what would you do if you found out your husband was "harassing" some woman?

[anon234355]

Just that really

Please tell the police. You don’t need to press charges, but alert them that there is a problem and ask advice so they log it.

Is it possible that this is part of a bigger picture of him emotionally abusing her?

If he is an abusive git then an important step towards dominating her completely would need to be isolating her from her loving family. Could he have set up this situation in order to engineer a twisted situation where she chooses to cut off contact?

It's likely your DSIS is also a victim in this. I think you're expecting too much from her tbh. If her DH has stopped harrassing you then she's obviously spoken to him but if he's the type of man that stalks his DSIS then it's likely he's also emotionally abusing his DW. He could be making lots of threats to her eg he may have threatened to take their DCs.
Tell your parents but don't make them choose between you and your DSIS. It's your DBIL who has acted badly and criminally, not your DSIS.

Definitely inform the police. Tell them that, as it has stopped, you don't want them to contact him, but would like it recorded in case of future developments.

It may well be him who is stopping your sister from contacting you. I'm sure she knows you too well not to believe you, but she obviously has a troubled marriage at the very least, and that will be what is driving her actions.

Speak to your parents in confidence, and let them guide you.

Again thank you for your replies and all the support. I have not told anyone about this so it feels good to be able to open up with someone.
I think the problem is that he knows no matter what he does my sister will never leave him, so I mean what's stopping him from doing whatever he wants? I have no idea what is going on in her marriage as she doesn't talk about it that much, so it's hard to know what she is really going through. I do think it's totally possible for him to be abusing her emotionally, as he was always a bit strange and I have actually watched him being emotionally abusive towards her, many, many years ago. At that time she could have just left, they weren't married, they didn't have kids, so obviously she chose to be with someone who is an idiot and has no respect for her or her family.
I would never make my parents choose between myself and my sister, as I know the issue here is her husband and not her. I also know that this isn't easy for her, but I expected a reply as this is also really hard for me and she is indirectly putting the blame on me.
If she doesn't get in touch with me soon, I'm afraid that that's it for us. I mean, her husband is totally inappropriate towards me, harasses me, and there are no consequences for him but I get ignored?

@anon234355

Have you told your parents about it yet?

It's very sad isn't it. So many of these type of men were abusive before marriage and kids, yet women still go ahead with marriage.

I couldn't forgive my Dsis (or I'd really) struggle if she couldn't even respond to me, but thankfully she would never do that.

I know because in one incident my BIL was out of line (nothing near as bad as stalking me) and I was very clear that I wouldn't be going to their house again. I would have seen her elsewhere.

She had words with him and he apologised immediately.

Has she got low confidence? Does she somehow feel lucky to have him because he's good looking or something?

Please reach out to her, please tell her that you will always be there for her and you will always have a place for her and the DC. Thus is how these men work, divide and conquer...

SandyY2K no I haven't told my parents yet, my anxiety is quite bad at the moment and just the thought of talking to them about this makes me even more anxious. I think the fact that my sister is reacting the way she is, is making me even more anxious about talking to my parents about it. I overthink a lot and think about all possibilities and lately I have been thinking, if my sister isn't talking to me now, will my parents have a similar reaction? I can totally relate to you as I told my sister straight away that I didn't want him in my house again and that I would never visit them again.
RandomMess I understand your point of view but unfortunately I don't feel like I can contact her. Mainly because of my anxiety and also because I'm kind of hurt by her reaction. I may feel different in a few weeks, but hopefully she will have the decency to contact me soon. She should know that I will always have a place for her and the kids, I was very clear that the issue was her husband. I do feel like she should be the one getting in touch though.

If she's says something to him then she will have been made to pay. When you feel ready to tell your parents just stick to the facts of what he has been doing and that you told sister and you are worried about her.

I understand you must be incredibly hurt but she will be son controlled by him she is to terrified to think let alone do something. Perhaps when your ready just text her with a "I miss you"

Please text your sister.

I know you are hurt because she did not reply to you but you need to see the bigger picture.
Abusers isolate their victim. They twist and gaslight everything making themselves the innocent in all of this.

I could not imagine abandoning my sister in such circumstances.
She may blame you.
She may not believe you.
But 1 day she may need you so keep that door open at your end.

I echo others that you need to tell your parents. Abusers work on secrecy and their behaviour staying hidden.

I know this sounds a bit out there but are you sure she's even seen the message? Is he the sort who has free access to her phone? Is it possible that he intercepted it and has done or said something to make her not contact you?

I echo what the other posters have said about contacting and telling your parents. You could come from an angle of being worried about her if you think that would help.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall she has definitely read the message because she is avoiding me. We meet every week without fail and I haven't heard from her or seen her since I sent that message.
Once again, thank you for the replies, I really appreciate everything that is being suggested. As I said before, right now I don't really see myself contacting her. This doesn't mean that I won't be there for her if she needs me in the future, but it does look like she wants nothing to do with me at the moment and it hurts me. I will definitely speak with my parents soon, as I have no idea if they already know or not and I feel like they also need to know.

RandomMess thank you

Get rid. Harassing someone is against the law. Also how dare he?!