Do I marry him...... 28 days and counting

[gemmajfk]

OK so this has the potential to be super long but I just don't know what to do!
Been with partner 2 years, we have a son 5 months old and he has a girl from previous and I have 2 from previous. We live together, life, kids, house, cars, the works.....

So after being together only 6 months (we had already moved in, talked about trying for baby) I found out he had been cheating, all online chatting, photos, videos, watching lots of porn and paying online for it.... also went to sex party didn't join in as such but wanted the trill. All of the above was about the thrill. He stopped. He says. Fast forward 18 months we have a 5 month old and due to get married in 4 weeks.

I love him dearly. More than I have ever loved anyone. Taking away the above, he truly is perfect. I do truly love him and we have the best time and relationship together.

BUT he's cheated in every girlfriend he's had, no long term GF over 5 years and all ended badly with him fucking it up.

He swears he's over being a twat and won't to be ever again, he says some of the nicest things. As you can imagine my self confidence is at rock bottom and I feel worthless.

Can I marry a man who I think might cheat on me?
I love him so desperately much it's unreal but I can't be hurt by him again, I can't take it.
He's adamant he won't ever hurt me again or cheat but his past is horrendous.....

What can I do?????

Gemma, you do NOT have to do this. This man has not stopped his sexual thrill seeking.

Surely you aren’t really going to sentence yourself and your children to a future of anxiety and uncertainty, never knowing what he’s going to do next.

Ok, he is a twat, and look who chose him! Why did you decide to have children with someone you either did not know or did not want to know?
Now you have a baby, you need to make the best of it I suppose. one the plus side he has not actually cheated on you only had a more varied sex life than you. You never know, he might not get bored.

"I love him dearly. More than I have ever loved anyone." .....??????!!!!!!

We love people for their positive qualities; you do not love him, you are infatuated to the point where you have lost your reason.

Time to engage your rational brain and ask yourself what you are condemning your children to. Take risks with your own happiness if you must; but not with the happiness of your children. Once we have children we have to put them first or we simply do not deserve to have them. It is worth remembering that just because you love him, there is no reason on earth why your children should and they are not just parcels to be dragged around to your latest infatuation. Presumably when he gets up to his old tricks again (as he assuredly will) the atmosphere at home will not be one that you would wish on your children - or are they irrelevant to your thinking?

For goodness sake get a grip.

28 days to go? Kids together and property is shared? I have learned the hard way that if you AREN'T married it's a total nightmare for the partner with the least property/earnings. You need to be financially protected. If he owns property, you would be entitled to none of it. My opinion is that you have invested enough time and effort in this relationship, you should get the protection that marriage brings you. If he then does continue with his thrill seeking (he may not) then you can split with a bit more financial and property protection. Sorry to be so sceptical, but I wish to god I had married my total abusive bastard. He'd be taken to the cleaners!

If you bought together and have been sensible about the way you've done it, there isn't much sense in marrying for the financial side - you'd have to stay married for at least a year and anything under 5 years is a "short marriage" so you're unlikely to be awarded anything beyond what you're probably entitled to anyway, assuming you went in on an equal footing.

Not to mention divorce costs. It could costs thousands if he fought it.

Get legal/financial advice about your standing before you take it for granted that marriage would be better for your financial outcome.

If you're not sure about marrying him, for gods sake, don't.