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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Wants to see my body before we sleep together

90 replies

Floopyandtired · 20/02/2019 08:38

I’ve been chatting to a new man for a few weeks. He’s 5 years younger than me and neither of us is looking for anything serious. Just a fwb situation if I’m honest. We’ve met up for coffee a couple of times and get on so well. Not kissed or anything yet. Last night we were messaging over WhatsApp and I mentioned how obviously my body, particularly my stomach, wasn’t what it used to be since having DC.

We then had the following convo:
Him: I think you’d have to let me see your stomach. Just to get it out my system.
Me: Pardon?
Him: I think I’d be distracted by it. Do you know what I mean? I’ve never seen anything like that before.
Me: No, I don’t know what you mean.
Him: I’d need to look at it and move on.

I told him politely that I am not my body is not a freak show, I’m just a woman who’s had a baby, and that I don’t think it’s going to work out but all the best. He was very apologetic and said he didn’t mean to offend, he’s just had no experience of being with a women who’s had a baby.

I’m torn over whether to put it down to immaturity on his part and move on as we really get on well, or stick to my guns and no longer continue the friendship.

OP posts:

Report

Dieu · 22/02/2019 14:18

This is awful! What a dick!

Ginny008 · 22/02/2019 12:14

Redfeltheart what happened with the guy re all the self confessed "flaws"?

HoustonBess · 22/02/2019 10:07

He's done you a massive favour. He'd have been a shit shag and you would have felt crap after.

Never even contemplate letting someone treat you like that! The only acceptable attitude in a sexual partner is: you are a goddess, let me adore you. Anything short of that is not worth bothering with.

Sheelala · 22/02/2019 10:02

He sounds about 15. Not sure why you were discussing bits of your body with him though. Sounds like maybe fishing for compliments that backfired.

Obviously do not have sex with this man.

ZenNudist · 22/02/2019 07:18

Well done teach him a lesson insensitivity.

Please don't start warning people off your prospective faults in the future. Men don't moan about their saggy arses or their chicken thighs, pimply or hairy backs or their less than satisfying ... ahem... members.

Out of interest was he some kind of Adonis at least in clothes?

Lozzerbmc · 22/02/2019 07:17

Well done he was an idiot!

StarlightLady · 22/02/2019 07:11

Next please! This is akin to a pre sex interview. You don’t need it! And what is he going to do with the picture?

If you are looking for a friend for sex (and there’s nothing wrong in that!), find someone who is pleasant.

Be proud of your body and enjoy who you share it with.

With Mr Next, no more tummy talk in advance. Just enjoy the knickers down bit. Good luck. x

HoppingPavlova · 22/02/2019 04:03

Unless he was 15yo I would bin him, what a dick.

Also, if he is 15yo I would bin him as that’s all sorts of wrong .

HomeTheatreSystem · 22/02/2019 03:31

So he's trying to say he's never been to the beach or swimming pool and seen the tummy of a mother, which frankly won't look any different to all the other various shapes and sizes of tummies out there?? I am sure he has many good points which is why you're talking to him, but he's also infantile and sounds a complete turn off.

Ravenclawclassof84 · 20/02/2019 19:56

Good God no, how immature is this man?

PotteryGirl · 20/02/2019 18:57

He doesn't deserve to see your body...Respect yourself....

SevenStones · 20/02/2019 18:53

What a twat he sounds.

user1479305498 · 20/02/2019 18:23

If anyone hasn't watched Naked Attraction,can I just say at 3 stone overweight, I still felt relatively attractive compared to some of the ladies on there who didn't seem to have any hang ups . Many years ago when I was single but 'phone dating' was in, just prior to the Internet , one guy asked me my measurements, hair length, what I was wearing etcfelt like an audition just to even go for a coffee i cant believe I actually met him (bear in mind no pictures at that time) and he was quite exceptionally ordinary and certainly wouldn't have passed my audition if I had seen a picture. Don't put up with this kind of shit OP

Bobaboutwhat · 20/02/2019 17:53

So he wants to know if you’re good enough for him after he has inspected the rare phenomenon that is a ...gulp...woman’s post baby belly - he sounds like a decent and intelligent kind of guy, you should keep him...if you pass inspection of course

tattooq · 20/02/2019 10:36

You've had a lucky escape OP, he is clearly a total dickhead.

NotANotMan · 20/02/2019 10:34

Mate
You don't need this shit in your life. I've shagged lots of men since having a baby and I have a 3 stone overweight horrible flabby belly overhang and literally none of them have paid it the slightest attention, other than a couple who were actively positive about it!

MiceSqueakCatsMeow · 20/02/2019 10:34

I'd be tempted to tell him if he's so worried about the stomach, that the vag was ripped to shreds having the dcs. Just for his reaction.
Bin him. What a immature little boy.

LuluBellaBlue · 20/02/2019 10:31

I once had a man say ‘I’ve never kissed someone who’s had a child before!’ And was surprised it was enjoyable
Well done for binning him! My 15 yr old son would never dream of uttering such a load of crap.

Walkaround · 20/02/2019 10:28

Floopyandtired - what he said and asked was offensive, but to be fair, you started it. If it shouldn't matter, then why did you tell him your body is not what it used to be, particularly your stomach? If it was to test his reaction, then why would you now be considering continuing the relationship? It's a bit of a double standard to tell someone you find your own body difficult to accept as it is, but to expect others to say they have no issues with it whatsoever.

WinterfellWench · 20/02/2019 10:23

Send him THIS pic OP.

Wants to see my body before we sleep together

Butterpup · 20/02/2019 10:03

I would have replied asking to see his six pack first.

category12 · 20/02/2019 09:59

What nashvilleheart said. I can't believe the amount of posts saying to get him to send a picture of his cock to shame him . A lot of blokes loooove sending cock shots, it's pretty ubiquitous.

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RedFeltHeart · 20/02/2019 09:59

I think branding this immature is offensive to most young men, to be fair.

I agree. My son is 20 and he wouldn't say this.

I know that because I've just asked him and he was utterly bemused that anyone would.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/02/2019 09:56

I think branding this immature is offensive to most young men, to be fair.

He's just a twat. Although I suspect he was hankering for nudes...

sunshinelollipopsrainbows · 20/02/2019 09:49

I'd struggle to be sexually attracted to someone that said that to me. What a weirdo haha.

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