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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp has accused me of stealing his Cannabis from his shed!

89 replies

notasheep · 03/07/2007 21:06

And giving it to a girlfriend.
Whilst my head is full of how will i pay £120 gas bill,£130 electric bill,£140 council tax,£100 for 2 new car tyres.

Think our priorities are wrong.
And i havent been in his bloody shed and didnt know he was hiding stuff up in it.

Concerned he is getting paranoid and putting Cannabis as top priority.
Anyone else have a dh/dp with such a habit getting in the way?

OP posts:
HelenLoveJoyOfSpringfield · 03/07/2007 21:33

David Sylvian, you're lucky! I had t'pau "china in your hand" over & over again.. he liked to watch the red volume signals on the hi-fi when it was dark

Speccy · 03/07/2007 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

collision · 03/07/2007 21:34

Can you go full time and get WTC and kick him out?

You deserve so much better and it is not a healthy relationship at all.

Original poster
notasheep · 03/07/2007 21:34

Almost 9 years together
dd 7yrs ds 2yrs

OP posts:
Speccy · 03/07/2007 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Speccy · 03/07/2007 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
notasheep · 03/07/2007 21:38

He has actually said from his own mouth: Cannabis will end up killing our relationship!

OP posts:
Original poster
notasheep · 03/07/2007 21:39

Off line for a while back later

OP posts:
Speccy · 03/07/2007 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
notasheep · 04/07/2007 00:24

no

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/07/2007 06:46

notasheep

He is right - cannabis will end up killing your relationship. There are now three of you in this relationship of yours and to him the cannabis is more important.

You should take heed of your brother's words; after all he knows directly what's happening.

If you have not told your partner to ditch the cannabis is this because you just cannot face telling him or you will not as its a waste of time and he's not going to listen to you?.

He's likely to be so addicted/dependent on cannabis that it is completely clouding his judgment and is becoming paranoid (it does do that over time). Reckon as well his short term memory is affected; this will not get better for you or him. He is playing Russian Roulette with his mental health.

You will not be able to change him or help him (only he can do that), do not let the fact that he is your children's Dad cloud your own judgment. They deserve better and so do you. You can make it on your own.

Would you want your daughter to end up with a dope head like your partner?. Of course not but what are you teaching your children?. That's its okay to be like this and to put up with it?. Sorry but you are.

I do not advocate separation lightly but if you all want to be dragged down further with him then continue to live like this. Your choice ultimately because he cannot or will not make a decision. You're going to have to and soon.

Pan · 04/07/2007 06:59

hello notasheep...I too thought this was a jokey thread, but not so...

agree so much with Attila........what more evidence are you looking for m'dear??...............dope smoking can be fun, in the short term, and occassionally...but one of the indices on addiction is 'what will you sacrifice to maintain the habit?' Looks like he is telling you this already.

And the precious little ones DO need protecting from the effects of this. Is he smoking in the home? I presume he is. Not good.

It is only fair and honest (IMHO) to put him on a warning. And stick to it.

Pan · 04/07/2007 07:02

just a bye-the-bye...what's it doing in the shed?

and..did you??

SugaryBits · 04/07/2007 07:12

Hi NOS, My DH used to smoke and it didn't really bother me. That changed when we had children. I did not want our children to be exposed to drugs.

Breaking point came when it was more of a priority to skin up after work than say hello to the DC. I printed off lots of information about the damage it was doing to him and told him he was changing but to no avail.

Eventually I told him he either gave up or I would leave. I gave him a date to stop completely and he did.

Our life is so much better without it. He is a much more pleasant person to be around and a much better dad!

tiredemma · 04/07/2007 07:30

show him this.

mental health and cannabis use

Cannabis plays havoc with your mental health.
He already sounds paranoid.

tribpot · 04/07/2007 07:36

Sounds like you should be nicking it and selling it to pay the gas bill. (Not said entirely seriously) Who pays for his habit, btw? Does he earn anything?

He sounds like a complete loser.

SimplySparkling · 04/07/2007 07:42

notasheep I opened this thread wondering if it would be yours from the title. I'm sorry that your dp is still behaving in this way. Sorry, I don't know what to say. I see there is good advice here. I hope it can help you to get out of this situation, hopefully helping your dp to stop so that your relationship continues like SugaryBits did.

Original poster
notasheep · 04/07/2007 16:25

Simply-you remember well,things havent changed one bit.
Atilla-thankyou for your post you are sooooo right
Pan-His shed is his place(couldnt really keep it in the kitchen cupboard!)
NO! I didnt look for it-havent got time to do things like that being Mum.
Tribpot-he is unemployed!

OP posts:
americantrish · 04/07/2007 17:34

he definitely sounds paranoid. i used to smoke quite a bit in my younger years and i used to get horribly paranoid

he isn't without hope, but his priorities are all fcked up. presuming you two have a child/ren.
i hope he sorts himself out
and i hope you can work something out for the bills.. (most of them will work with you on payment plans!)

imaginaryfriend · 04/07/2007 18:15

notasheep, how does he afford it on dole money? Do you know roughly how much he smokes / how much he spends?

Original poster
notasheep · 04/07/2007 18:41

He gets £92 a week injury benefit no idea how much he smokes or spends on it.
He always goes out to see his mates with an excuse!

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 04/07/2007 19:56

Tell him to report it to ghe police.

Fuck's sake.

Original poster
notasheep · 04/07/2007 23:26

Thanks for that!

OP posts:
mamazon · 04/07/2007 23:31

if i found my Dp had cannabis anywhere near my home he would be my DXP pretty darn quickly quite frankly.

as for him putting that as a priority..lord knows.
cannabis is known to cause paranoia so its quite likely that this is a side effect from prolonged use, if you choose to have this person continue to abuse his body around you and your children then i guess you need to get used to being accused of things like this

charliecat · 04/07/2007 23:33

hello NAS...knew this was gonna be you