Is My Girlfriend Over Reacting?

[stressedinthought]

Hi All,

I would appreciate any thoughts/advice on the below? I know this appears childish and trivial BUT it actually happened...

Had a phone call with my girlfriend after she finished work. She had a good day and was in a good mood.. we were having a nice chat... Until...

She mentioned she was going to a hair appointment to have her hair colored for a party we're going to on the weekend (More blonde). She asked me what I thought about that..

I made a light hearted passing joke that she should get it dyed brunette.. (I've made comments about her dying it brunette before as we used to have a laugh about it as she knew before we got together I liked dark hair on women)

She completely flipped out and took it super personally! Being very aggressive on the phone.. Saying things such as:

1. That's really hurtful why do you always say that when I mention my hair to you (Which I don't by the way)

1. You know i'm never going to change the color, you obviously have a thing for dark haired women... Your EX had brunette hair! am I the right girl for you! (Like what seriously?!)

1. If I'm not what you want physically why are you with me?!

1. She then continued to make sarcastic comments about me changing my appearance such as "You should shave all your hair off because I like the Rock".

Whenever this has come up before we've always joked about it together.. she never seemed to take offence at all. She'd even make comments about me getting my hair dyed blonde...

You get the general gist, she full on took it to heart and completely lashed out on me. I profusely apologized on the phone saying I never meant to upset her and that I was sorry. I said it was only a joke and I didn't realise it got to her that much and I would stop and not say it again.

She's now been giving me the cold shoulder all night.

Is she being a drama queen? Or have I been an ass? This all seems very pathetic and childish to me...

Cheers

Drama queen but if it’s the first Occurrence of this sort of behaviour id let her off.

You've been an ass.

I want to say that she's being ridiculous, but your comment would probably have irritated me too! Although I don't think I would have reacted in quite the same way......

She clearly just wanted you to say "oh that'll look amazing, you will look so beautiful" etc

You've apologised, she's gone over the top. I'm sure it will all blow over. But in future, don't bother making reference to brunettes if she's acutely aware that this is your preferred hair colour on women and she's blonde!

In the context of you previously telling her you liked brunettes, it was a bit of a dick move on your part. You may have intended it as a joke, but given your previous comments it will have come across differently.

Depends how many times you have said it to her- if you do say it every time she mentions her hair then you're out of order, if not she may have just been having a really bad day

Yes, dick move from you. I imagine you've been negging her by drip feeding comments to her about how you are attracted to brunettes, knowing that this will make her feel unattractive to you.

For context - I've literally made 1 comment in the past about her getting brunette hair as a joke... this isn't a recurring thing I do. She always brings up the past "Before we got together you said brunettes were your usual type" Like seriously..... Why would I be with you all this time if I didn't want to or find you attractive! It's also worth noting I'm always complimentary of her and the lovey dovey type.. she is the OPPOSITE.

If I was her it would piss me off. Although I would never ask what my boyfriend thought about something I decided to do with my hair.

Ohhhh OP I could have written this from your gfs pov. Me & OH hav

Yep, you're an ass. You obviously like her blonde so why make a shitty comment?

Damn posted too soon 😂 anyway... me & OH have been together 2 years. & I was not his type at all when we met...we laughed and joked about it a few times... but after a while OP it does wear you down & I made it clear I didn’t want anymore comments to be made. For context he’s the lovey dovey one so doesn’t understand why I don’t feel all that loved by him. (Because no matter how much you try to make someone feel loved, if you undermine it by comparing them to someone else, they’re not going to feel loved) He also resents that he’s the lovey dovey one as I think you do too.

From your post, it seems as though you do actually prefer brunettes, and I'd be pissed at your "joke" too.
But I wouldn't have actually ranted and gone on like that. But, I'm old now.

Maybe needing some reassurance that you find her attractive? All the things you bullet pointed would make it seen that way

Yes she’s being dramatic and giving you the cold shoulder is very childish and pretty destructive behaviour if that’s her usual response to conflict or disagreement. Is it?

Nothing to be gained from jokes about hair colour but she flew off the handle in a very over the top way and unless it’s completely uncharacteristic I’d keep an eye on her dishing out the silent treatment which is not nice or healthy.

It’s not a joke though. You mean it and have mentioned it more than once.

Trying to brush it off as nothing more than, “I find brunettes more of a turn on than I do blonds” is wearing her down.

To say it more than once, or even once at all, isn't great is it? Why did you feel the need to point out that she wasn't your type? Seems mean and unnecessary...

She sounds a bit dramatic but the comments you've made aren't very kind, and if you add a less than nice tone of voice or a particular kind of mocking laugh, that might have really stung.

Maybe you need to be with a calm brunette, and she needs someone a little kinder than you who likes blondes...?

Is your relationship worth the candle

She’s being a twat

She is being a bit dramatic but, as the saying goes, many a truer word said in jest. She is clearly sensitive about it and you shouldn’t have said it.

Which is it, an ongoing ‘joke’ or a once in a blue moon comment? It can’t be both! I suspect you thought you were being funny and she thought you were being a dick and today she stopped pretending that she thought your ‘jokes’ were funny.

Control freak smell. You OP. Not gf.

Oh my gosh. I can see both sides, but she is OTT.

If my OH asks me my preferences about a shirt, or painting, or hair colour, or... I would also be honest.

Now, I would not ask my OH what hair colour to get. She was expecting reassurance, not your real opinion, sorry. And you need to learn women's... language.

And probably reads your comments as critical. I would. As my dm would say "if you haven't got something good to say, say nothing"
Did she ask you blond or brunette? No she didn't, so keep your negative opinions to yourself OP whether you are perfect or not

Joking about someone's appearance? Never a smart move. Particularly when it's about how you don't find that trait attractive.

I do find that the phrase 'only joking' is uttered more by arseholes than nice people.

She's not over the top. You are an asshole.