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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He IS being unreasonable - but what can I do

79 replies

Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 14:00

Ok....I posted this on my other thread but dont think it will be seen.

DS is having his first birthday party on Saturday - he was 1 yesterday.

DP didnt see much of him yesterday as he was out at football training until after bedtime - he wont be coming to the party on Saturday because he has a football match (see the theme here...?)

I think this is not on...especially considering how often he is playing/training/watching football - your 1st sons 1st birthday party is surely good enough reason to miss a game?

I said to him "Oh but you will miss his face when he sees his cake and opens his presents" he retorted "video it and I will watch it when I get back"

He sees it as my fault for organising it for a day he is playing football!

I couldnt imagine not being present at his first party (or any other for that matter) and find it very sad and a bit depressing that DP is quite happy to opt out.

To top it off - he has invited his friends with kids that I dont know too well and he wont be there!

He will be coming in at about 5-6pm - party starts at 2pm so a few adults will still be there but the actual "party" will be over

What do you think?

OP posts:
charliecat · 08/09/2004 22:27

I think I would ring the footy boss and get him to ring your dh to tell him hes no longer needed for the team thats playing on your ds's birthday. And tell the footy boss why your asking him to do it.
This sort of thing really pisses me off.
What would his reaction be if you said actually darling, on ds's birthday im going to get my nails painted...all hell would break out.

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:29

And what pisses me off EVEN more is that its all been turned round to "stop nagging/miserable/get off my back/you should have arranged it for a convenient day"

oh sorry! yes its my fault your priorities are f*cked up

OP posts:
charliecat · 08/09/2004 22:30

Cant you say FFs tell you what neither of us will go and Harvey can spend the day on his own.
Just to try and make him see sense.

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:32

I have tried that

I said "What if I decided not to bother? I just could not imagine not being there, it just wouldnt happen no matter what it is never mind a football match that happens week in week out"

he just sai

"i know you couldnt"

OP posts:
sobernow · 08/09/2004 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ripley · 08/09/2004 22:33

Maybe you could say something like "what are you going to say to your son when he asks why Daddy isn't in the video of his first Birthday?"

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:33

i was upset yesterday rather than angry an he kept asking what was up - i told him this morning which led on to a row and him calling me miserable!

shall i go through and sit in front of the telly and cry?

he would just tell me to get out of the way of the football!

OP posts:
ripley · 08/09/2004 22:33

...when he's older obviously.

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:34

He is being so stubborn

I said do you not want to see his little face when he tries to blow out the candles

"he cant blow"

no but he will be amazed with everyone there and the presents etc

"he will probably cry"

OP posts:
josephine27 · 08/09/2004 22:41

we all have our gripes with dp's/dh's and mine winds me up something cronik sometimes, but to buuger off too footie on your ds's 1st birthday! he sounds like he thinks he is more important than Harvey! start doing things without him, dont involve him, you and Harvey go away for few days even visiting friends, dont tell him, dont explain as he obviously aks like a kid himself, let him fend for himself. organize days out with you, Harvey and friends, he'll eventually feel so left out and ds will have had so much fun, not to mention you feeling better for being around friends(believe me i know. im sorry but i thought i had it bad, he's a selfish git who's goading you into an argument, you need to give him a taste of his own medicine but without ds suffering. i really hope you get somewhere, he doeasnt deserve you both.x

Flossam · 08/09/2004 22:44

Completely immature and the sort of reason I get myself in trouble....but... I would be tempted to tell DP to tell his friends that there are too many people coming... Because he won't be around to help out. That way, his friends will be on your side too and he will look very selfish etc and might make him rethink his ways, as might the threat of doing this. Sorry I know it is awful but it might work

charliecat · 08/09/2004 22:44

Hes being a selfish twat, and even if his son doesnt know, cant blow and does cry, you his wife and mummy of the birthday boy will not forget it. Thats for sure.

sobernow · 08/09/2004 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:45

Josephine, thanks for message....

thing is and this may sound naieve he is generally very good - although for some reasons is SO SO committed to his football which i support but cant understand on this ocassion.

Im always out and about with friends etc so that wouldnt really affect anything with him

argh i dont know

Im also embarassed what everyone will think about him not bothering to be there until later

OP posts:
charliecat · 08/09/2004 22:46

Im now thinking along the lines of shoving him down the stairs so he cant play football

Flossam · 08/09/2004 22:46

Sorry, not clear, that his friends won't be able to come any more because there won't be enough help.

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:48

Thing is he is going to swoop in later on when people will probably be there still and be life and soul and shower attention on Harvey but I will be left seething thinking yep you pick and choose how you would like to interact with the family

thats what gets me most - he is very helpful alot of the time, but only when nothing more pressing is on......I think Im bitter that he doesnt have that responsibility of no matter what else is going on in the world my duty is to the kids and everything else has to come second place

OP posts:
ripley · 08/09/2004 22:48

You shouldn't be embarressed, he should. People won't think any less of you, but they will of him. I think the suggestion of teling his friends is a brilliant idea btw.

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:49

lol charliecat - its quite pathetic really as he seems to get injured alot - he comes in with hamstring injuries and sits and massages it and makes an appointment with "physio" you would honestly think he was michael bloody owen

OP posts:
Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:50

He was on the phone to one of them before, they must have asked why he wouldnt be there as I heard him saying

"I'll be along later, its just for the kids earlier on...."

eh? yeah!! just for the kids - thats the fcking point - its your* "kids" birthday party

its like he isnt missing anything as he will be back in time for something to eat and a drink with his friends

OP posts:
Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:51

Hark at me going on, I will shut up soon I promise...

I also find itHIGHLY rude he has invited people into his home who will no doubt be giving things up so they can bring their children along and he doesnt have the decency to be their to offer the hospitality IYSWIM

OP posts:
sobernow · 08/09/2004 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Beccarollover · 08/09/2004 22:52

Is that true that Beckham hasnt missed any parties?

He will probably say yeah well Victoria will have made sure they were on convenient days

OP posts:
sobernow · 08/09/2004 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

josephine27 · 08/09/2004 22:55

why not hire a room for the party? soft play or something?then you wont have all the crap to deal with and he'll have to get his backside there if he wants to pretend he's golden balls to his mates, wives n kids.
dont be embarresed, they all drive us up the wall sometimes, i could count on my hands how manytimes mine has changed dd's nappy since born, or fed, or bathed!we're just better than them..at everything and they cant face it!
you are the best mum ds could have and i know you'll make the party a wonderful day. dont stress if he's being a prat, you enjoy your party, look what you did a year ago and be proud you've got this far with or without his help!its ds's day, it's dp's loss.xx

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