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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone else's dm walk out on them when they were a young child never to return?

150 replies

SplinterSplit · 09/03/2019 20:10

Mine did. Just upped and left over night with no warning when I was 6. One minute there, next minute gone. Never to be seen again. Has anyone else experienced this? I've never met anyone else like this during my life.

OP posts:
eggsandwich · 09/03/2019 22:19

snotwatallmumsdo

Thas one of the most saddest things I’ve read, I’m so so sorry, what an awful childhood you had.

My Fil said my Step Mil left her first abusive husband who she had four children with the youngest was six at the time, she just up and went left all four children with this abusive man, Fil said the youngest two boys now grown men want nothing to do with Step Mil and apparently she gets very upset about this fact and that she just left them.

I said to Fil well you must understand that most mothers wouldn’t leave there children with an abusive man you would take them with you so I can imagine that they felt abandoned.

I think they are probably well suited as Fil left one night when dh was not young but still living at home and never saw or heard anything from him for 5 years till he wanted to resume contact like nothing had happened.

Needless to say there’s no real loving relationship their, ok he’s my dh’s biological father but thats just a name that really he doesn’t deserve.

talulahbelle · 09/03/2019 22:21

My dad and his younger sister were abandoned at 5/2. His Dad was off on the ships (Navy) and had to track them down and get them back from care. My dad joined the military at 16 and met my mum at 19 (she was 23). They are still together, and he’s been a good father. I think is messed up his sister a lot more who has multiple relationships and drug issues. My grandma has always been my grandpa’s second wife.

MonaChopsis · 09/03/2019 22:25

This happened to my Mum, similar age to you OP. Her Dad put her and her sibling in a Children's Home. She is an amazing Mum, so the damage doesn't have to be passed down the generations. It has definitely affected her though, and her sibling substantially more (their kids were also taken into care).

Notcontent · 09/03/2019 22:32

snotwatallmumsdo - your story has brought tears to my eyes. I hope things got better for you later in life.

Tiredemma · 09/03/2019 22:43

snot. I've been on this site 16 years and I've not read anything that's made me feel as sad as yours has. Honestly x Thanks

justasking111 · 09/03/2019 22:49

I knew a woman her children the same age as mine. She ran off and left them. I knew something was wrong she appeared to be on valium or something and was in a haze. Her DH was not a nice man. He raised the DCs but they never really got over it. He met a new woman who he just as obnoxious with as he was his first wife.

NewMe2019 · 09/03/2019 22:56

Yep, me. Stayed at a relatives for the weekend, when I was dropped back home, she had gone. Later turned out SS were aware she was moving but the plan was I was to go and go into care in the new city so I'd be near her.

It's fucked me up in many ways. I've never known anyone else who's mother abandoned them. I've always been the odd one out from people I've come across as it's just not natural.

Miljah · 09/03/2019 23:14

What awful stories.

But it does go to show that 'mum' walking out on a young child appears to be more damaging than 'dad' walking out.

But snot ( if I can call you that! 😊)... fucking hell.

supadupapupascupa · 09/03/2019 23:18

My mum left me and my siblings when I was 12. I can forgive her for that, (pnd) but turns out she's very selfish, we are a hindrance and she hasn't ever put it right. She hurts me every time I see her which isn't often. I'm better off without her. Hurts like hell but she won't ever change.....

DarkNightDelight · 09/03/2019 23:34

My sister has done this to her 9 year old son, she's not seen him in over a year and has no plans to either.
I still have contact with him and it breaks my heart that she can do this.

Frecklesonmyarm · 09/03/2019 23:38

But it does go to show that 'mum' walking out on a young child appears to be more damaging than 'dad' walking out.

I dont think does show that. I have very similar issues to my dp.

My dad left and left me and my brother. My wasnt great.

I think it totally depends on the set up and the quality of the parent you are left with.

One of my friends mum left and her and her dad was amazing. She is fine and well adjusted.

ontheup2019 · 09/03/2019 23:59

Snotwhatallmumsdo your story really choked me up, I'm so sorry you went through that. I think because you're local to me I could visualise it clearly. I hope you and your bro have found some peace in adulthood...Flowers

weegiemum · 10/03/2019 00:08

My mother moved out when I was 12. Though we were made to spend time with her she was always too busy defending herself and her OM (who we had to be around from day 1) to be any kind of parent.

She moved from Scotland to London and then to France without telling us, returned to the uk and still never let us know much, it was always on her terms.

I'm still very damaged (I'm 48 now) as are my siblings. It would have been so much worse without my brilliant Dad and later my lovely stepmum.

And I've been no contact with her for 13 years now. I hope I never set eyes on her again.

MollysMummy2010 · 10/03/2019 00:14

My mum left when I was twelve. My dad was rubbish and I needed my mum. I was on my own from fifteen as my dad moved on. Hoping I can do better for my daughter.

Decormad38 · 10/03/2019 00:18

Gawd there are some shite people aren’t there? I hope you have gone on to have some lovely people in your life Flowers

SlangBack · 10/03/2019 00:26

Not walk out but lots & lots of issues that led to us having to leave the house.

Looking back I think she had severe PND & no help.

She couldnt cope & used to sit crying saying "I can't do this anymore" She seemed so fucking bewildered & exhausted.

Lots of neglect, and so much more etc. We had counselling from NSPCC.

It was fucking awful Sad but I still wish someone had helped her.

AndromedaPerseus · 10/03/2019 00:48

I was friends with a girl in primary school whose mum left her and her brother when she was a baby and they were brought up by her paternal grandparents. What struck me was her deep sense of unhappiness

pissedonatrain · 10/03/2019 01:14

stbxh mum did this to him when he was 9. had 8 children total and 2 with that husband so she took the girl and he took the boy. Very strange.
claimed his dad wouldn't allow his mum to see him anymore. I don''t believe that.

stbxh affair partner abandoned her 2 children at ages 4 and 8 to run off with another man.

There are plenty of shite parents who abandon their children.

Godowneasy · 10/03/2019 04:51

So many heart rending stories here. Flowers to all of you who have suffered so much pain, trauma and loss at such young ages.

JFDIJFDIJFDI · 10/03/2019 05:03

So so sad reading this. I have a friend who this happened to. His mum left him and his siblings when he was 10, it’s affected his whole life. He finds relationships very hard and always fears being abandoned. Shame cos he’s a lovely chap.

Harriedharriet · 10/03/2019 05:52

My heart is broken reading this thread. So many of you have suffered the most devastating life story.

And yet, I will bet all of you are lovely, quirks and all.

DianaT1969 · 10/03/2019 06:28

From reading the relationship thread on MN, I suspect more children would be abandoned by their mothers today if it wasn't for the benefits system. For those with severe MH issues, or abusive partners, caring for children and trying to pay the bills is just too much.
Although from this thread, I realise a lot of mothers have abandoned their children to be with another man. Heartbreaking whatever the reason.

Pluckedpencil · 10/03/2019 06:41

Snotwotallmumsdo and all of you who have had these awful awful experiences, you've made me cry and I'm so sorry. Well done for telling a bit of your stories and just know people are out there rooting for you now.

fargo123 · 10/03/2019 06:48

I realise a lot of mothers have abandoned their children to be with another man.

When I was in primary school I'd occasionally play with the two little girls/sisters around the corner. One day they mentioned a half brother. I'd never heard the term before and had no concept as to what it meant. It turned out that the 'mother' of the two girls had walked out on her previous husband and three older children for another man.

I'm not sure if the other man was the man she was married to when they lived near me, or whether it was someone else before him, but I always remember the feeling of utter disgust and revulsion I felt towards this woman. I'd always felt uncomfortable around this woman and thought there was something a bit 'off' about her, so finding out she'd doe this utterly despicable thing probably wasn't all that surprising.

It was beyond my comprehension that someone could walk out on their kids. Still is really.

ChiaraRimini · 10/03/2019 07:14

A therapist told me that abandonment is the ultimate fear for a child, and the trauma of a parent disappearing can be worse than that of abuse. Thanksto you all

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