what would you do if you found out your husband was "harassing" some woman?

[anon234355]

Just that really

Ozziewozzie Yes I think in his head I would never say anything. I probably wouldn't say anything if it was every now and then, it just wouldn't be worth it. But it was getting worse and I would have him outside my workplace every week sometimes multiple times in the same week and enough is enough. Do I think my sister is happy with him? Not 100% but I don't think she could live without him, if that makes sense? It's like she is so dependent on him for some reason...
Notonthestairs I hope he doesn't! I think for now he will stay away, but I am a little bit scared of the possibility of him starting this behaviour again in a few months or something as a way of trying to intimidate me more, especially if my sister believes him and not me.

That sounds absolutely horrific for you OP.

He's obviously spun her a load of lies.

I agree with the PP that said about keeping a diary of contact/seeing him and trying to get a photo. Then report him.

Be prepared and gather evidence, record him, photograph him, maybe faced with hard proof your sister will take her head out the sand. Definitely talk to your parents and get their support.

Your sister could well be dependent on him because he's groomed her like that. I bet when they first met he showered her with flowers, attention, texts, phone calls. Your sister would have read this as 'he must really love me' A lot of abusers carry out this behaviour.

Be careful what you confide in your sister moving forward, he will be desperate for any piece of information about you. It will feed his desire and he could end up using it against you to get to you.

Yes I think I need to speak to my parents. I think deep down my sister knows I'm telling the truth, because there was no need for him to be anywhere near my workplace as often as he was. He was obviously going there on purpose, so he could wait for me.

1st. Report him to the police as he isn't normal. No-one who is right in the head would do the stalking. Don't care about your sister but report him. Who knows how he behaves towards her. Maybe he is abusing her but she keeps silent because she so dependant on him.

1. Do consider moving a home if possible.
2. Try to leave your work with someone or ask someone to meet you.

He sounds horrible. I feel for you and your sister should have replied to you.

Some people won't leave their partner no matter what they've done - they'll just deny, minimise, twist, blame ...

Does she have kids with him?

Ozziewozzie you are absolutely right about him wanting to know information about me, I mean he knows what days I work and what time I finish work, I don't remember ever telling him that information. I'm not quite sure if I can have a normal relationship with my sister after all this and after her reaction. He is definitely a very messed up person and the way I see it is that he doesn't have any respect for my sister, myself, their kids, or even my parents! When he told me how attractive I was etc he told me not tell my sister, because she would get mad, I mean what kind of person does this? I don't want to hear that, I don't want to be in this position... this is my sister's husband and the father of my sister kids, how disgusting is this?

Itssosunny thank you for your reply.
Moralitym1n1 yes they have kids

I think you definitely need to make the rest of your family aware. Has he ever called/txtd you? Does your work have CCTV? Be prepared should he start again. I doubt your sister has told anyone, she will be mortified or knows what he's like already.

He's actually destroying your lovely close family. He's controlling this. Your sister is going to bevome isolated from all of you. Exactly what he wants. Try and get s family member to check she's ok. I know she's not been there for you, but until you know how it's played out for her, it's hard to know the extent of all this.
The laws are changing for the better ref stalking but it's still a long process.
I'd report it to get it logged. Until you have proof ( should it continue, ) keep a journal. Also get others involved as in, at work, get colleagues to verify he was there, so you have witnesses every time he turns up.

Bookworm4 No he never texted me, I never gave him my number so he shouldn't know it and he shouldn't have it. I don't think there is cctv outside my workplace but will have to double check.

Ozziewozzie yes he is destroying our family and definitely isolating my sister and the kids. I really hope that my parents believe me and not whatever my sister thinks it happened, otherwise he will definitely destroy our family!

Report to the Police, hopefully your workplace would have external CCTV which would give you evidence of his behaviour.

Bloody hell I would be questioning why he was doing this. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who has harassing another woman. Some women will bury theirs heads in the sand entirely though. I’ve seen it so many times sadly.

Some women will bury theirs heads in the sand entirely though. I’ve seen it so many times sadly.

This.

It's very sad that your sister is ignoring you. I would divorce my husband if he did this.

I'm very close to my Dsis's and would always believe what they tell me.

Some women put up with unacceptable behaviour and I do wonder if anything is a dealbreaker for them.

Don’t worry you did the right thing

It’s hard for your sister to see and accept that her OH is a TOTAL FUCK but right now she deserves to have her own space and wallow in it . After all you are her sister . The hurt must be beyond comprehension . Give her time

I remember your thread from a couple weeks ago. It all sounded really scary and made me shudder. Lots of people on that thread advised you to do both: report to the police and tell your sister. You should still report him to police and write down every instance you can remember. This simple act will likely help shake you out of your fear because you’ll see how bad it’s become. Also, tell your parents after talking to the police. You don’t want them talking you out of filing the report. Show them the timeline of events as back up.

I also think you should report him to the police, AND tell your parents. This is no mere trifle, he is an utter creep.

Police and parents

You need to talk to your parents.

God knows what lies he's told your sister, possibly that you've encouraged it, or that it never happened and you're totally deluded. You need to get your side of things in first. Try and do it face to face though.

I would divorce my DH for much less than what this man has done to you!

I hope the radio silence is cause your sister is booting him out!

You should speak to parents so they are in the loop and can support you

I remember your other thread and want to say well done! I remember you were quite anxious so I imagine it was really hard for you x