...never said a word to her. Walked past her plenty, but just didn't even acknowledge her existence. How the hell can someone do that to a baby?
Sakura: the ignoring thing is also indicative of NPD isn't it? I was a mess last time, but this time I am far far stronger so am able to deal with this, but it's still hard. I take great joy and comfort in my children which is what keeps me sane. What worries me is that if we go for an injunction and it fails to be granted, then life will be hell. He'll use that against me, as he did when social services dropped the case (they dropped it because they said their involvement was making him worse and because the marriage was over anyway!!!). He used that to literally say to me 'what I did wasn't abuse, social services said it was ok, so therefore it is'. Similarly, if I request supervised access and that isn't granted there is no telling what he will do.
Incidentally, when I came home yesterday he has implemented a bar on all outgoing calls, which means I cannot phone anyone at all...social services, solicitor, not even sure if 999 works on it now. Even more controlling behaviour. He knows that my mobile raraely works here as there is virtually no signal.