what would you do if you found out your husband was "harassing" some woman?

[anon234355]

Just that really

Sometimes the partner of the stalker doesn't want to split up for whatever reason.
Denial?
Finances?
So they can't deal with it in an ethical way.

DId you post bout this before?

I don't really care if she stays with him or not, that's her choice, I just want him away from me. What is hurting me is that I heard nothing from my sister since I told her. I have no idea how she is feeling... so I'm assuming I'm the one to blame for everything

Sister has been fed a pack of lies that you're making it up and have been chasing him is my bet

Maybe he's spun her a story and says you are lying. Have you tried contacting her or are you waiting to hear from her?

Patroclus I posted under a different username asking what to do. Everybody told me to either contact the police or my sister, I told my sister.

I have no idea what he told her, because she isn't talking to me and is clearly avoiding me, but you are all probably right, he must have twisted things

I have not contacted her since, when I told her it was by text. Yes it wasn't the best way, but it was the way I felt more comfortable and the way it made me less anxious. She never replied or said anything. Before this we used to be constantly in touch and met at least once a week

Have you texted her after this?

How long has it been? Maybe she's just processing for now?
I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Was this that guy who forced his way in to fix the fence?

I have not texted her and don't plan on texting her because I feel like I deserved a reply. Yes it's hard for her, but it's also hard for me... It wasn't that long ago, so yeah maybe she is processing everything, but still her silence, says it all really about how she feels

AfterSchoolWorry no

How long ago was it you texted her?

Sorry, but I reckon he’s fed her a pack of lies.
Something like, you came on to him, he knocked you back, now your embarrassed and trying to get back at him or some other bullshit.

a few weeks ago. Yes he most probably said something and that's what is making her not want to contact me, but surely she should know me better. I'm hurt, I really am and don't know what the future holds for us

He has lied, lied and then lied again. He will have told her that you are pursuing him, that you've been stalking him, that you've been messaging him, etc. She's chosen to believe him and that's obviously really hard for you, I'm so sorry. Can you get some support in rl?

Speaking from experience, talking to the police will only create a log. If he were continuing to stalk you, the police would make contact and tell him to stay away. It's a very long winded process and the perpetrator needs to be given adequate definite notice that his actions are causing distress and that his actions are unmistakenly unappropriate. Did you have any witnesses to him hanging around, making comments?

My worry is that if he's married to your sister and openly stalking you, his mind cannot be very balanced at the moment. I've experienced this before and ended up in a woman's aid refuge with my children.
It's a hideous situation to be in. I really hope your sister makes contact with you. Family gatherings will feel awful from this point on. Could you talk it through with your parents perhaps so maybe one of them can contact your sister and offer you both support.
for being so brave telling your sister. She won't thank you for it today, but in time she will.

How close were you, say 5 years ago?

The dh sounds like a horrible creep. It is really frightening to be harassed so I can see why you believe your sister should reply/contact you.

But seeing as this man is totally inappropriate with you re stalking, I cannot imagine what the hell is going on re his behaviour towards your sister. Have they got kids? Because he’s probably abusing her and it’s easier to get away if no kids. Honestly I think you should go round when he’s not there. Unannounced so she doesn’t have to lie to him.

If he was stalking you, that could be the least of his crimes. Have you got parents around? This guy sounds dangerous.

She is probably really embarrassed and upset and doesn’t know what to say to you. Talk to her thank her for stopping him and tell her you love her.🤞

Try and remember, this will come as a shock to your sister. Her natural response will be to deny it's happening as it's easier than facing the reality. This reaction is completely normal. It's like how we often behave finding out oh having affair. Our heads can get buried in the sand or we make excuses etc.

Give her time and expect little. She's being manipulated by a pervert with issues. She's in shock.

It might be old fashioned now but send your sister a letter, explaining your experience and you hope she's ok. It might be embarrassment that she has not replied.

Thank you for all the replies and support! Will try and answer some of your questions. We have always been really close, as I said before I usually meet up with my sister at least once a week. Yes they have kids. Yes my parents live nearby, no idea if they know about it. I'm hoping that this will make him completely back off, if not I will have no choice but go to the police. I don't have any witnesses or anything, but planning on recording on my phone if something else happens again. Mainly what he does is, he waits for me to finish work and then follows me everywhere, asks personal questions, makes comments on how attractive I am... It got to the point where I was going home through a different direction but eventually he would turn up from somewhere. I just couldn't deal with this anymore and I told my sister all of this.

What a weirdo! So blazen. Did he not think you'd tell your sister? How cocky and scary that he actually thought he could intimidate you. He sounds like a rapist in the making if not already.
Who does he think he is? It's definitely abuse. Prior to knowing, did your sister seem happy with him?

I'm afraid I think he'll turn up again. You need to keep a diary of his behaviour. Keep any messages. Record conversations (openly record him, I don't mean doing it covertly). Take photos if needed. Then report him.

It was also suggested you tell your parents. Could you speak to your mum and see if anything has been said by your Dais?

She probably knows deep down you were being truthful but would rather believe his bullshit than rock the boat.