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Original poster

Sex is consuming me

52 replies

MumCatx2 · 17/02/2019 22:16

I'm 35, and my attitude to sex is changing. I came off hormonal contraception and my sex drive is now much higher. I also want to really pursue things that i've only dabbled with before. I don't want to end up old and unattractive regretting things I never did. I don't get emotionally involved with sex so I can have sex outside of my relationship (with men or women) and be fine. The killer is, my partner of 7 years doesn't want to play. He has tried for me, but he doesn't have the same drive. We have amazing sex at home and he wants to keep it at that. Doing it on the sly is incredibly hard because he works from home, and he will leave if he finds out.
I feel so confused and so torn. The rational side of me says that I need to shut this side of me down. But a big part of me wants to indulge it.
I'm not scared of being a single mum, but don't want to do that to my kids. I'm so in love and happy, but i don't know if that will be enough for me forever.

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 17/02/2019 22:33

Could be monogamy is not for you.

WH1SPERS · 17/02/2019 22:36

Just to let you know, old and unatttactive people have great sex too. It’s not just for the young and beautiful like you Hmm.

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/02/2019 22:37

So, you’re betraying his trust?

Namenic · 17/02/2019 22:39

Don’t think it’s really fair to do it on the sly. If it’s a problem for you, I think you owe it to him to split honestly.

Sadiesnakes · 17/02/2019 22:39

Tough one op.
It's unfair to expect this type of relationship from your dh as it's not something he signed up for.
Cheating is deceitful and will eat you up and him when he finds out and will ultimately end your marriage.
You say you are so in love and happy. Good men are few and far between. Personally I wouldn't jeopardize that for a few extra curricular shags that are likely to be nothing more than disappointing.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/02/2019 22:48

The sensible side of you should tell him you’re cheating on him and then leave. Bit late now to stop without letting him know the real state of his marriage.

By all means go fuck anyone you want to but not while you’re married.

MissSmithToYou · 17/02/2019 22:49

lol

Original poster
MumCatx2 · 17/02/2019 23:11

Thanks Whispers, I know....its just that at the 'events' i've been too, i'm older and wobblier than 90% of the girls!! Young people are much braver now!
AnneLovesGilbert he does know that I don't want monogamy, and we aren't married. Because sometimes love isn't enough to keep you together, or sometimes love fades. I would never marry him because it wouldn't be fair.
Sadiessnakes you're right, I need to get over myself and see how lucky I am. But i fear that the first comment is right, monogamy isn't for me.

OP posts:
importantkath · 17/02/2019 23:12

For goodness sake, just have a wank like everyone else. What a selfish attitude.

This is not worth risking your children's family for.

Closetbeanmuncher · 18/02/2019 00:35

Realiatically, I don't think you can be that "in love and happy" if you're "consumed" by fucking strangers??

Come on now Blush

Closetbeanmuncher · 18/02/2019 00:36

*realistically

Islathepaella · 18/02/2019 00:43

For goodness sake, just have a wank like everyone else.

Haha, I think this my favourite piece of advice I’ve seen on MN. 100% agree btw.

SoleBizzz · 18/02/2019 00:45

When a man dares to post about sex he receives hateful abuse on MN.

I hope he leaves you.

Calvinsmam · 18/02/2019 00:47

If monogamy isn’t for you and he wants monogamy, you need to leave him.

End of.

GColdtimer · 18/02/2019 00:50

Goodness, how utterly self centred. There are loads of things I would like to do more of bit my priority is to my family.

Imagine your parent leaving you because they wanted to shag around.

LeadMeToTheChocolate · 18/02/2019 00:54

How can you risk your family’s happiness over a shag or two?!
Go back on the hormones, for everyone’s sake.

Piebeansandchips · 18/02/2019 00:56
Biscuit
SandAndSea · 18/02/2019 01:10

Given that you say you're in love and happy and don't want to upset your kids, if this is only since you came off the pill, how do you feel about going back on it? Maybe talk to your GP?

LittlePaintBox · 18/02/2019 01:16

How can you describe yourself as 'so in love and happy' if all you can think about is finding a way of slipping off to an 'event' where you can shag someone other than your partner? It isn't even as if you're attracted to someone else in particular (as I read it) - you just have the idea you're going to enjoy sex more with someone - anyone - other than him.

I don't know many single mothers who have managed to put together the sort of sex life you're craving, but it seems to me the only honest thing would be to give it a go, and see how you get on. But do be prepared for another woman to snap up your partner as soon as you've dumped him.

NotTheFordType · 18/02/2019 03:11

Good for you in putting your sexual needs first.

You'll find MN is full of pearl clutchers from the 1950s who will tell you that you shouldn't be having sex because sex is icky.

Fuck that, seek out sex with both men and women and deside what you prefer. Could be men, could be women, could be both, but make your own mind up.

Shockers · 18/02/2019 03:27

The OP should put her sexual needs before the needs of her children?

Sadiesnakes · 18/02/2019 03:36

Ford, you've come out with some ridiculous shit but this takes the biscuitHmm

Is OP's sexuality even a question?

Because you provide a service that promotes infidelity doesn't mean it's good or right.

No Op, don't put casual sex above your kids need for a happy stable family. It would be so selfish.

Decormad38 · 18/02/2019 03:37

How old are your kids? I honestly don’t know where people get the time to spend thinking about this. Have you not got a full enough timetable already? Just go on a nice break with your partner if you are that bored. Why would you wreck the relationship? What would your kids think?

ChakiraChakra · 18/02/2019 06:53

Oh Ford. I'm FAR from squeamish about sexual desire, poly and kink, but you seem to advocate for infidelity an awful lot.

OP it is possible to have open relationships, and/or be single and have all the much and varied sex with many and varied people that you want... but it is incompatible and totally unethical within a monogamous relationship where your partner didn't want that. He is just as entitled to a vanilla monogamous sex life as you are a wild and free one; your needs don't trump his. Either you negotiate a middle ground, one of you totally compromises or you go your separate ways. It's not fair on him for you to live the open life behind his back; that is infidelity and you know he will be very hurt when he finds out.

Tennesseewhiskey · 18/02/2019 07:08

NotTheFordType while I often read most of your posts and agree. I never agree around the ones on sex.

Mn, on the whole has very few people who clutch their pearls because women want a good sex life. Most women are fully supportive of other women enjoying their sex life

What people disagree with is, screwing over you partner to fulfil these sexual needs.

If monogamy isn't for the op, it's not for the op. The right thing to do is end the relationship, not do it behind his back.

No one has to be monogamous if they don't want. But they don't have the right to force that on anyone else.

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