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Original poster

So so mad with my selfish sister, pregnant when her kids hate the father

56 replies

pumpkinpie01 · 05/03/2019 11:36

Im so angry with my sister I just need a rant. Bit of a back story - she runs her own business and is barely at home, (think 6 days a week 12 hour days) her 2 youngest children 10 and 15 are on their own a lot. She works all weekend, never spends any quality time with them. Just under 2 years ago she started a relationship with a man 18 years younger than her and moved him in within 3 months. Her DC have no bond with him whatsoever. She is now about 3 months pregnant god knows how she will find the time to look after a baby. I think the world of her kids, her DD was sobbing her heart out at her mums selfishness and the 2 oldest have now moved in with me and want nothing to do with her. How on earth is this going to have a happy ending ? Why get pregnant deliberately by a man your kids have no relationship at all with ? I cant get my head round her thinking, Im so angry that she has basically put him before her DC.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 05/03/2019 13:21

How did her children come to live with you? Is it temporary or permanent? They’re lucky they have you as an option but how’s it going to work? Is their father in the picture?

Your sister is going to do whatever she wants by the sounds of things so put your energy into supporting your nieces.

CassettesAreCool · 05/03/2019 13:50

I'm so sorry pumpkin, as the sister of two hopelessly selfish siblings I can feel your pain. All you can do is console her children, and reassure them you love them and will do as much as you can to support them. Maybe help them build stronger relationships between them and with whatever other family you have? Agree with PP there is little you can do to change the decision your sister has made. But worth emphasising to her that you cannot be called upon to look after the poor baby when it arrives (you have enough to cope with!)

Original poster
pumpkinpie01 · 05/03/2019 13:51

They just came to mine in the last couple of days, they are so angry and upset they wont speak to her. I love them to bits they can stay with me for as long as they want. I could not get through to her at all , she actually thinks giving her bf a child is more important than her kids happiness and that she is doing nothing wrong even thou she literally has no time for them. Their dad is a brilliant dad and they see him regularly he is very angry too as he knows his daughter does not get enough attention.

OP posts:
GregoryPeckingDuck · 05/03/2019 13:52

That sounds incredibly frustrating.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/03/2019 13:57

Could they go and stay/live with their dad? I’m sure they’ll still value and need your support but he’s their other parent and should be stepping up. As their mum is such a flake he should have been around more anyway.

Original poster
pumpkinpie01 · 05/03/2019 13:59

Thank you, there is no way on earth I will be helping with her baby no chance. God knows what she will do for childcare working the hours she works. He is a year older than her oldest son, the DC are so embarrassed. Its not just the age gap either, they don't like him ! She denys that of course but has openly admitted that she knew the kids would not be happy with the news.

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Original poster
pumpkinpie01 · 05/03/2019 14:04

@AnneLovesGilbert their dad is brilliant but doesnt live in the same town, my DN goes their every holidays and every weekend. He has been in touch with me and them. I dont mind having them, I have the room they are no trouble. Moving away from school and the older ones work would not be practical and I love them to bits, plus I am v. close to them anyway. Just feel so so sorry for them. She spends no quality time with them and then purposively gets pregnant.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 05/03/2019 14:11

The children have two parents , if the Dad really thinks the children are were being neglected, then he needs to step up.

Original poster
pumpkinpie01 · 05/03/2019 14:19

@AgentJohnson the oldest doesnt live at home anyway he is 19 but has chosen to come to mine too as his sister(15) is so upset. Their dad would obviously have them, he would love too he does so much for them and my DN15 will probably move their when she starts college. But they actually want to be with me for now, they are both very close to my DD16. The youngest (10) has a different father and went to live with his dad a month ago, he doesn't even know the news yet ! What a mess and my sister actually does not see what she has done wrong and has said it wasnt fair if he remained childless ! What isnt fair is her daughter crying her eyes out !

OP posts:
MulticolourMophead · 05/03/2019 16:17

I guess as long as you're in good contact with the dad of the older two, then you can help smooth the transition for them to live with their dad. Maybe being with your DD is giving them some comfort and familiarity right now.

Your sister is being selfish, but she'll reap what she sows, because with 3 children all going and living elsewhere (I assume she only has these 3?) she's the one losing out. I wonder how much contact they'll have with their mum as they grow older.

Dieu · 05/03/2019 17:30

You're an amazing auntie, but your sister's a fanny Thanks

poppingoff · 05/03/2019 18:01

She's pregnant to a 20 year old? Confused

MariaNovella · 05/03/2019 18:07

Your sister does indeed sound extremely irresponsible. You probably need to work this out with their father. Good luck.

Original poster
pumpkinpie01 · 05/03/2019 20:30

@poppingoff , she is 40 he is 22 and her oldest son is nearly 20. @Dieu thank you I just want to be there for them . She hasn’t even attempted to talk to them tonight she has actually gone out with her bf ! I want to shake her and scream at her.

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YoLoHogwomanay · 05/03/2019 21:26

What a lovely sister you sound, OP Hmm

Perhaps a bit more support and less judging of your sister would be more useful? So, she wants to have a child with her new BF. Why can't you just be happy for her? Her other DC will get used to the idea and will eventually welcome a new sibling. It's just change, but they will manage. Maybe better and quicker if you weren't poisoning them with your own judgey views. A new baby is a wonderful thing to a family, not a selfish act. It sounds like she has a demanding job. Great that she has a committed partner to share the workload of a new baby with. How can you help her?

Crystalintheeyes · 05/03/2019 21:51

YoLoHogwomanay

Sometimes having a baby is a selfish act! She already had 2 kids by 2 men and had shacked up with a 22 year old and got pregnant by him when she doesn’t even bother with her other children.
She’s a selfish bitch and needs to take a look at her actions.

I feel sorry for her poor kids, at least they have the OP.

MulticolourMophead · 05/03/2019 21:54

YoLoHogwomanay The sister is a selfish twat, and given that the BF is only 22, there's no guarantee he's going to hang around for long, given the age between him and the sister. I can't see it lasting at all, especially when the reality of sleepness nights, etc kicks in.

And the sister should most definitely have been paying attention to her DC. They weren't getting on with the BF, and were getting no attention from their mum, and she thinks a baby is a good idea? She's had all three children move out, her youngest doesn't even know yet, and she chooses to go out with the BF instead of talking to her upset DC?

No, she's just selfish.

CloudyTuesday · 05/03/2019 22:01

I agree she's selfish and have no problem being called judgmental. What's wrong with judging someone who's hurting people by behaving like a selfish twat?

She hasn't got time for the kids she's got, so I've no idea why she'd want an extra one. It sounds like her bf made noises about wanting one and she was frightened of losing him.

Poor kids, having a mum who moved her fella in after three months despite them not liking him, mortifying for them that he's closer to their age than hers.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/03/2019 22:22

Your sister is a twat.
How many kids by how many men does she have?

I wouldn't buy a single thing for the baby. Don't give her any attention that she clearly craves and don't babysit.

Have your other family responded to her news?

Tatiannatomasina · 05/03/2019 22:27

You reap what you sow. She will realise when its all too late. Thankfully the children have you and their fathers. Leave her to it, she wont listen.

Rumbletum2 · 05/03/2019 22:28

YoLo - are you the selfish sister? 🤨

I’m happy to judge. She sounds atrocious. Poor kids.

Original poster
pumpkinpie01 · 05/03/2019 22:32

I don’t think it will last, they have been together less than 2 years during that time he messaged other women until he got caught out and on another occasion finished with her. She is deluded she honestly thinks she puts her kids first yet she spends no time with them and will holiday without them. She even said it was a choice between finishing with him so he didn’t stay childless or try for a baby ! How is that rational thinking. I love babies but my priority is her kids who feel more let down than usual. I don’t know why she has turned out like this !

OP posts:
pallisers · 05/03/2019 22:34

Perhaps a bit more support and less judging of your sister would be more useful? So, she wants to have a child with her new BF. Why can't you just be happy for her? Her other DC will get used to the idea and will eventually welcome a new sibling. It's just change, but they will manage. Maybe better and quicker if you weren't poisoning them with your own judgey views. A new baby is a wonderful thing to a family, not a selfish act. It sounds like she has a demanding job. Great that she has a committed partner to share the workload of a new baby with. How can you help her?

Why should anyone help her? Do you really and truly think the OP should be helping her adult sister and not her younger niece and nephew? Are you the sister?

and So she wants to have a child with her new BF - as if it was like buying a new handbag or going on a holiday. it does require a bit more thought than "oh that would be nice". Some people are so f-ing irresponsible about their children.

Original poster
pumpkinpie01 · 05/03/2019 22:40

@Contraceptionismyfriend she has 3 by 2 dads (was married to both of them) I don’t judge her for that but I do judge her for moving a bloke in super quick why not just date him , no need to live with him . I will most definitely not be helping out by babysitting no chance . I feel sad that she is pregnant and I’m so annoyed and angry butcseeing my DN sobbing yesterday was awful, she knows now she will have less attention than ever. Last summer she went a whole month without seeing her and didn’t seem bothered. My mum has said she is stupid and she hasn’t told my dad we don’t have any other siblings.

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Original poster
pumpkinpie01 · 05/03/2019 22:52

My grammar was terrible there ! She hasn’t told my dad yet. We don’t have any other siblings. My mum said she is stupid and I certainly will not be babysitting, no chance. She hadn’t thought this through at all but tough , I’m way too angry at her thoughtlessness and selfishness to be helping in any way at all. She actually sent me a text listing her bf’s attributes and didn’t even ask how her kids were ! Unbelievable!

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