Wants to see my body before we sleep together

[Floopyandtired]

I’ve been chatting to a new man for a few weeks. He’s 5 years younger than me and neither of us is looking for anything serious. Just a fwb situation if I’m honest. We’ve met up for coffee a couple of times and get on so well. Not kissed or anything yet. Last night we were messaging over WhatsApp and I mentioned how obviously my body, particularly my stomach, wasn’t what it used to be since having DC.

We then had the following convo:
Him: I think you’d have to let me see your stomach. Just to get it out my system.
Me: Pardon?
Him: I think I’d be distracted by it. Do you know what I mean? I’ve never seen anything like that before.
Me: No, I don’t know what you mean.
Him: I’d need to look at it and move on.

I told him politely that I am not my body is not a freak show, I’m just a woman who’s had a baby, and that I don’t think it’s going to work out but all the best. He was very apologetic and said he didn’t mean to offend, he’s just had no experience of being with a women who’s had a baby.

I’m torn over whether to put it down to immaturity on his part and move on as we really get on well, or stick to my guns and no longer continue the friendship.

[Scabetty]

Offer to put a bedsheet over you and cut a ‘small hole’ for his winky to avoid PTSD.

[Shoxfordian]

Ask for a picture of his cock then say sorry its too small

[namechangedbutneedadvice]

OMG bin him! Bin him! BIN HIM! Even if a FWB situation suits you, you want it to be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Surely you'd never be able to truly relax and enjoy yourself? You're worth so much more and he should know that such questions won't make him a good lover.

[Omgineedanamechange]

WTAF, and yes to asking for a pic of his erect cock to make sure he measures up.

[HeddaGarbled]

Clearly he’s not worth wasting your time on. It was a bit of an odd thing for you to say, though. Like getting your own negging in before he did. How were you expecting him to respond?

[Musti]

Good grief. It's not like you said you had a third arm. Please ask him to send a picture of his cock so you can prepare yourself as all your exes have been super well endowed. Then if he sends it, reply that as you feared you wouldn't be able to do much with such a small cock.

[ScorpiaForCatra]

Shallow sexist arsehead...

I wouldn't want to sleep with a shallow sexist arsehead, would anyone really?

[Ruru8thestars]

Not worth your time - get rid

[cakecakecheese]

Why on earth did you tell him that? You should never apologise for your body!

You probably need to find someone more mature but also you need to work on your body confidence a bit.

[Dirtybadger]

Additionally in future I wouldn't speak negatively about your body to potential new partners or FWB. Most people are nice but some people aren't, and can and will systematically use your insecurities subtly to undermine the confidence you do have.

[Beansandcoffee]

In future do not talk about your body on a date or in texts. It isn’t necessary.

[HopeIsNotAStrategy]

For goodness sake OP, in the nicest possible way, raise your standards and get rid.

And don’t EVER send anybody naked pics, EVER, unless you’d be happy with them being shared with a wider audience.

It’s a bloody jungle out there nowadays.

[YouCantTourniquetTheTaint]

Yrah he can get in the sea.

[AuntMarch]

Absolutely no chance he'd ever be seeing any of me in person or otherwise now.

[Cookmysock1]

The only acceptable response to that is the middle finger and laughing emoji followed by blocking his sorry arse
Never apologise for your body , never !
How dare the inadequate scrote ask for a pic of it, was he going to send one of his porn star cock and six pack so you could check he was enough for you?,
I'm furious, get some boundaries and tell him to go fuck himself as he certainly won't be fucking you

[Floopyandtired]

Wow I wasn’t expecting such a big response. Thanks all. Genuinely appreciate all the comments.

For context I wasn’t rambling on and on about my body insecurities, it’s actually taken me a lot to accept my c section overhang and learn to love my new body. It was just a passing comment made in a jokey way and straight away he said what he did, which made me think it’s something he’d already thought about.

Anyway needless to say I’ve blocked him

[lubeybooby]

urgh... immature

but also OP this is not something you need to mention on a date! Get into the habit of not pointing out your perceived flaws

a mentally mature guy will not care a jot and likely will have his own insecurities

I have more stretchmarks than anyone else I know and a stretched mum tum.. it's a total non issue

[lubeybooby]

and now that looks like I'm calling you immature - I meant him obviously!

well done with the blocking

[Lucia1234]

How would he feel if you asked to see his dick? Delete his number immediately!

[RedFeltHeart]

OP, I did online dating once and was chatting to a man who asked for my measurements before we met.

I told him no chance and he came back and told me that it was no wonder I was single and resorting to online dating and that women like me needed to get over themselves.

I just blocked him.

I didn't consider for even a second either telling him or making excuses for him.

Glad you've blocked him!!

[supersop60]

Well done OP. Lucky escape,

[cstaff]

@suebnm I'm in no way in the market for a relationship but I am bitchy and would ask to see his erect cock to see if he measures up.

I love it - sounds about right though grin

[Bananalanacake]

I shave my legs about once every 6 months. Wonder what he'd think to that.

[RedFeltHeart]

Also, OP, genuine people will see the whole person. You've heard the expression "the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts"? Right?

About 6 years ago, I met a very attractive man. The sort of man who I looked at and couldn't find my words! He was very good looking - to me.

But he was riddled with insecurities and, as we got to know each other, revealed them all, one by one. Each time, they were something I hadn't really noticed and certainly didn't find off putting! But by the time he had finished, the overall impression of "wow, he is gorgeous" had been replaced by him as a collection of flaws and imperfections.

I vowed on that day to never speak critically of my body ever again. And I haven't. That doesn't mean that other people are oblivious to them but everyone has 'imperfections' and once you draw attention to them, you've effectively stuck a big flag on them and they become infinitely more noticeable.

Don't do it again!!

[pictish]

Glad you blocked him. I don’t think that being young or not having kids is anything to do with this conversation. He’s just a shallow idiot. I couldn’t go into any sexual scenario feeling scrutinised for imperfections.

“I think you’d have to let me see your stomach.”
No I don’t. Now fuck off.