Because it's easier to do it all my fucking self

[SecretH]

Posted several times on MN about the load at home. Many posters said I am too controlling, I don't let DH do anything... it's all my fault. Yada yada.

Well, after around 18 months of "lightening" my load and expecting DH to do more, tge verdict is simple. It makes my load a whole lot lighter to do it all my fucking self.

So DH has been responsible for putting away the washed/dried clothes now and I've just opened the wardrobes to find piles of clothes hidden at the bottom that he can't be arsed to hang up. The wardrobes used to be lovely and tidy now they're like jumble sales.

"Get him to clear it all out then!" I hear you yell. Yes. When? Because this is going yo take hours to sort which means me entertaining the kids alone again whilst he spends 2 hours tidying shit up that should be tidy in the first place.

Infact,it's easier to do the lot myself. Fed up of blocked up sinks of food since he's been doing the washing up, creased up clothes since he's been piling clothes up for days, even a week that need putting away. The lack of toiletries from the food shop because he only thinks to buy food and fuck all else.

"Send him to the shops again!" I HEAR YOU SAY. Great. Yes. So I'll have to entertain the kids alone again whilst hw recitifes yet another mistake. Infact he could waste away an entire weekend rectifying mistakes.

So before you blame controlling women for making rods for their own backs and "creating" lazy husbands... bloody think.

The problem is that he can't get into their rooms to sort out their jumble sale wardrobes when they are sleeping.

They are 100% doing it on purpose. Don't put up with it.
If they acted like that on their jobs, they would have been sacked long ago.

Tell him to fix the damn messes he's made. He needs to figure out when and how to do it all by himself. Tell him to start adulting and figure it out and you shouldn't have to check his damn work like he's a child. Remember he is doing it on purpose so you'll do it and he doesn't have to.

You're bewildered at those women...do you get that your dh really isn't that much better?

You're tolerating poor behaviour too

I hear you op. I was in hospital recently for an op. Dh supposedly helped with the washing during that time. It took me and my sister 3 hrs to sort out the laundry room after I got back (me sitting on a chair with a grabber stick) because he had trashed it so much. There were wet towels going mouldy on the floor fhs. .

This is a highly intelligent competent man with an extremely demanding and responsible job. He is a very hands on father. He works very hard and does a lot of food shopping and cooking. Always willing to drive off on an errand for anyone. Doesn't really take any time out for himself. But he constantly trashes the kitchen, leaves clutter on any and every horizontal surface, never buys toiletries (funny that seems to be a universal trait!) doesn't seem able to plan more than 3 hrs ahead when food shopping or cooking) and leaves a trail of shoes, jumpers, keys, papers, cables and chargers behind him wherever he goes.

Dh also moans when it comes to seeing friends that we see “my” friends (who he admittedly does get on with) more than “his”. To rectify this he suggested getting people round a while ago for dinner/late Sunday lunch. Great idea. So I said go for it and that I’d leave him to organise it

He decided what he was cooking did shopping etc. Then on the morning he asked me what time everyone was arriving. I had no idea because I hadn’t invite them. And apparently neither had he. Apparently me saying “ok sounds great you sort it out” meant he would do the food and I’d do everything else. Including getting in touch with his mates and making sure they could come.

That said. Ds has been crying whinging since 4. Dh got up with him and is currently in the spare room with him. Reading books.

If their habits / standards caused a colleague to end up shouldering the lions share of the work, then redoing their work time after time and the colleague expressed their increased, frustration, exhaustion, stress and anger over years and years....

This wouldn’t happen would it. There would be significant and obvious consequences. I am sure your DH does not behave like this with colleagues - because he respects them and wants to keep his job. Why can’t he show the same respect at home.

It’s less of the task but more that it leaves you ground down, exasperated and unhappy - and he is comfortable to leave you in that state - when a bit of focus could reverse this for you.

Does he see you as a team in an equal partnership raising DCs together - or is he a reluctant participant, doing the easy stuff and huffing through the rest?