Has any body ever had an emotional affair ..

[Raidmywardrobe]

And what was the outcome?

Hi OP,
How did it go?

My DP had an EA about 5 years ago. I still don't trust him. Too many reasons to list.

To update you and for those struggling with reducing contact with people . I did not respond to a triple text on Friday evening. He did not contact me for the rest of the weekend . I was made up as I felt I was truly over the hump. However, I cameinto work this morning and he has been hounding me since , so you were correct. .he appeared sheepish as if he didn’t know if I was upset with him but he certainly knew that there was a shift in the friendship. He has spent his morning trying to make me laugh , engage in project talk, complimenting etc. I don’t know what he is trying to do. It’s odd. I can expect a flurry of messages later

He needs his dopamine fix. I'd tell you are done. No ins and outs. Give something he cannot argue against. Such as no winners especially your families

Yes YOU need to put some simple, clear boundaries down. I would be direct as his behaviour right now is telling you that he is refusing to read between the lines. Maybe find some simple words to convey verbally as any text he could share with your DH or your employer.
Or send a text so that nothing can be construed from it. Are you his superior or employer - are there any conflicts of interest or potential risks involved?

Thanks. I have got great advice here and have to some choice sentences to use which I will. I will continue to ignore messages if any come through this evening and during this week. I will remain bright eyed and normal
Chatty at work in the morning. No we are on the same pay grade and level at work . The way he is behaving today makes me think that he is suspicious of me , that he is wondering if there is a problem . He doesn’t give up easily and the lack of messaging is very unusual

Why can’t you block his number? Saves you the bother of ignoring and wondering. Unless you like playing that game?

Blocking the number looks emotional, I think. Just say that his texts are unwanted, " This is not working for me etc"

He wouldn’t know if she had blocked his texts. His text gets sent but nit delivered. He would only know she had blocked his number if he phoned. I agree be up front and direct - and then block to save you the headspace or watching for a message. Use that freed up headspace that was preoccupied with him to think about how you want your current relationship to move forward / pan out - or not.

Name changed for this.

I did. I am not proud of it, but it wasn't quite that clear cut. I was miserable in a 21 year relationship, he was abusive emotionally, financially and verbally. Its a cliche but he was my personal trainer and is 11 years younger than me. He used to see me in the gym, he could tell when I wasn't on form. He could tell when something was wrong with me. He noticed me. He did NOT persue me, and I did not persue him in any way with the idea anything physical would happen. He was just lovely, and he liked talking to me too.

He started to find out a bit about my life. He knew I was being financially abused because I had to pay in cash even though I was earning all the money, so ex didnt know I was having training because he was so tight and controlling(ex didnt work at the time). In fact thats how it started, because I explained to him why I couldnt pay by direct debit. He knew I couldnt stay long at the gym because I got shit for being there. He had a lot of empathy and for the first time in years I felt that someone found me interesting and actually cared. He could tell how stressed I was. It was him I talked to when ex tried to strangle me. We did communicate outside of the gym via instagram or whats app but not much.

We developed a platonic relationship, but I shared with him stuff I shoudln't have. In the end I became quite obsessed with him, I thought about him all the time. I will point out he is still a very good friend and when I left my ex we did meet up once and kissed. But it didn't go any further than that, we both realised it should stay as friends. It wouldn't have worked at all, and we have maintained a very good friendship. I didnt leave my relationship because of him, but it did open my eyes that there are actually nice guys out there.

He is uber professional (I know people wont believe it as he is a PT, but honestly he is, and hes actually quite shy) but we just developed a bond. He is one of the nicest people I know. He comes to mine sometimes for dinner, or we go for a drink, we are just friends. I look at him now and while he is still very attractive and I care about him, that feeling has gone. I just care about him for who he is, nothing else, and vice versa.

I know it was a distraction from my shitty relationship and I did the right thing and left before anything did or could happen, but I do feel guilty that he occupied a lot of my thoughts during that time.It was a catalyst to me escaping. I was so depressed and low, he was like a ray of sunshine in my life. Things got so bad for me I nearly drove myself off a cliff because I couldnt see a way out. He never told me what to do, he just listened.

In mumsnet world, EA are always wrong, but honestly, I think he saved my life and sanity. I am in a great place now, I will always credit hiim for what he did for me. I do sometimes wonder if he is my guardian angel :) :)

I am in a new realationship now, and he knows about our friendship and is cool with it. I dont see him that much anymore socially, but I know he will always be in my life as a very good friend.

An emotional affair that I wouldn’t allow to become physical broke my mind. Three more helped to heal it. A further one is helping me mature, emotionally. Learned from them all, committed to none.