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Original poster

He IS being unreasonable - but what can I do

79 replies

Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 14:00

Ok....I posted this on my other thread but dont think it will be seen.

DS is having his first birthday party on Saturday - he was 1 yesterday.

DP didnt see much of him yesterday as he was out at football training until after bedtime - he wont be coming to the party on Saturday because he has a football match (see the theme here...?)

I think this is not on...especially considering how often he is playing/training/watching football - your 1st sons 1st birthday party is surely good enough reason to miss a game?

I said to him "Oh but you will miss his face when he sees his cake and opens his presents" he retorted "video it and I will watch it when I get back"

He sees it as my fault for organising it for a day he is playing football!

I couldnt imagine not being present at his first party (or any other for that matter) and find it very sad and a bit depressing that DP is quite happy to opt out.

To top it off - he has invited his friends with kids that I dont know too well and he wont be there!

He will be coming in at about 5-6pm - party starts at 2pm so a few adults will still be there but the actual "party" will be over

What do you think?

OP posts:
coddychops · 08/09/2004 14:01

I would agree br
whay have your organised it them?

coddychops · 08/09/2004 14:01

Id have ut when he is there!

CountessDracula · 08/09/2004 14:02

FFS can't he miss football for once>

fio2 · 08/09/2004 14:03

i would slap him becca

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 14:03

well coddy - you have suprised me!?!?

he plays football on saturday, sunday and tuesday and thursday nights

should i ahve to arrange it for a monday evening before bed ffs for his father to be present????

OP posts:
princesspeahead · 08/09/2004 14:03

oh dear becca. I think it is sad that he isn't worried about missing it, but then again, couldn't it have been organised at a time that would suit him better? What about moving it to 4.00, having an hour of playing about, tea and cake at 5.00 and throw everyone out at about 6.30? Then tell him that the cake will be cut at about 5.30 and it is up to him to be there on time.Also means you'll have less time to have to chat to his friends in his absence.

blossomhill · 08/09/2004 14:04

Put your foot down and insist he comes along. I think it's out of order. My dh missed my dd's party a few weeks ago as he had to work but I do thinks that's different. Good luck

moomina · 08/09/2004 14:05

I think 'not on' is an understatement!

I know that first b'day parties are a bigger deal to the mum than to anyone else (I nearly had a nervous breakdown over ds's!) but to not come because of a s*dding football match?! I would be fuming. His priorities are a little skewed, if you ask me.

And why has he invited his friends (with or without kids) if he's not going to be there?

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 14:06

the reasoning for the timing is to fit in with the young babies naps that will be coming - birthday boy included - he is at his best after lunch and nap and want him to enjoy it

also my sister offered to cater and is fab cook - she is flying to gran canaria at 7.30 so had to be a bit earlier in the day

can i also add to the mix when DS was admitted to hospital earlier this year ds still went to match instead of visiting

this isnt a one off occurance more like the straw that broke the camels back

he thinks he is fucking david beckham - he only gets 15 quid a game lol

OP posts:
moomina · 08/09/2004 14:09

So, your sister is catering the party even though she is flying off on holiday that day and therefore presumably has things to do, and yet your dp can't be bothered to miss a match for it? Hmmmmmm....

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 14:11

Yes!!! exactly and this kind of thing has happened before

for example - ive just started working from home and had to travel down to peterborough on sunday for the day for training

i had to get my sister to stay overnight so that she could look after kids first thing in the morning so i could go and get train - dp couldnt as he had football training - im all for him having a hobby - proud of him even that he does so well but not when it comes at the detriment to the family

he plays for TWO teams so two matches and two lots of training - wouldnt one be enough?

OP posts:
bundle · 08/09/2004 14:11
  1. take the laces out of his football boots
2. bill him for the whole thing, including your sister's catering (send him an invoice) 3. show him this thread
Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 14:15

why am i so angry about this? its really making me fume

OP posts:
KateandtheGirls · 08/09/2004 14:16

To be honest, the fact that he didn't come to the hospital when your little boy was admitted would upset me a lot more than not coming to the birthday party. Having said that, I would be annoyed about the birthday party too.

He should realise that priorities should change once you're a parent, and playing football 4 times a week doesn't fit in with that.

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 14:18

Kateandthegirls - thanks, although we knew DS was going to be fine by then I was still flabbergasted that he went out to watch match as I would have really appreciated the company and im sure ds wuold have liked to see him.

4 times a week appointment with football is too much isnt it - i keep asking him to just play for one team but i just get a load of bollox about how important his football is etc etc etc

OP posts:
coddychops · 08/09/2004 14:19

yes once is sufficinet IMo

KateandtheGirls · 08/09/2004 14:21

Shouldn't his son be more important than football?

ponygirl · 08/09/2004 14:22

Becca - yes he is being completely unreasonable and I don't blame you for being furious. I would be too. This is obviously an ongoing problem, though, and one that needs dealing with, as it's interfering with lots of areas of your life. Can you talk to him about it? Can't he ease off a bit on the footie? Has he always had this level of commitment or has it just crept up? If you're this unhappy with the situation then you need to find a compromise. Good luck!

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 14:25

he has always played but spent a whole season injured last year so it hasnt been this full on for a while and we have had DS since then.

He used to be pro swimmer but left that due to injury i have a feeling he is trying to gain some success agian as he is very competitive and sporty - he is so focussed on this i dont think he realises how pissed off it makes me

OP posts:
hatter · 08/09/2004 14:26

tot up the hours he spends playing football and tell him that you will be spending the same amount of time doing activities that you enjoy and which are not compatible with looking after ds or being with dh. (and you'll be doing them at times to suit you and he will have to work round it) If he plays as much as you say then I kind of suspect that that would leave you, as a family, with no family time at all and an untidy house. If dh thinks this is unreasonable (which, hopefully he will) then you both agree to a lesser amount of time each away from the family ie something both fair and reasonable. Hopefully he will have to see that it IS totally unfair of him to play for two teams and will have to concede that he plays for one team.

I'm sure you've asked him - but just what changes has he made to his life since ds was born? Things don't just carry on the same as before.

CountessDracula · 08/09/2004 14:26

chop his leg off

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 14:33

im tempted CD im tempted!!

he goes out drinking/socialising with friends a lot less than before - i suppose that is what has changed - but he has replaced it with football!

OP posts:
acnebride · 08/09/2004 14:36

I wonder what he thinks wd happen if he only played 4 one team. i'm not trying to excuse him, especially re the hospital incident, but has he said exactly why footie matters this much to him?

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:20

arrghh he is still not budging

its really pissing me off now - not only for harveys sake but for my sake too! we are having house full round and he is flitting off to let me entertain/run after/feed everyone

OP posts:
blossomhill · 08/09/2004 22:20
Angry