AIBU to be gutted about end of FWB

[musicalfruit123]

I’ll try not drag this out too long. FWB for around 4 years !! (On and off but tended to happen on average once every 2-3 months). Myself and the friend are close outside of sexual encounters and meet most weeks for coffee lunch etc. This is where I will get flamed...years back I was infatuated with this guy, but he made it clear he just wanted to be friends, I accepted and moved on emotionally but not completely. He started seeing someone 2 years ago and I said I wasn’t comfortable continuing to see him, however we have continued... This weekend he met me for a ‘one last time’ session and I’m gutted. And annoyed at myself for being such a dick. He has totally minimised it all when I expressed I was feeling a bit sad about it and told me ‘it’s not like we were doing it all the time’... So AIBU? Or have I got what I deserved? (Please don’t be too mean mumsnetters)

Sorry musical but it is black and white. He was clear from the start that it was never going to be a relationship, and as soon as he got a gf he should have stopped shagging you. This is where he starts being a scumbag - he didn’t. But you should have said no, you wouldn’t do it while he was in a relationship.

I too disagree with the ‘its disrespectful’ rhetoric. I had a FWB on and off for 10 years, and over that time we both had a couple of other relationships and would tell each other if we were seeing someone. If either of us was in a relationship with someone else, we’d still be in touch but just as friends. We could go months without talking and I didn’t give two hoots who he was with or what he was upto. We’d lie in bed after having sex swiping through tinder and telling each other about dates we’d been on. If he ever asked me to be in a relationship with him, I’d have emphatically said no, and I’m sure he would have said the same to me. I never held off other guys because of him. It can work - but you need to be on the same page. Some people you might like and fancy but not have that deeper connection needed for a relationship, and that’s fine if it’s mutual. It can never work if one person wants more, which is what’s happened here, but in the nicest possible way if he told you from the start it was FWB you’ve been deluding yourself for a long time to think it could develop

Also, you're only 30. He is FORTY THREE and still behaving like this. He won't change. If you were in a relationship with him, you'd always be looking over your shoulder. I bet his lovely girlfriend is much younger too?

Harsh but true...that’s why I posted here for your honesty which you have all given.

Yep his GF is even younger than me, think around 25/26.

I never expected him to leave her for me, always knew he would be terrible relationship material. As much as he kids himself now that he is going to settle down I know he will always be seeing others. Unfortunately despite knowing these things my heart had other ideas. I’ve even thought that if we were ever together properly that I’d be ok with him carrying on shagging others because even just a little bit of him would be enough for me. So pathetic :(

You got what you deserved op.

Shagging him when he was with someone, how fucking grim.

It's a shame you haven't ended up together as you sound perfect for one another.

Does he have a gold cock?

Oh FFS! You’re not a victim, you willingly signed up for one thing in the hopes it would turn into another and it didn’t. You romanised being a sexual convenience, just because it didn’t end the way you wanted doesn’t make him a bad person. He wasn’t nice because he was cheating on his gf, you however were getting the most honest part of him but that never included a romantic future.

Jeez, tell his GF! Poor woman needs to know her older boyfriend is a cheating dick.

Before she moves in with him.