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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

106 replies

Strawbridge · 10/02/2019 14:31

Is it me or has men changed for the worst?

The last two people that I invited for dinner both turned up completely empty-handed. Surely, if someone invites you for dinner and have gone through all the struggle to cook food from scratch , the least you can do is at least bring a bottle of wine.

Am I wrong to expect this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawbridge · 11/02/2019 16:29

@Blunt, I have known the second man for about 8 months. I love cooking and I think it's nicer to dine in rather than in restaurants. I don't only invite men for dinner in my house - I invite couples, ladies, friends and family too.

OP posts:
Bubba1234 · 11/02/2019 16:30

Yes it’s rude they are being fed and watered and they can’t be something to be nice

Bluntness100 · 11/02/2019 16:34

Could they have thought it was a causal supper? As in did they know it was a date and you were going to all this trouble?

Did they offer to take you out for dinner or to cook for you in return?

Original poster
Strawbridge · 11/02/2019 16:43

@Blunt, with the first guy, he did took me out for dinner and I would always offer to pay half - I also cooked for him a lot.

I host dinner parties - so they have an idea that it was not causal dinner. The first guy, I ended the relationship with him after I got an email from his partner. He forgot to mention her when we first me.

I think the second guy have trust issues - he assumes that women are after money.

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 11/02/2019 16:44

@bluntness normally I think you're brilliant but you're being a bit of an arse here. It's irrelevant, she can invite who ever she likes round for food or whatever else she fancies. It's not unreasonable to think a guest, any guest, might bring along an appreciative gesture.

Original poster
Strawbridge · 11/02/2019 16:47

*met**, not me.

@One, thank you!

OP posts:
MumsyJ · 11/02/2019 16:54

Oh cut OP some slack here! Welldone OP for all your effort cooking for your friends and family.

I enjoy cooking, but it's entirely up to my guests whether or not they want to bring along something as I've stocked up loads of booze in variations ahead.

Having said the above, I never attend any dinner without a teeny weeny something for the host for going through the effort to entertain guests.

WobbleTime · 11/02/2019 16:59

What did you cook OP?
I agree with you by the way. I always take wine, flowers, chocolate or similar if I’m invited for lunch or dinner at a friends house. It’s polite. They’ve made an effort for me.

Original poster
Strawbridge · 11/02/2019 17:00

@Mum, thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawbridge · 11/02/2019 17:02

Spicy Lentil soup for starter
Fish course
Ribeye steak

OP posts:
sidesplittinglol · 11/02/2019 17:06

I don't think it's fair to say all men are rude.

YABU to expect a gift. If they bring one then great.

But it is rude to not bring a gift to a dinner party.

Original poster
Strawbridge · 11/02/2019 17:09

@Sides, not a gift per se - a flowers would have been nice. I love flowers

OP posts:
MollysLips · 11/02/2019 17:10

Cooking 5-course meals for men you're not even dating, or just starting to date, is a sweet gesture but it won't get you the results you're hoping for. It'll put them off. Unfortunately, it looks like you're trying too hard. I know it's your job and you enjoy it, but even so, it's just much too keen.

That's the reason they're not turning up with any wine or anything; they are in the role of the "pursued" rather than the "pursuer", so they're sitting back and waiting for you to impress them.

Also, why are you offering to pay halves when a man takes you out to dinner?! Don't believe that crap about men being scared to be used for their money. Men make money purely to impress women with it! 😆 Any bloke who claims that crap either just doesn't fancy you, or is criminally stingey.

If you like cooking, use it as a say to repay a man for several dates out. Let him take you out for 3 lovely dates, then cook for him to say thanks. Or for his birthday. Or preferably to celebrate your engagement.

My now DH used to take me out for dinner all the time. And he was BROKE. Or if my DC were at home, he'd bring ingredients to my house and cook lovely meals.

I made him a bacon sandwich after he changed the oil in my car. That was when we'd been dating 4 months.

Now are married, I cook for him almost every night! But until then, I didn't have to.

ShatnersWig · 11/02/2019 17:12

Also, why are you offering to pay halves when a man takes you out to dinner?! Don't believe that crap about men being scared to be used for their money. Men make money purely to impress women with it! 😆 Any bloke who claims that crap either just doesn't fancy you, or is criminally stingey.

Oh do fuck off back to the 1950s with that shit.

Original poster
Strawbridge · 11/02/2019 17:13

@Molly, thank you for the advice!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 11/02/2019 17:14

Well not sure how I'm being a bit of an arse Confused

The op has asked if all men have changed for the worse and if it's unreasonable to expect them to bring something, so I'm a bit bored and trying to work out who they are to her and why they were invited as it helps answer the question. At no stage have I said she shouldn't invite them, and I've clearly stated I think it's rude, I'm just trying to work out if they are arseholes or if there was a reason they would turn up empty handed...

Seems fair enough to me.

Anyways, when we go to friends for dinner, we always bring wine flowers and chocolates, and friends do that to us, however my husband still says, "what are you taking all that for" even though he has been privy to it for years. I think some blokes don't think. However on a date I'd expect them too.

Boysandbuses · 11/02/2019 17:16

The detail people have asked for is very relevant. Of course it's, because there some situations where you could understand people not bringing something.
Even though in most situations I would.

anxiousbundle · 11/02/2019 17:17

I always bring something even if going to someone's house or lunch/cup of tea. Packet of nice biscuits/small bunch of flowers/bottle of wine if they're drinkers.

It's £4 max if you don't want to spend a lot so I don't think you're being unreasonable to expect a gesture of good will when you've cooked!

Original poster
Strawbridge · 11/02/2019 17:26

@Anxious, thank you! You can even pick up really nice Tulips for £2.50 in Sainsburys.

OP posts:
Nampoo · 11/02/2019 17:30

@ShatnersWig - every blooming day for the past 10 years since moving in together

NotAgainSilly · 11/02/2019 17:33

Also, why are you offering to pay halves when a man takes you out to dinner?! Don't believe that crap about men being scared to be used for their money. Men make money purely to impress women with it! 😆 Any bloke who claims that crap either just doesn't fancy you, or is criminally stingey.

1950s called and want their opinions back. 🙄

toach · 11/02/2019 17:34

I cut the legs off my dining table, I now have a huge coffee table.

Problem solved, no more dinner parties.

Original poster
Strawbridge · 11/02/2019 17:37

@toach, thank you for a lovely idea!

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 11/02/2019 19:20

I think it’s sad that people forget the niceties. I know this makes me sound like someone from the dark ages. But it’s ‘nice’ to turn up with flowers, or wine? Or something that makes the other person smile. I don’t think it’s got anything to do with gender, I’d always bring a bottle or maybe flowers if I was visiting a friend (regardless of sex) who’d gone to the effort of cooking me something.

MollysLips · 11/02/2019 22:47

1950s called and want their opinions back.

The 1990s called and want their put-down back...