16 yr old DD dating 20 yr old???

[pollywolfff]

Is this okay and acceptable? I've met her boyfriend and he seems really genuine and nice but they age gap at this point worries me. I understand if they were older it would be a normal age gap so I'm conflicted. What are your opinions on this?

I went out with a 19 year old when I was 15, we were together 4 years. At the time I thought it was perfectly normal, but in hindsight it was a very imbalanced relationship and toxic. My parents weren't happy but that just pushed us further together, I certainly wouldn't want my dd to be in that position but it's an impossible situation as a parent.

Personally I think it's weird, simply because when I was 20, 16 year olds looked like children to me. As you say, not much of an issue when older. However, I'm not sure there's much you can do about it and legally it's not an issue, so I guess you just have to grin and bear it.

Is your DD immature, and do they avoid you? If not, just keep a discreet eye. She is, after all, old enough to marry with your consent.

Fine. I was with a 23 year old at that age.

Judge it on the two individuals, not their ages.

16 year olds looked like children to me.

Many sixteen year old girls look much older than their years!

When I was 15 I went out with a 20yo we were together over 3 years and I remember the relationship very fondly. He was a good guy but we drifted apart eventually.

My ds is almost 20. He is a second year student and very strongly feels that schoolchildren are totally off the menu for him or any of his friends. Which makes me quite glad as I'd find it hard to not be pretty condemnatory if he did have a much younger girlfriend. He has grown up massively in the last four years and I'd really wonder about motivation if he was interested in a 16 year old. I'd see it as pretty much a child/adult relationship.

What @ihuntmonsters said. 😶 at the fact that 16 year old girls look older so it's ok.... I work with 15-16 yos and cannot fathom why a 20 year old would genuinely want a relationship with them! Lovely as they all are! I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Must be very difficult as a parent

Depends on the two people. Four years is nothing in general, but when the younger party is sixteen the gulf could be very wide. So much growing up is done during the late teens.

When I was 20, 16 your olds just seemed like silly school kids. I'd be wondering what the attraction was for the partner. Most 20 year olds are going out and enjoying nightlife with their girlfriends and instead this one is what, picking his girlfriend up from school? It's odd.

I had a 20 year old boyfriend when I was 16, was together 3 years. He did indeed used to pick me up from school. That is until I dropped out because I was spending all lunch breaks smoking weed with him and not bothering to go back. He was very immature so there wasn't much of an imbalance in that respect, but I guess from what previous posters have said, he would have found me too young if he was a uni student and not a full time stoner. I do massively regret it, I regret dropping out of sixth form at grammar school and ending up with no Alevels and not going to uni myself although I was more than capable. I wish my parents hadn't left me to it (what they actually did was invite him to live with us).

So from my own experience, their influence is what's most important here.

My dd was with an 18 year old and then he turned 19 a few months after they got together. At first I was a bit weird with it, but he was a lovely boy and they were together just over a year. Girls today are a lot more mature for their age, not like when I was that age. IMO 20 seems a bit too much.

When i was 16 i met my husband who was 23, he was a bit immature i was mature it was a good match for us. We' ve been together over 18 yrs now, married for 12 years.

Keep an eye.

I was made to perform sexually (first time in my life) to a 25 year old who I thought was my first boyfriend. It made me feel grown up, but thinking back I feel used. Thank goodness it wasn't penetration. Even so, I lost my virginity to a 25 year old at 17 and wished I'd given the good guys my own age a chance to have my first sexual experience with.

I was with a 20 year old at 16- 5 years later we own a house and are engaged! Guess it depends on the individuals

When I was 15 my boyfriend was 18 nearly 19. At the time, this seemed perfectly normal, and my parents quite happily accepted him, but I wouldn't be as understanding if this was my DD.

I dated a 19 turned 20 year old when together when I was 16.

I was with a 20-year-old at that age. I didn't look 16, used to get into over 21 clubs without ID. I was mature and all my mates were in their 20's. I used to find people my own age too immature. They would spend their weekends at home, hanging out on the streets etc, whereas I would be out clubbing.

From 16 to 20 kids develop a lot IMHO. Whether starting college, then uni or starting work. It's when kids become young adults. I am aware I am generalising they start dealing with adults themselves.
So it's weird to me that a young adult wants to date a child.

I was 16 when I met my partner and he was 22 we are still together 9 years down the line getting married next year and have children and a house. I think depends on the how mature they are.

Why would a 20 year old man want to go out with a 16 year old?

I can absolutely understand why a 16 year old girl would want to go out with a 20 year old. I was one myself and did exactly the same, older as well. I was flattered, I could show off to all my mates - who were jealous.

I'd have the bastards arrested now.

If I knew then what I know now ...

my first love at 16 was a 24 year old. He was sensible, respectful, tee total anti drugs from a nice family and we spent two lovely years together. His previous few girlfriends were over 18. We met at work. I never think of it as weird. Of course safeguards and age of consent are essential, but I feel for teens these days, it's so limiting to think so warily of everyone.

You wouldn't find a 24 year old woman with a 16 year old boy though

I was also with a 19 year old for a few months when I was 15. Many of the girls my age did and some are still together (over 30 years).
I teach and several of the girls have boyfriends that are older. They talk openly and honestly about it to me and their parents.

I actually wish I had lost my virginity to him rather than waiting and losing it (and my heart) to an absolute bastard who allowed his brother to watch (through a peep hole) him take my virginity.

That said I would not be comfortable
With DS (15) having a girlfriend of that age when he is 20.

Oh, and unlike 16-year-old males, he wasn't trying to get into my knickers constantly. Didn't use the bs line of if you loved me you would do x,y and z.