Anyone else's dm walk out on them when they were a young child never to return?

[SplinterSplit]

Mine did. Just upped and left over night with no warning when I was 6. One minute there, next minute gone. Never to be seen again. Has anyone else experienced this? I've never met anyone else like this during my life.

onanotherday I would be interested in your paper. I believe my dm had poor attachment to her own mother, she was boarded at 8.

Yes I knew about Robert Carlyle, he is interesting to listen to about it. Thank you myidentitymycrisis I would like to talk to you. Will pm you when I start working on it. Happy to talk sooner if you would like to x

Sorry but that theory, then we would be the same with our kids, and I can assure you, I am completely the opposite. It's not learned behaviour, I learned to be a good mum by my feelings not by example. You can't just attribute a theory to this

My mum left us when we were teenagers because we apparently didn't need her any more. My brother was only 14 and both my brothers were very close to my mum and extremely dependent on her. Both now have mental health issues. One very severe. But we are all in touch with her now as adults.

This simply is the most heartbreaking thread ever
So much love for you all
❤️❤️

My DM left when I was seventeen, so much older than many of you. We superficially reunited a decade later but the relationship has been shattered.

It was horrible and it's coloured the way I react to people my entire life, so I can't comprehend how difficult it must be for those of you who had a mother who left when you were much younger.

I have young kids of my own, which makes it even harder to understand. It's made my own mothers' decision impact me all over again.

all. Let's hope it's made us better people one way or another.

This truly is the saddest and most affecting thread I've ever read on MN. Sending love to OP, Snotwot and all the other MNers who have had this happen. DD2 is out on a walk with her dad and DD2 is napping- as soon as I see them I am going to give them both the biggest hugs. Every child deserves to feel their mother's love.

I cannot even begin to imagine what that must have been like for you and your poor sister. My heart absolutely broke reading that. I hope you and your sister are in a much better place now.

Sorry guys, that previous post was for

Snotwotallmumsdo

I’m very new to Mumsnet, I thought I was replying to her comment.

Not sure if allowed to post as the woman who gave birth to me actually gave me up. She did once leave me on a door step and then took me back then I was in care back to her in care back to her over and over. She fucked up things for me if I was settled with someone else and stayed well away if I was being abused etc.

Haven't seen her in over two decades. Think she's still alive.

Bailey.. I too have tried to be the complete opposite to my dcs and hopefully a success dm... but I wonder about my own mothers attachments to her mother. Yes it's all theory. But interested to see if there is any common theme. I've struggle with mental health and relationships. But maybe I'm alone in that? Or maybe my upbringing had nothing to do with it? I didn't mean to cause offence.

This happened to a friend of mine.
He married a woman with a DD from a previous relationship and they had a DD together, she then fucked off abroad and left the 2 dc with him. He’s been amazing, really stepped up and just got on with it.
He’s now married to someone else and both dds call the new wife mum.
My friend was totally broken when it happened and I don’t think he will ever forgive the ex, she hardly sees her daughters at all.

My mother left when I was 5. I had a db7, dsis3 and dsis18 months. My father had been having an affair and moved her in the following day. Then came 6 years of hell for us children. My stepmother would beat us, starve us, physically and emotionally abuse us my father blamed us and said it was because we were naughty. We were constantly told that if we didn't behave we would go to the children's home. I started running away from home aged 9. I remember getting on a train once and ending up in York. Eventually ss stepped in and did send me to a children's home. I was the only one taken away because was the naughty one.
I didnt see my mother again until I was 25 and a mother of 2 dd. Within 2 years of leaving us she had re married and started another family. I spent 2 days with her then and have not seen her since, nor do I want to. I know where she is though, my brother asked for my help finding her last year because he hasn't seen her since she walked out 50 years ago and needs to ask questions. She destroyed all of us.

This truly is a heartbreaking thread and my heart reaches out to everyone still bearing the emotional scars.
I had nothing like this but as an only child and being born not too long after the war ended, I always worried about something happening to my parents or my dad having to go to fight...if there was another one.

No, I have something from the other side of the coin. My lovely friend, much younger than me has had her children taken from her in the family courts by her vindictive ex. They were 5 and 4.
Babies
We are worried sick at the effect all of this would have them as she fights to get them back.
She is a lovely mum. Those children were her life.
She’s been classed as an emotional abuser.
Believe me, nothing she has ever donecomes anywhere close to what the supposed professionals have done to these children.

It was 13 weeks before they were allowed to see mum again, 9 months before they got to see their beautiful home, toys and pets again.
The bitter ex has stopped contact again because he thinks he has the right...because the children get upset every time they had to go back to him..
Why
Because they want to be back home with mum

You couldn’t make this up

It’s a living nightmare for these poor children.

I hope and pray she gets them back and while the judge is probably having a very nice life, he has no idea what he is subjected these poor children too
I fearbthey will never recover

Sugarplum
there isn’t a place hot enough in hell for these horrible step mums
I’m so sorry

If anyone has any suggestions, please do pm me

My parents both died when I was a teen but it is very different when parents choose to leave you. I am so sorry to read the suffering you have endured. Loving your children well is very healing I find, although we always second guess ourselves without a loving mother there to guide us.

Much love to all of you

He’s been amazing, really stepped up and just got on with it.

I don't recall anyone ever describing a woman left as a single mum like this. We never say they've "stepped up".

It's very telling.

My relative's wife left him and their two daughters a couple of years ago, never to return. The youngest was only 3 years old at the time. She left for some random guy she met at work.

I think people who are capable of doing something like that are essentially ill/seriously damaged, no one in their right mind would be able to just abandon their kids.

no one in their right mind would be able to just abandon their kids

Really? Because men do it frequently.

saxa when I say stepped up I mean he treated the step DD as his own and took over her care. She was an 9 year old whose mum had walked away without a backwards glance, he could have refused to keep her, he doesn’t have PR for her but he wanted to keep the sisters together.

It wasn't a criticism of you yubaba. I've seen it a few times on this thread.

saxatablesalt

Really? Because men do it frequently.

Disturbed men do it frequently, decent ones don't. It applies to men too, obviously.

I wouldn't call my own father disturbed or mentally ill, I would call him a selfish, narcissistic arsehole. I think I would know, don't you?

Crying reading about all these abandoned children.

I too, hope that you all manage to find peace and happiness.