Am I being unreasonable?

[Strawbridge]

Is it me or has men changed for the worst?

The last two people that I invited for dinner both turned up completely empty-handed. Surely, if someone invites you for dinner and have gone through all the struggle to cook food from scratch , the least you can do is at least bring a bottle of wine.

Am I wrong to expect this?

@Blunt, yes. Take the guy that I have known for 3 years, we dated and when his mother passed away, he was in the same town as me, so I invited him to dinner.

I also work as a private chef, so I often have friends and family for dinner. It's always nice to invite friends/family for dinner. If I have gone through the struggle to cook, the least my guests can do is bring some flowers to show appreciation.

Well if he did,boys, he was out of luck! Must try harder!

Eh? That's doesn't even make sense as a response. I am saying that perhaps when she said 'I will cook'they thought was a casual thing or casual shag. In which case there wouldn't be wine, chocolates or flowers.

Not that they should get a shag, if that's what they thought. If someone asked me to come to theirs for dinner, I would take a gift. But I can see why someone wouldn't if they didn't know it was going to be a 5 course meal, with photos and gifts.

I can imagine the ops view of the evening she had planned was very different to the view the people she had round had.

Well then I agree, I never turn up empty handed and I find it rude if someone does, but you dated this dude, surely you know what he is like.

I also don't get what you mean by 'I set the table well' the photo looks like a fairly bog standard table setting. Not a spectauclar romantic night in.

But op, if you are a chef and always take photos, I am surprised the settings aren't set out straight, neat and tidy.

Op, I’m with you. If I go to dinner, I always take something as my contribution. It’s just good manners. It doesn’t have to be anything big or expensive.

You probably now know all you need to about your guest.

@Blunt, the guy that I have known for three years, that's how he is like - once he promised to bring a bottle of wine but had one in the pub/bar and forgot to bring any.

@Boys, the table was straighten up in the evening. It was looking lovely in the evening with candles etc

OP, I like the cut of your jib and think it's very sweet that you offer to cook for these men. You obviously have a very caring streak, and I agree that it would be rude to not bring a token of thanks for the hostess. However, I think it's more a mark of modern society that simple manners are being ignored more and more, than something specifically to do with men.
Good luck with your dating, and I hope you find someone who appreciates the effort that goes into what you do!

However, I think it's more a mark of modern society that simple manners are being ignored more and more

Agreed, @Blooto. I had some female friends round for dinner last year. Not one of them brought me a bottle of wine. Bitches.

@Blooto, thank you for your sweet words. I invite a lot of people to dinner butt get zero invites.

I can understand the lack of return invitations. Perhaps they are intimidated at the complexity of the meal. I would be but I’m a hopeless cook.

The men just turns up with their hands swinging.

No, they've probably shelled out for a box of condoms, as they think they are on a promise! 😂

To me, bringing wine says "what you drink is shit-here have this!"

Are they wine drinkers? Some people wouldn't bring wine if they are beer drinkers or teetotal.

Usually I ask the host if they want me to bring anything, if they say no then I don't take anything.

Lol you haven't set the table very well. The cutlery is in the wrong order. If you are that much of a stickler for etiquette then you need to get that right.

Interesting to read everyone's opinion on this.

I'm in a similar position, seeing a new guy. Have cooked for him several times and not once has he brought a bottle or flowers.

I'm in the camp of always taking something for the host - as a thank you gesture.

It's not something I expect when hosting but is always warmly received and I think it shows respect and decent manners.

It won't be a show stopper for me as otherwise he is a lovely guy but it would be nice to be spoilt occasionally seeing as I've gone to a lot of time, effort and expense to prepare a meal and host dinner.

@MissBehaving1000 How many times has he cooked for you?

@Miss, you are so right! Thank you. It does not have to be something expensive, it's the gesture and the thought behind it.

I sell things online, so I gave him a nice scarf as it's still cold.

@Azul, that's was done in the morning, however, I straighten everything in the evening. Had nice candles and it was very romantic.

Goodness MissBehaving1000 why are you going to so much effort? I really don't understand this.

There is no way I would expend so much effort on someone new. Why would you bother? It is like you are saying "oh, pick me because I'll make the most effort and fall over myself to cook you really special meals, even though I barely know you and you can't even be fucked to bring me the smallest of offerings like a polite person would do".

when the Mr came over for dinner in our early dating days he would bring flowers, wine & the dinner ingredients then cook it for me & clear up afterwards!

My how those times have changed

@Nampoo How often did you go to his and reciprocate?

OP, you're exactly right, any guest should at least offer if not definitely turn up with a contribution. Not sure why pp's want your dating history to answer the question. Just being nosy b*ards I think and trying to use it to mock you. Nasty collective bullying on here today.

Christ. All that effort and you serve it on cold plates? Ewwww.

Do you think it's a bit much op? Maybe they are not expecting all this?

I mean cooking a five course meal, giving them gifts, it's well, a bit much really.

And what about the other guy, not the one you used to date and have known for three years, the other one who brought nothing? What's the story with him?

Ps, and yes, the cutlery is in the wrong order. The cutlery you use first goes on the outside.

It’s rude to turn up to any dinner party empty handed. Even if they can’t afford wine they could bring chocolates, flowers, a cactus, anything.

Just being nosy b*ards I think and trying to use it to mock you

Yes on the nosiness, but I'm certainly not mocking her, I'm simply trying to understand who these men are and why she's inviting them round for five course romantic meals. It seems a bit unusual, let's be honest.

@Blunt, I sorted the table out in the evening.

@Boob, food was not served on any cold plates - it was hot plate. I set the table in the morning.