Ending a relationship for no valid reason

[Passmeagin]

So I have decided today to put an end to my 6 month relationship. We haven't been together long but he completely adores and loves me. (He tells me all the time) I sound horrible but I just don't feel the same.
He's kind and generous and loving. However he can be very needy. I like my space and am a busy single mum so some nights I just want to be on my own but he'll always messsge saying how much he misses me and nags to come over. I've discussed this with him and he says he'll stop but never does. He doesn't really have any friends and says I'm all he needs. Whereas I'm very sociable with a large group of mates.
Basically what I'm asking is has anyone ended a relationship with someone who hadn't actually done anything wrong or hurt you. You just weren't feeling it. I just know it's going to hurt him and he's going to get emotional. I feel like such a bitch

Ultimately no one needs further reason than “I don’t want to continue going out with you” to break up. Stand your ground and good luck

He is completely blowing past your boundaries. And it will only get worse once he knows you will accept it.

Someone, somewhere, would love someone like this. Think of it that you are setting him free to find her.

Duchess - good post.

Would it be worth going one further and stating "I am going to be single from now on" rather than an 'I want' sentence - stating the case sounds more definite, maybe?

OP - I think he will want to enter into a debate and much like negotiations with teenagers where there is no debate to be had, I think it might help you to have some phrases to parrot at him - repeatedly if needs be.

eg

I know my own mind, it's made up, and I'm happy with my decision.
There's nothing to discuss, this isn't a negotiation, let's part civilly.

Good luck.

He's not brilliant OP. He sounds rather obsessive and manipulative to me, and not terribly respectful. And what's with the weird lack of social life? Honestly, don't feel bad about ending it. Be robust and resolute, finish it, wish him well, then walk away. Ignore texts and calls.

I just feel I need a cast iron excuse instead of just "I don't want to be with you"

"I don't want to be with you" is a cast iron excuse and reason. You shouldn't with someone you don't want to be with.

Only meet face to face if you feel comfortable ending it that way. You don't owe him anything. That includes anymore of your time. He has been told previously that you'd like him to back off a bit and he didn't. He sounds manipulative and possibly controlling.

Be very clear with him, no mixed messages at all. You are not interested in pursuing a relationship with him and do not want to stay in touch.

The lack of social life bothered me to but I just thought it was me as I have many friends and a good social life so it would seem strange to me iyswim

I agree with the pp but I can imagine how hard it would be for a people pleaser with weak boundaries to say those words.

Try

'This leaves me feeling stifled so it's over''.

''We want different things out of a relationship so it's over''

''This is making me unhappy so it's over''.

I can imagine you (forgive me) being so apologetic for feeling the way you feel, even though you have the right to your feelings that whatever you say, he will believe it's a subject up for discussion. Like you trying to end it is a debate

Whatever you say to him, I suggest pinning ''... so it's over'' on to the end of it.

I'm unhappy so it's over.
It doesn't feel right anymore so it's over.
I feel stressed so it's over.
I feel stifled so it's over.
I want to be single again so it's over.

In a perfect world, he'd just say ok and disappear but I think that as you've already tried to break it off once you're going to find it easier if you think about language that cannot be argued with.
Do not whatever you do bring up specific incidents where he behaved in a way that didn't feel right for you as he will turn it around in to an examination of YOUR perceived failings.

If he does obfuscate with a list of your failings, just agree, do not defend yourself. Say ''yes, you're right we're not compatible'' or ''yes you're right it's not working''

He sounds like my x. In the end I realised my x couldn't really be close to people unless the dynamic was that he was in charge.

He did isolate me from my friends and it took me THREE goes to get away from him because every time I tried to end it he turned it in to a debate where it was actually my flaws up for discussion; me up on trial!

He sounds like an abuser in waiting, red flags over you being all he needs (it'll become why do you need other people, if he doesn't), and making excuses to come over even when not supposed to be coming etc.

Do not feel guilty. Ditch!

You're right that I do feel apologetic for my feelings. I feel guilty that I can't fall for him like he has me. I do however believe that sub consciously his eagerness and clinginess is actually the reason I can't

@fromage, yes, good point, good distinction. With these types you need to leave as little room for their response as possible.

Good luck OP.

He sounds like a right cock.

It's very likely that your abusive marriage has skewed your judgement to a degree where you think this man is a nice guy because he's not like your ex. Abusers are very clever at spotting vulnerable women. And they move fast
I agree with category 12
He's an abuser in waiting. You don't need a reason to end the relationship, no excuses just tell him it's over.
Do the freedom programme before you start dating again.

Not done anything wrong?!

Red flags galore!

Needy
No friends - really? NONE?!
Love bombing
Ignoring boundaries
Emotionally manipulative

What was your abusive husband like the 1st 6 months you were with him?

You DON'T owe him anything.

I also second you doing some kind of therapy before you get into another relationship too.

Sorry Op I sounded very bossy.
Try and do the freedom programme.
Best of luck and stick to your guns

@graphista you don't sound bossy at all. He does have one good friend. I'm always telling him to go see him because he might lose him as a mate. He would always cancel on him or say he was busy so he could see me instead. I didnt know that at first but when I found out I was really angry at him for jeapordising his friendship. I think it's healthy so have different friends and do things separately

About to set off. I feel sick. Wish me luck

You are doing the right thing remember that good luck

Good luck

I think you are doing the right thing to end it in a public place and then go NC. As much as it will hurt him, going NC is better for him too, otherwise he will just keep hoping. I agree with being very to the point and saying something along the lines of "I want to be on my own" so there's no room for debate.

I haven't dated since my experience with the guy above, that was 18 months ago now. And funnily enough, he was my first relationship after an abusive relationship, so I do think my boundaries were off. At first I thought I'd got lucky finding someone so nice and caring. But I realise now my mistakes. I will say, that I absolutely love being on my own now! It would take someone extremely special to lure me away from the joys of singledom. And I am much clearer now on what a healthy relationship looks like.

You’re recognising red flags. Well done.

Get rid of him. Don’t engage. Block.

Maybe this will help. If you give him a long list of reasons as to why you are breaking up then actually that is nasty. The old It's me not you is a classic for a reason. It avoids character assassination and can't be negotiated.

I think you sound perfectly healthy- you've realised that this man is being too needy for you. You don't feel the same as he does and want out. You're instincts are spot on here. Still hard knowing you're going to hurt someone- but it's the right thing. Good Luck.