Has any body ever had an emotional affair ..

[Raidmywardrobe]

And what was the outcome?

Thanks.its helpful to thrash it out and make some sense of the situation. I thought that when he met his girl and the contact reduced a bit , that we were back on an even keel but even at that, there is the contact when he is not with her . I thought that because he doesn’t contact me too much when he was with her , that he was too engrossed and interested in her company. Then I asked myself why the constant communication to me when he is not with her . Why isn’t he messaging her all the time . So I was trying to convince myself that this was just an intense texting friendship..innocent and not upsetting anyone . Maybe he is bored . I can’t imagine why he would be interested in me. I am just average and am nothing to be excited about although he sees me as this super confident person which I am not really .

If you are texting or having conversations that you would not have in front of your partner then there is something wrong. You might want to think about why you do this. What are you missing in your relationship and in what way would you feel comfortable with filling that hole?

Well, what Mn generally calls an 'emotional affair' for me is a perfectly normal, non-sexual close friendship with a man

Are you for real ? Emotional affairs can be the pre-cursor to it getting physical. You talk much more to your EA partner. Possibly trust them more. You have time for each other.

Because there's no.....daily round, school run, food preparation, t.v., hobby, in-laws, housework etc etc etc on and on and on.

Funny that.

There is nothing dodgy in the texts. Just the amount of them and the intensity of the chat. By not texting me too much when he is with her, I’ would think that he had no sexual interest in me

I think you're rationalizing why it's ok for him to msg you. He doesn't do it when with her, as he doesn't want her to see. As soon as she's gone he's all over you....

And you've not mentioned your partner much xxx

What do you mean by the intensity of the chat?

Saying you love each other is “dodgy” though OP. Saying anything to the man that you wouldn’t be happy for your partner to see/hear is wrong.

I do love him as a friend. He is wonderful and fulfils the need to have good interesting conversations about research in our work, film, music, travel . All interests that my partner and I dont share . Intensity meaning the depth at which he confides in me about personal affairs eg medical, family, sexual etc

Seems to me your head has been well and truly turned....

What are you thinking to do next?

Carrying on is wrong and risky. Why not end your current rel, cut off contact with him so you don't do any more wrong and see what happens next...

I think it sounds like a very deep, albeit inappropriate (for 2 people who are in relationships) friendship.

If he was female, there wouldn't be an issue. It's the fact that he's male is what's confusing you and blurring the lines, I think

I do genuinely think women are more prone to them when something is lacking in their primary relationship, men, not always the case, I think it’s often about the secrecy and the buzz and wanting that thrill of the new

For me it is exactly that. A man can be perfectly happy at home and still do this.

Yes if it was a female friend I wouldn’t care so much but then we wouldn’t be talking like this to eachother . I couldn’t think of hurting my partner so best to pull away and stop responding but it will be difficult when we are colleagues plus I will miss the conversations and the fun and laughter . I will pull away slowly. Sadly, ime he will chase more when I pull away as he has done on the past . This could just be an ego boost for him . A woman willing to converse with him and have regular contact . Not sure there is anything sexual to consider on his part

So many people screwing over another person.

'Not sure there is anything sexual to consider on his part'

Of course there is OP. Do you think he'd form the same 'friendship' with a male?

If it’s totally innocent and you are doing nothing dodgy, why don’t the four of you go out together ?

MakeItAmazing Wed 06-Mar-19 14:42:44
So many people screwing over another person.

It’s horrible isn’t it? OP hand your phone over to your partner and let him read everything. Or imagine reversing the situation, how would you feel?

There really is nothing to read that’s inappropriate. It’s the amount and duration of the texting that makes me feel something’s off at the moment. He doesn’t say inappropriate things so much anymore, since he is with his new girl. Rarely .

There’s obviously something missing in your relationship so why don’t you just end it? If you’re unhappy and putting all of your energy into this other man then you won’t be missing much, you give your partner a chance to meet someone who will treat him better and things may or may not somewhere with the other guy but at least you won’t be sneaking around and living a lie.

Are you jealous of the new girl? Are you pining for contact when he is with her?

I have no interest in leaving my partner. I love him which is really why I posted as I felt the sands were shifting and I could not differentiate between friendship and emotional affair . I get some things from my friends and family and I get other things from my partner . I was happy with the way things were but they’ve gone too far and I’m not comfortable. I am not jealous of his girlfriend and she is no threat to me or our friendship and I don’t pine . I actually forget about him when not in regular contact with him . I don’t fancy him or find him sexually attractive but I do love our friendship and time together. I come across as completely confused reading back over all of this .

Sorry t answer your q pp, I do wonder if he will contact me when with her as he usually doesn’t . I then wonder why, when she is gone, he is literally straight on the phone to me messaging. That makes no sense to me at all. He could be bored of course and it would make sense ?

i have.

initially i was convinced (trying to convince myself, i suppose) that it was just a friendship.

in fact, if you read through 99.9% of our messages, you'd be hard-pressed to find anything that in isolation could even be considered dodgy.

but the frequency and volume is what told the story (IMs throughout the day, then texts in the evening).

eventually she let slip when drunk that she saw me as more than a friend, but i knew before that. i pulled away at that point, and it fizzled out.

i think there has to be some sort of spark, otherwise how do we not end up in these situations with any and everyone?

for me the realisation was that i seem to have a finite amount of emotional energy. i was using this energy with someone other than my wife/family, and as a result there was less for them. i was more irritable with them, and was more distant.

they deserved better.

i won't be getting into that sort of situation again.

DId you have romantic or platonic feelings for her pp?

i would have sworn purely platonic at the time.

nothing was ever said by me to the friend that an outsider might have construed as romantic.

but given that it impacted on my relationship with my wife and DCs, i'm not sure i was being completely honest with myself.