Because it's easier to do it all my fucking self

[SecretH]

Posted several times on MN about the load at home. Many posters said I am too controlling, I don't let DH do anything... it's all my fault. Yada yada.

Well, after around 18 months of "lightening" my load and expecting DH to do more, tge verdict is simple. It makes my load a whole lot lighter to do it all my fucking self.

So DH has been responsible for putting away the washed/dried clothes now and I've just opened the wardrobes to find piles of clothes hidden at the bottom that he can't be arsed to hang up. The wardrobes used to be lovely and tidy now they're like jumble sales.

"Get him to clear it all out then!" I hear you yell. Yes. When? Because this is going yo take hours to sort which means me entertaining the kids alone again whilst he spends 2 hours tidying shit up that should be tidy in the first place.

Infact,it's easier to do the lot myself. Fed up of blocked up sinks of food since he's been doing the washing up, creased up clothes since he's been piling clothes up for days, even a week that need putting away. The lack of toiletries from the food shop because he only thinks to buy food and fuck all else.

"Send him to the shops again!" I HEAR YOU SAY. Great. Yes. So I'll have to entertain the kids alone again whilst hw recitifes yet another mistake. Infact he could waste away an entire weekend rectifying mistakes.

So before you blame controlling women for making rods for their own backs and "creating" lazy husbands... bloody think.

Tbh it loads easier just looking after yourself and kids, without a giant entitled manchild making even more work

Isn't this a trick men use to avoid chores? Do it really poorly, and you'll never be asked to do it again ...

So, what? Now it's MN's fault??

I hear you OP, I really, really do.

This sounds infuriating, I'd be angry and exasperated too. I hope he supports and loves you in other, equally needed and useful ways instead, otherwise what's the point of staying with him?
(Really, genuinely not a ltb comment, just hope for you that he is pulling his weight in other places at least!)

He does sound pretty useless. I would stop buying him toiletries though

I'm sorry you married a loser.

You are angry at the wrong thing here, OP. He's a waste of time and acts like a teenager. We're pointing it out.

My H was like the and I threw him out.

He does sound extremely lazy, as though he thinks it's your job so he can't be bothered to do anything above minimum effort.

I have found the exact same thing and I am royally pissed off. DH is supposed to be in charge of the kitchen while I do everything else. What that seems to entail is filling and emptying the dishwasher and moving things off of the sides. No cupboards wiped down, sink is blocked, sink is dirty, surfaces are dirty, floor is dirty, blinds are dirty, spillages in cupboards remain there, cupboards are a jumble, hob is dirty, oven is dirty. It is honestly contributing to my desire to leave, no grown adult should be that incompetent.

I would rather do everything myself as a single parent than live with someone who should be doing their fair share of the housework but does, and the bit they do is cocked up. The simmering resentment takes a lot of energy, being alone would get rid of that, plus I would have loads of free time when he sees the children.

Well i don't think he will put up much resistance so its return to a return to SNAFU.

At least get the weekly shop delivered.

You sound really unhappy. Is it worth considering leaving him? Resentment tends to only get worse over time.

I feel your pain.

Well do it all yourself then. Just don't complain that you do it all.

Do it yourself

And work out what he brings to the table

If not so much , get rid of the lazy arsed man child

Why not lighten the load like this: ditch the manchild.

Less washing, less cooking, less shopping, less cleaning, less resentment, more child-free time (assuming he can bothered to see his children if you separate)?

It’s taken 12 months for DH to do the washing properly
Sort out darks and whites
Remember priority for PE kits work wear
Sort ironing from no ironing
Fold and put away
He’s progressed to socks
Little by little

Keep at it

Why did you marry such a useless specimin?

It’s the oldest trick in the book. Do it badly so you don’t get asked to keep doing it.

At least he has not put literal shit covered wipes on the kitchen windowsill. I cannot believe it, and he's cross I told him he needs to disinfect it! FFS.

💐🍰☕️

You should know by now it’s always the woman’s fault.
🙄

You can’t make a grown adult do things or take responsibility. You just can’t. They’re either willing to do their share and be responsible or they’re not 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t be pissing about training a man to do the washing, or whatever. They’re grown adults taking the piss. Sure, we all have strengths & weaknesses and it’s fine to play to those, but it’s NOT fine to have NO strengths domestically because you have a penis.

As far as I’m concerned, any man unable or unwilling to function as an actual adult, with high standards (to match mine) goes. I’m not prepared to be Mummy or housemaid for them. No way. It’s not cute, it’s not funny and it sure as hell is not sexy.

Get rid of the twat. Your life will be MUCH nicer without him in it.

I feel for you and I think a lot of women are in the same boat. If it’s eating you up that much maybe the marriage is over?

Personally I couldn’t have any kind of sex life with a person like that.

Your frustration is almost tangible OP. It is, like you say, easier to just do it yourself but it shouldn't be... 💐☕🍷

How about he goes back to the shops or tidies the wardrobe when it would otherwise be his free time, NOT when childcare needs doing?