I found a whole load of dodgy crap on my DH's mobile browsing history

[froggy1811]

Hi, I'm besides myself at the moment, so sorry if I rant, but less than a week ago I joined Tumblr (which my dh has been a member of for quite some time.)

I registered myself under a silly name then searched his username, and went through his 'following' and 'followers list. (All porn type fodder, which I kind of knew anyway) BUT within a day of me telling him I'd joined, he deleted his account, which really got my suspicions up!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I decided a little snoop of his browser history wouldn't go a miss, and I almost wish I hadn't looked because among a couple of dating/hook up sites (Russian Brides being among them) I came across so much gay and transsexual porn it's untrue. He also had quite a number of gay/bisexual videos and a couple of images saved to his phone.

I have confronted him but he's just stonewalled me and denies it despite the fact he knows that I have seen this!

I have applied for a divorce, but I have six weeks that my petition will be saved, and for some reason I can't bring myself to just send it off and have done with.

I have not slept a single wink since seeing all of this, and I haven't eaten, because I just don't what what I'm dealing with here - I mean, is he gay or bi? Has he been cheating with women?

I'm so confused and messed up right now.

I suppose I ought to add, that this stuff was from early January, and he doesn't seem to have searched it recently, but since I've confronted him he's put a passcode on his phone (because he said he's sick of me waking him up in the night with questions...) which just translates to a guilty conscience to me.

I have known he had a thing about anal penetration for nearly as long as we've been together (as in, him being penetrated just to verify) but he's always assured me it's a fetish and he could never see himself kissing or being intimate with a man.

He buys all these awful underpants from eBay, like jock straps with the back cut out, which I absolutely hate - and have told him so on many occasions.

My ds is 15, and been with dh for 18 years (married 12)

No, because I don't really leave the house without him, but I'm planning to call the doctor on Monday, and see if anyone will come out and see me. X

OP so sorry you are having to go through this, but in a way the fact he is now showing his true colours is better than just skirting round the issue. It also demonstrates a lot of guilt in the way he is dealing with this.

My sister had agoraphobia and was prone to panic attacks. It was helped a lot by taking antidepressants. I hope your GP can help.

Re getting other help with all this...if you don’t want to leave the house have you ever considered online counselling? For advice about housing/finances normally CAB would be the place to go. I don’t know if they offer an online service? Hopefully someone else can offer suggestions. He would of course have to pay you child support, and possibly spousal. You might, depending on circumstances, be eligible for legal aid from a solicitor for the divorce

@HIVPos he would not be shocked at all, what utter rubbish! He has a weekly column in the magazine, ‘Closer’ and this is where he printed it! It was an issue from last year, sorry I don’t have the number of the issue right now for you, but your totally going on and on about the wrong things. Your posts are sounding like your saying I’ve made this up!

@froggy1811 I would imagine that this is the tip of a very large iceberg of behaviour from your H which may well have caused/contributed to your agoraphobia/depression over the years. Getting rid of him could e the thing that makes your life immeasurably better in the long run. If he went you would be entitled to various benefits you should maybe look on that benefits checker website to see what you may be entitled to and that might give you the comfort of knowing that you would be ok without him and his wage.

Well at the moment I am pinning all my hope on the doctor either coming out to see me, or atleast a telephone consultation.

I will absolutely take him for child maintenance, and tbh, I'd probably be getting more financial help from him than what I am receiving right now.

It's just a terrible situation, because my ds just wants for us to stay together. X

Yes, my mum keeps saying that, hard as it is, she feels this maybe a positive thing in the long run, because she believes he has made me this way (which really, nobody else can do to a person,) BUT it is true that he seems to prefer me stuck in the house; and when I did used to go out, he would accuse me of ridiculous things.

Of course, now we've fallen out and I'm doing online shopping (because he won't go to the shop for us anymore) he's having jibes at me, saying 'instead, you could just go to the shop yourself ' (even though for years, he's assured me, that I have nothing to be ashamed of regarding my agoraphobic!)

Just further confirms that he has kept me this way for years, because it was convenient to him.

He has been an alcoholic nearly the entire time that I have known him, and I can't help but wonder if the new job, new car etc is all for somebody else - whatever the sex...x

Agoraphobia I meant

Imagine telling you to go the shops yourself, what a complete Bastard! Leave him and fast, god he sounds awful.

Sorry for the late reply, but I went through his browser history because I joined Tumblr (which if you read my post, you will see he's been a member of for quite some time) however, the second he found out that I'd joined he deleted his Tumblr.

This is what made me suspicious, and compelled me to look through his browser history (which everyone I've spoken to seems to agree looks suspicious.)

Thank you. He is awful and I'm just trying to move forward the best way I know how. X

I think your issues are very likely the result of living with an abuser all these years.

The way you have described it, you couldn't win for losing, in his eyes. Nothing you could do was right.

Maybe look up narcissism, ptsd, cptsd, and effects of living with abuse and narcissists.

You will get well when you get free OP.

You are already showing an amazing strength, that perhaps you didn’t know you had to confront him.

As you said anal penetration desire doesn’t make some one gay but perhaps
Indulging in the porn excessively and also being so defensive suggests he may lean that way.

It is important you get checked for std’s and hiv when you get the courage up, because if he has cheated with a man or woman you are at risk and this will give you piece of mind ( I was engaged to someone who cheated on me with male and females ), once we split an I made the move I must admit it felt pretty good once I sorted myself out, and now have a beautiful son and amazing husband and no doubt my ex is happier too if he is living a life truer to him, I just am an exclusive kind of person. ( Interestingly he used to always accuse me of cheating on him, 🙄 and barely let me out of his sight, god knows when he had time presume when I was at work )

If there is anyway of counselling look into it when again you can, it’s time to look after you.

Take each day as it comes and recognise that you are stronger than you knew x