Just gave birth to first baby and Married to husband who doesn’t stand up for you to his Mother.

[Mummmy007]

Hi Everyone,

So just given birth about 5 weeks ago to first baby. I really made it clear to everyone that I do not want anything posted on social media about the birth of our son, until I was ready to do so. (I said this right before he was born).
Fast forward

The baby is now born and two weeks later, I decided “right now I’m ready to announce the birth of our baby boy” as my family all live abroad now that’s how I was going to let them know.
Log on to Facebook only to realise that my Mother in Law announced the birth or our baby boy on Facebook on the day that he was born. So my family told me the saw the announcement on Facebook some weren’t that happy about how they came to find out about it. I was really upset since I wanted to be the one to announce the birth of our first child. I thought it was very rude and inconsiderate of her to post it without permission.

Anyways, I complained to my husband about it since it’s his mother. I asked him to let her know that i did not want anything posted (she knew that I asked specifically not to but still did it).
When it comes to telling his mother anything he tends to beat around the bush and not say what the actual problem is. I wanted her to know that it was not okay to post it. Of course he did not tell her that instead, he said “I see a status was updated...” ( via text of course) then he went on to say that some of my family wasn’t happy finding out second hand on Facebook with which she responded “ oh well, tough I was just excited..”

He did not remind her of what I said or that I was unhappy about it. And now just want me to forget about it. So he chickened out. Also his mother became passive aggressive when I said I will be the one to give him his first bath. It’s like once I had the baby every one automatically thinks I want to just give him up for someone else to look after! I hadn’t even bonded with my baby properly yet. I just wanted everyone to just leave me alone with my baby. It was a traumatic experience giving birth and I want to forget all about it.
I do not trust my mother in law with looking after my baby or anyone since I was a victim of rape as a child via family member. I do not want the same thing to happen to my baby. Do not yet trust any one but my mother at the moment.

Mother in law and sister in law is being very forceful and my husband doesn’t stand up for me at all. Instead he gets defensive and turn it on me instead. It’s so frustrating it doesn’t help that I’m alone in this country my family are abroad. Can’t count on my husband to take my side.

Why are men mummy’s boys when they respect their mothers and listen to their opinions but it’s fine for women to do similar with their mums?

@Noname99 Just to be clear, my husband and I agreed on when we should post it on social media. BEFORE the baby arrived. So ain’t no body trying to be controlling here... we both agreed. As it’s kind of a big deal being our first child.

That's fine poppy, don't compromise. Unfortunately compromising, within reason, is what many people do to make life easier. Clearly, not everyone is as understanding and mature as you are.

I'm mature and understanding enough to know that when my DIL and DS have a baby, I'm not the parent, and that what they say goes in respect of their children and how they choose to raise them. That will make their life easier and mine.

@LaughingCow99

It is new. This is the first time this has happened. When I asked him to speak to his mum
About it, he beat around the bush instead. He didn’t address the problem. Instead the mother I law responded “oh well tough .. I was excited and couldn’t help it” (she decided to disrespect what was asked of her for selfish reasons)

I hear you popping, but this mil isn't you. Not everyone is going to act like you, as this case shows.

The son is not going to go against his mother, that's pretty clear. If the op keeps expecting him to, it's only going to create further friction and resentment.

To be honest, believing your husband is a coward doesn't bode well for the future.

It wasn't her news to share, whether ot was on SM or IRL doesn't make any difference.

Your initial post is confusing, op.

When it comes to telling his mother anything he tends to beat around the bush and not say what the actual problem is

This implies that it's an ongoing issue with him, i.e. he doesn't confront her, spell out the issue. Why did you think he would tell her off then for not sticking to both of your wishes?

Did he tell you that she said "oh well, tough..."

Because if she did say that, then it sounds like he did broach the subject with her...

That is not reflected in your OP, there is not a single “we” - it is only “I”. Was your husband also involved in the decision that only your mother can look after his baby? You sound incredibly controlling but anyhow, you clearly are a poster who only wants to hear what an awful person your MiL is and bash your husband too. You’ll find plenty on here to do that.

My mil has been on at me to let her babysit since my little one was born , he's turning one soon and she still hasn't and I can honestly say she never will , I have no trust in her and she's a pretty vile person!

Stay strong , stand up for yourself and your baby , never stress about upsetting people or making them angry , only you and that baby matter !

@Noname99

Wow I have no idea what your problem is. I didn’t come here to bash my husband or his mother. I came here to get advice on what to do or say by mother’s who may have been through similar situations. Not to have someone like you tell be I’m controlling and what not. If you have nothing positive to contribute on helping the situation then this thread is probably not for you. I didn’t come here for you to bash me. I do not have to use “we” here my husband is not present here. (Thought that was pretty obvious).
You just seem to be picking at little things that isn’t really helping the situation at hand. Of course you are entitled to your own opinion but I am asking for the opinion on how to help deal with this situation not on the grammar I use or if you think I’m controlling.

@LaughingCow99

The issue is ongoing since baby has been born so it’s only been 5 weeks.
This has never transpired before. We have never had this problem before...

He only told her that he’s noticed she updated her status. He did not remind her that she agreed with us that she was not going to upload anything on social media. He also then added that my aunties didn’t like the way they found out (via her status) as it was my news to announce and not hers.
She didn’t care judging from her response.

@PetuniaPetunia
This is what I said to my husband. But it seems that I wil have to speak to her myself as I cannot now expect support.

If you have nothing positive to contribute on helping the situation then this thread is probably not for you.

Another person who may only post what you want when you want?

I wonder if your DH thinks you are being massively unfair about his child to his mother. Maybe he tells you what you want to hear and nods along in the right places, but completely agrees with his Mum?

Ok, so when you said he skirts around issues with his mum, it's only been since the baby was born. That isn't clear in your post. It sounds like you wanted him to be way more hard ball with her. If that's the case, nothing was stopping you saying your piece.

@MrsMcW

I wanted to avoid the conflict with his Mother. But seems as though I will have to take matters into my own hands.
This has put a strain on our relationship for the last 5 weeks, I feel as though Our son an I take second place when it comes to his mother.
Thank you for your advice.

@Haffiana
I am not sure maybe he does. But you are more than welcomed to ask him yourself.

Of course you are entitled to your own opinion but I am asking for the opinion on how to help deal with this situation not on the grammar I use or if you think I’m controlling

Not controlling other than telling people they can’t post on your thread

I don’t think grammar is relevant. It is relevant whether the decisions which you’re talking about were made jointly or not, and when you say “I” a lot people will think they weren’t joint, which puts a different spin on your husband’s behaviour. I find it hard to believe that he can agree with you but not respond to the “tough...” text. That would concern me a lot.

@LaughingCow99

I really just wanted to avoid conflict and having him approach his mother about would have kept the peace. If my husband had the same issue but with my mother then I wouldn’t expect him to confront my mum. I would do that instead for the sake of peace. All the rules or boundaries we had set in place before the birth, it appears as though only one of us is holding our end of the bargain.

@Namechangeforthiscancershit

I find it hard to believe that he can agree with you but not respond to the “tough...” text. That would concern me a lot.

• that’s exactly what I found shocking to and highly frustrating. The fact that he did not respond to what she said. I thought it was rude and inconsiderate. But what do I know...

But he did confront her. He just didn't tell her off the way you wanted him to.

If you wanted her to be read the riot act a particular way, you should have done it yourself.

You got him to go it because you wanted to avoid the drama. There was nothing stopping you saying how upset you were. Because clearly this is more your issue, you are the hurt one, not him.

You waited 2 week's before telling your own family? That is fucked up

@Studentnurse1981

Please read the post which clarifies before judging. I was on a social media fast during that period, trying to recover from a traumatic birth. I was still in hospital during that time period. My parents however and brothers and sisters were informed. The extended family and friends were not until I was discharged.

Why’s it all
My my my baby
Not our baby?

Might go a long way to explaining a lot.

Get off here. Get off social media. Bond as a family. Be happy in life.

My news to announce
My baby

Christ you sound unhinged