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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you break up with your partner if they got fat?

87 replies

settings · 25/02/2019 00:21

Keeping fit is important to me, as is eating healthily.
When I met my dp he was a runner and pretty in shape.

Since dating for two years, he eats more and more junk food and has piled the pounds on. He's not fat but you can tell he has a slightly rounded belly when his top is off.

For me getting intimate is not so nice now. Physical shape is a huge attraction for me

OP posts:
Ragnarhairybreetches · 25/02/2019 06:45

I once did. He put weight on and I went off him, however it was more the me coming home from a full work day to find the house still in darkness and him in his pyjamas playing video games rather than the lard that made him unattractive. He also began smoking again and the sex was dull, dull, dull.
However me and DH are different, I have put on, and taken off, 4 stone throughout our marriage, I have the caesarian belly over hang, I'm grey and ache. He's never made me feel bad. He is grey, going bald, wrinkly faced and is getting a small biscuit belly. I still adore him.
I think if a small belly puts you off a partner of 2 years it's probably best to call it quits, it's not a lasting relationship!

Elodiesflower · 25/02/2019 06:47

This happened with ex DH (not why he is an ex)

I wouldn’t have split up with him for it but I did feel really sad and disappointed in him. He just stopped being sexual attractive to me and I felt depressed that this was who I was going to have sex with for the rest of my life. I obviously never said a word to him.

booboo24 · 25/02/2019 06:53

No not at all because I'd still love him. However, the physical side would naturally drop off I think!

NicoAndTheNiners · 25/02/2019 06:53

You do realise you probably won't be in as good a shape as you are now for ever? Pregnancy, middle age, etc will change your body. How would you like it if he left you due to that?

ComtesseDeSpair · 25/02/2019 06:54

I would leave a partner if I no longer found them sexually attractive and sex was lacking as a result. I’d not want to remain in a sexless relationship. If their weight gain and refusal to address this was at the root of this then I suppose I’d technically be leaving “because they got fat”, but it’s more nuanced than that. Maybe it would be surmountable, maybe it wouldn’t.

BookCzar · 25/02/2019 06:55

If you are contemplating leaving your partner of two years because his belly is getting a bit round, by all means - just do it, since you obviously don't love him anyway.
I find it sad, really.

SinkGirl · 25/02/2019 06:57

Slightly rounded belly? You’re thinking of ending a relationship for this? I’m really hoping it’s a terrible relationship and you’re looking for a way out as I’m struggling to believe anyone could be that shallow.

abcriskringle · 25/02/2019 07:02

Nope. Sounds very shallow and you obviously don't love him.

LoubyLou1234 · 25/02/2019 07:02

Having a slightly rounder belly is very different to putting several stones on....
People's bodies change as we age, surely if you love someone you accept that too. It will happen to you too in some shape or form.

notangelinajolie · 25/02/2019 07:05

I really hope that you are not as perfect as you think you are and that one day someone will come along and do the same to you. The best thing you can do for this poor man is to put him out of his misery and let him find someone who actually does love him.

earlyrisingcat · 25/02/2019 07:09

@HulksPurplePanties

I'd break up with him now OP, because it won't get better. You will BOTH age, change, go through periods of sickness, health and stress that will affect waist lines and activity. If a mild weight gain is bothering you this much now, what will you do when he's 65 and needs his knees replaced and can't run anymore?

Or what will he do if you have children, have an emergency section, and have that annoying over hang, or if you put on a little bit of weight in the run up to menopause and after, or when things naturally start to sag?

Dump him and have a good long look at yourself in the mirror.

All of this. ^

@settings

You need to cut him loose now, as you obviously don't love him. No WAY would I end my relationship because my partner got a bit portly. I know we are all entitled to say we struggle to find a partner more attractive if they got fat, but to dump them? That's horrible actually. Sad

You do know YOUR body will change when you have kids right? You may even end up with a portly little belly. And your boobs will sag a bit too. Imagine the man you're with (and who you thought loved you,) saying 'eww, you're gross, I want to end it coz your body ain't as pretty as it was when I met you ?!' Hmm

Thisisawelltroddenpath · 25/02/2019 07:10

Presumably you would be happy to be left if you couldn’t exercise and it made you put on weight? Personally love is more than skin deep

Groovee · 25/02/2019 07:10

No, as he's always been overweight. I'm glad he never dumped me when I gained a lot of weight. I've lost it now and he often tells me how amazed he is at my hard work. Having a chronic health condition has been hard enough on us both.

He has a lot more going for him than his looks, and physically!

Fairylea · 25/02/2019 07:16

Are you very young op? You sound like you are.

Dh and I have been together for a long time. We’ve been through a lot of things - me nearly dying when having our son (undiagnosed placenta previa), dh developing very severe depression and losing 4 jobs, me developing a life threatening life long illness that means I need to take steroids for the rest of my life (Addison’s disease- the steroids do make me put on weight), difficult family circumstances, son being diagnosed with severe autism etc , my mum being terminally ill etc etc. When you go through things like this a bit of weight becomes a non issue. Yes if my dh or I became very, very obese I’d want to tackle that from a health point of view because I’d want us to be around as long as possible but I wouldn’t love him any less.

Dh is losing his hair, I am 2 stone heavier than I was, we’re still the same people. I still really fancy him! True love does exist, corny but true. If you don’t love him with a bit of a belly he isn’t the one for you.

EvaHarknessRose · 25/02/2019 07:59

You can end it for any reason you like.

NameChangeNugget · 25/02/2019 08:06

You can end any relationship, for whatever reason you want OP.

A man who’s changed like that, would be reason enough for many.

Parsleyisntfood · 25/02/2019 08:10

It’s heartening to read all these replies. Me and DH have bounced up and down weight wise since we got together. It’s always been a symptom though and never been something worth breaking up over.

I do wonder when people say this if they would say the same if someone had an acceident or illness and became unattractive to them. I’m guessing it’s the self inflicted nature of weight that’s the issue.

CherryPavlova · 25/02/2019 08:10

I would think he should leave you before it’s too late. You don’t seem to understand committed relationships are about more than six packs.
Leave him and do him a favour.

Loopytiles · 25/02/2019 08:14

End the relationship for any reason you like!

AFistfulofDolores1 · 25/02/2019 08:26

Yes, I could see certain situations where I would.

YellowBilledLoon · 25/02/2019 08:27

No way!

Ringdonna · 25/02/2019 08:33

No, but I wouldn’t find them as physically attractive as I prefer slim people.

SinkGirl · 25/02/2019 08:40

A man who’s changed like that, would be reason enough for many.

Like what, has a rounded belly? Thankfully it’s not reason enough for too many, otherwise pretty much every woman who has a baby, has PCOS, has a thyroid issue, takes hormonal contraception or anything else affecting their weight would be dumped.

Of all the things that would convince me to leave my DH, thankfully a rounded belly isn’t one of them - we have been together 13 years, heading for 40 and we are both rounder and saggier than we once were (me especially after carrying our twins and having them cut out of me - my stomach will never be the same and I don’t think my thighs will be either).

WinterWife · 25/02/2019 08:57

No. My husband now has a 'dad-bod' and I've never fancied him as much as I do now.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 25/02/2019 09:01

Take my advice and don’t have kids OP.

In answer to your question, if we were childless and my OH actually got fat (not a tiny bit podgy) then I would weigh up the consequences of the health problems against everything else and make a decision on that basis.

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