AIBU

[SadVillageGirl]

I've been away for 3 weeks helping my daughter with her newborn. I'm due back tonight and said to my partner shall I come straight over (we have been together more than 2 years, live apart) but it won't be til around 8pm. He said that's too late and he will be asleep. So I said well shall I just let myself in and snuggle up to you, but still the answer is no. He said just come over Sunday. I'd also cancelled work on Monday so we could be together as he had booked Monday off too and he said he's working now so I'll just see him Sunday and then again next Friday. (He works away in the week).

Am I being unreasonable in thinking he would want to see me ASAP? Or is he just not into me? My history with him is not great as he has history of narcissistic abuse so I'm thinking this is just another one of his tactics to make me feel hurt in return for "leaving" him for 3 weeks. He's very jealous of the relationship I have with my children.

All of the above plus ....your children will be aware of how he feels towards them even if you haven't talked to them about it. They will sense the vibe and see through any act (if he bothers to put one on for them). What message of their worth does it send to them if you remain with him.

You've got bigger and better fish to fry with grandchild. Be strong and focus on the people that really matter here

I've just read your latest post. How horrific for you. He's vile and you do not deserve this.

I would text to say you've reconsidered your relationship with him and it's not one you want to pursue anymore. Do not apologise or waste any emotion on him in real life or in the text.

Drop any belongings of his to his doorstep when you know he'll be out and delete and block him so you have a fresh start.

And CONGRATULATIONS on your new grandchild!

Dear Lord! And you're still with him because..? Kick him to the kerb, firmly and with no room for going back because no relationship is worth being shouted at for going to visit your new grand baby!

He shouted at you for two hours on what should be a day of celebration?! Get rid. He's horrible.

Omg
He ruined your special day
What a fucking cunt

Ach he’s an arsehole.
I can’t say too much more than that. It doesn’t matter what decent qualities he does possess or that you don’t want to be single. Free yourself up for a life of non-arseholery in general, leaving space to meet someone who isn’t an arsehole.

Life is too short to nursemaid this man’s ego.

Don't waste time you could spend with your dc /dgc on him. He doesn't deserve you op.
Pack his stuff, drop it round when you get back. He won't be asleep at 8 will he?
Block and don't look back.

Ooh yeah def split the journey home, 8 hours is a lot. Nice hotel, bubble bath, text dump and block

Please listen to all the excellent advice on this thread- you are clearly worth more than that.

As for shouting at you for spending too long at the hospital, that is unforgivable- what a prize bellend! Good luck getting rid & maybe read up on all the tricks narcissists use when you dump them so you don’t fall for it..

you know this won't get better. Him versus your children forever. Just not on. You know this has to end.

yanbu
Sounds like you have 2 newborns.

I went over to his yesterday morning. He didn't even kiss or hug me. I asked if I could have some water repeatedly but he made me look at stuff that had gone on since I'd been away (letters).
We eventually went out but he was miserable and moody. Not once did he ask how my daughter/grand baby was, he just said his shoulder hurt, his eye hurt, his finger hurts etc. I had hoped he would be happy to see me. After I got home he text to say he was sorry but things are getting to him.
I didn't reply.

My history with him is not great as he has history of narcissistic abuse so I'm thinking this is just another one of his tactics to make me feel hurt in return for "leaving" him for 3 weeks. He's very jealous of the relationship I have with my children.

Bin him. This will not get better

I didn't reply.

Just get rid. Seriously

Unless you want a whiny child in your life?

What are you getting out of this relationship that makes you stay?

Come on love. You're 54 years of age, not a kid. Where's your self-respect? Bin the twat and get on with enjoying your life and your family.

⬆️⬆️⬆️ x100.

You’re not going to leave him ..

He sounds so childish for a grown man.

You know what he is like and still you stay with him. I don't think we should bother given you any advice. You clearly do not plan to listen or act on any of it.

He sounds awful.

Get rid.

He'll only get worse.

@ApolloandDaphne is correct.

The big thing here is every time you want to go and see your daughter and grandchild he is going to throw a strop. Do you really want this?? I’d want to be going pretty regularly and have no one else making me feel guilty for doing so. He sounds horrible I’m afraid.

Write a list of the good and bad. A
I guarantee the bad will be much longer.

He is trying to isolate you from your family.

This is a domestic abuse relationship.he doesnt have to be hitting you but he is using his power and control over you.

Soon he will make things difficult or use guilt to make you not see your family and see your grandchild but he'll say its your decision even though you are doing it for him.

He just wants you all to himself.

I also suggest you look at counselling for yourself for your own self esteem. You seem to crave others attention (partner) and not value yourself