Man starting new relationship scared off by talk of marriage

[MadameDD]

I'm posting this on behalf of my younger half sister, Lara whom I'm quite close to and she's 36 and single, no DC.

She's been internet dating for a couple of years and has found her net (in terms of available men) has got narrower in the past couple of years so recently has been meeting divorced parents with DC.

She was meeting a man who's a divorced father of 2 DC at the start of them speaking via text they'd been generally speaking and she'd mentioned when he asked about her thoughts on relationships that she'd probably like to get married one day. He didn't say anything about it, like no, he didn't want someone like that etc. She told me she mentioned she was after a serious relationship with the right man and he said he wanted the same. It was just sounding out what they both wanted from a relationship and maybe in the future.

So she had her first date with him last Friday, it was a great evening and then he texted the next morning a brief hi and then he didn't text at all all Saturday and then he texted this morning to her saying "After some reflection time, you want someone to marry, I don't. So I think you would be better off putting time into someone that does". Which is not what she said at all and she texted me afterwards saying, she just wanted to see how things went, no way marriage talk or anything.

Now I've been working at home all day and DH has been off work sick with an ear infection, he's ok but on antibiotics and work told him to take a couple of days off plus he saw GP this morning. Anyway, he was talking to me, asked me about Lara and how things went and I told him what had happened. He said that the man here was 'being ridiculous as Lara was just being honest and he just ran with it and it didn't mean she was planning to marry him'. I agree. DH is also divorced before he met me but no DC.

Lara has been a bit down lately so it seemed to me with meeting numerous unsuitable men and she said this man seemed to be someone she really clicked with.

Anyway, Lara was asking me what she should do and I just said move on. DH seems to think tell her (like she already has) that she's not serious about marriage yet but ultimately if he's being an idiot about this now then he's not worth thinking about!

It's nice when half sisters tell each other everything.

Um what's with all the half sister stuff? It might technically describe the relationship between them but the OP clearly doesn't regard her sister as 'half' anything.

but the OP clearly doesn't regard her sister as 'half' anything.

Yet, she keeps saying it's her half sister, not just sister.

I suspect some pps think it's not half or sister...

I'm starting to think if this is remotely real, then it's about the op and not the mysterious Lara, too much detail really,

And op, cmon, he was now at least four hours in a pub, drank no more than a pint and a half and insinuated he wanted to go back with hers for sex because she had a shot?

Have you got to thr making it up stage?

I think lweji is more on the money here than bluntness. I, too, suspect the OP is 'asking for a friend'.

Lweji and Bluntness

no not making anything up and not asking for a friend. If it was me asking for me I'd be honest and to be quite honest when I was dating I may have made similar mistakes when meeting men, e.g. drinking too much or on one occasion drinking 3 large cappuccinos in a Starbucks and feeling really wired as I rarely drank coffee - only the odd cappuccino but felt odd just asking for tea...

I've given detail as that's what I generally do. Is that a crime?

I've been married for 7 years, have a DD4.5 and currently in early stages of pregnancy. Why would I want dating advice now? As I stated before she's asked me for advice and I asked advice here. I'm also in a job which isn't very interesting (contract).

I call Lara my half sister as that's because she is one.

I think some posters especially if they look at posting history and see a slightly odd or in-depth posting style are all too quick to say someone is making things up. I've been here before under a different username but getting the vibes here from you vipers want to bugger off MN now.

Friends etc come to me for advice, or I offer it, yes it gets indepth. I rarely post about their problems because it's a friend. My sister doesn't give a flying fuck where I post but I did tell her there was a Dating Thread on here. She doesn't want to join MN though and I can see why. A lot of sad old women here obvs who want to pick holes in a story. Will stick to me and DH's advice to her and look on other forums if needed for advice.

I have other half siblings), I have one whole brother too.

Wow.

Your sister wants marriage.
She is right to state this.he was right to politely inform her that he no longer wishes to Have any sort of relationship.

What would she rather? End up like the many many women we see posting on here that their partner of multiple years has only just told them they don't want marriage or children with them and that due to their age it's now not looking good?!

I do think you need to tell her to get a grip.

I suspect some pps think it's not half or sister...

Ah, point taken.

NotTheFordType

The reason I state I have other half siblings as well as a whole brother is because a few years back I fell out with and now rarely speak to Lara's older sister. I'm not going to say how many half siblings I have in total but no, they're not the same relationship I have with my whole brother.

My DM has 3 half sisters from her DM's and DF's different marriages - she refers to them loosely as 'sisters' but after a fall out with her one of her BIL she told me recently she considers the relationship with that sister to be not as close and referred to her to me as 'half'.

Contraceptionismyfriend - agreed - my 'sister' is right to state she wants marriage but me, personally, I don't think you should bring this up on a first date but chatting on a dating site if someone asks before, why not? But she wouldn't push the point home I don't think, if any man she met didn't want marriage. She would move on, which she has done.

SoThisHappened think what you like.

I note from being here before that it's the usual 'mean girl clique' here who come out in droves and that's why I stayed off AIBU before etc.

Haven't any of you got any sort of lives at all rather than to think someone is lying?

SoThisHappened think what you like.

Um, I have been supportive of you on here. I was simply responding to someone else saying I understood what they meant.

I offered no judgement

Dear god.
Nobody cares how many siblings you have or how many times your father married or how close you are to your sisters.
In fact, the more useless information you give the more you seem to be lying. As there was no need to keep saying she is your half sister.

Pps here can give advice whether she's your half sister, full sister, friend or yourself.

You've been given good and useful advice that you can pass on to whoever or not.

In any case, the best advice is always to be herself and be clear about what she wants from dating. The man for her won't be put off.

Lweji if no one cares about my family situation and if my family are the Waltons or not then why are they (including you) trying to call me out as a liar/troll etc?

And like I said, I've passed her the information.

a final bit of info - if I'm in the office or somewhere where they don't know about my family (my friends do know some of the family dynamics as they've met some siblings) then I do refer to e.g. Lara as my half sister - e.g. - I'm meeting Lara, my half sister, for tea this weekend. In fact, speaking to a colleague today, someone mentioned, I'm meeting X, my brother, this weekend. Hence why I mentioned her as this on this thread.

if no one cares about my family situation and if my family are the Waltons or not then why are they (including you) trying to call me out as a liar/troll etc?

Odd reasoning there. But it's you trying to give too much information (that nobody asked about) that raises suspicions of being a lie.

You really didn't or don't need to keep saying she's "Lara, my half sister".

Very odd thread anyway.

I guess it depends on if she really truly doesn't care about marriage or babies.

She doesn't have a lot of time to umm and
Arr.

Her fertility has a time scale and it's running out.
So she could hold back the info. Meet a guy and wait and see. But she may not have the chance.

If she is looking for a family man she needs to know ASAP.

I just don't think this man was in the wrong at all.

I think it's best to be upfront when OLD. In your 30's and wanting marriage and babies, say so on your profile. Unfortunately for us women, times does run out when it comes to starting a family, and if you date men without knowing whether a family is something they aspire to, then you're just wasting your time and theirs.

sorry, what's this woman's name and relationship to you again op, it's not clear

😂😂😂

I think your half sister Lara should work on being a little less intense and certainly less emotionally invested in people so soon as to be distraught after one date going nowhere.

I'd run as fast as my legs would carry me from someone who told me on a first date that their goal is marriage, and equally as fast from someone doing shots on a first date.

I'm just doing some 'work' for tomorrow - so back to MN.

WelcomeToShootingStars - my sister has actually gone away for the weekend to Bath with some girlfriends but has told me before she went that she's sworn off internet dating for now.

I agree she should be less intense and not lay her cards on the table ASAP. She has told me that with some internet dating sites they do ask pertinent questions around if people want DC, marriage etc which is interesting... and she's totally honest re answering these - so you can see from the start if you see what I mean what you want from a relationship.