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Original poster

Husband been booking prostitutes

80 replies

unsureonwhattodo · 02/02/2019 23:35

Hi,

I'm looking for help, I really don't know what to do. I have just found emails from my husband trying to arrange to see two different prostitutes. I'm away having a holiday with family with our 6 month old baby as he has a lot of work on this week. I'm ashamed to say I checked his emails, something I've never done before but I've felt uneasy. He's emailed one woman asking how it works and making an appointment. He cancelled the appointment because of the weather. He asked the other for an appointment, she replied the next day, then he said he was busy but would definitely like to see her at some point. When I called him out on it he apologised over and over, said he was embarrassed and was doing it to get a kick as porn doesn't do it for him anymore and he wouldn't have gone through with it and felt stupid. Has anyone got any experience in this or advice? I feel lost, unattractive and so so sad xxx

OP posts:
theworldistoosmall · 03/02/2019 13:16

I don't think he's seen a prostitute before tbh.
He's not necessarily a timewaster, but someone who is nervous. Hence the cancellation for the weather. If he wasn't nervous he would have gone through with it. The talk of making another booking just something meaningless said.

It could have been a moment of madness. He's feeling lonely, gets onto the site and gets carried away. Even more so because of some of the wording used (we cannot legally say - Hi, let's meet for an hour, fuck and get charged £150). I've had nervous guys contact me and it takes them ages to actually meet. And yes some have contacted me just for a chat.

What would I do? It really would depend on the relationship and if it was already at breaking point or not.

Racecardriver · 03/02/2019 13:17

Well I would be insisting on a vasectomy (you don’t want him to produce any offspring with other women to compete for resources with your child). Then consider whether you actually want to continue being his lover (I don’t think I could, I’d feel a bit icky and paranoid about stds) and then whether you want to continue the marriage (and in what fashion) or whether you would prefer to leave and start divorce proceedings. If you decide to continue your marriage consider the possibility of counselling and make sure you have a clear agreement in place about how things will work. This must be a terrible shock for you. I hope you work things out Flowers

KellyC19 · 03/02/2019 13:19

He's feeling lonely

If he's feeling lonely, why doesn't he meet up with a friend or family member, or Skype his wife and child; rather than going on to an 'escorting' website and messaging prostitutes?

Some of the responses itt are mind boggling

Kittykat93 · 03/02/2019 13:19

You have a six month old and this is how he's treating you Sadsad.

KellyC19 · 03/02/2019 13:22

If by lonely you mean horny; wanming generally sorts that out: if he truly can't climax from wanking to porn and now needs to message prostitutes about meeting g them for sex to climax, most people would consider that a bit of a problem.

dontknowwhatnametochoose · 03/02/2019 13:22

Personally I wouldn't be able to trust him again or believe anything he says. Yes it sounds like he was nervous so didn't go through with it, but that doesn't mean to say the nerves won't go away at some point and he'll just do it.

I would leave him. I've got a friend who's ex cheated with prostitutes. He used the excuse that it was too tempting when he worked away as he was so horny and he couldn't handle time without sex... yet didn't have sex with her often at home.

It must be heartbreaking knowing your away with family and he's attempting to meet prostitutes for sex, he may have his wits about him now and make sure there's no way you find out about it in future. You've got a young baby and he shouldn't be doing this, leave for your own sanity or it'll drive you crazy. You don't deserve this, you've given him a child recently and this is how he treats you. Speak to someone you feel you can 100% trust in real life, they'll see it from your relationship side (what they know about your relationship) and hopefully help you through!

theworldistoosmall · 03/02/2019 13:24

Oh and just because a person has fucked a prostitute doesn't mean that he has caught something. This really bugs me.
We take our sexual health extremely seriously and get tested often, we aren't clean we cannot earn.
Yet I see posts all the time on here where people have started sleeping together and not tested. Not tested between partners. Never tested in their adult lives. 4 months into a relationship, not tested and pregnant. Yet we are the ones who have infections and pass them onto everyone, even though unlike the above examples we practice safe sex.

KellyC19 · 03/02/2019 13:27

The world - posters say that all the time if there's a suspicion 'd'h has had sexual contact with anyone else, non sex workers included. I've seen it in every thread with a suggestion of infidelity.

theworldistoosmall · 03/02/2019 13:28

Wow Racecardriver you could insist all you want that he has a vasectomy, but he has free will over his body. Just because he may or may not visit prostitutes doesn't mean he will have a child ffs. If she insists on this, I actually hope he tells her to get fucked.

And then you would possibly end the relationship. What a nasty fucked up thing to do.

KellyC19 · 03/02/2019 13:29

And yeah the number of people who have condom free sex after a set period of time, - just because back set period of time has passed, with no screening; is crazy.

Bumblebee27 · 03/02/2019 13:33

We are all here to share life experiences and offer advice but my point is, nobody's life experience mirrors what the op is going through because it is her life with her partner who may be a serial cheat or may have made a terrible error that was a one off. We just don't know. So the 'he's done it before and will do it again' are just pointless, hurtful and unhelpful imo.

My view is that I can offer advice and share my own experience but I would never tell someone to leave a marriage or relationship as there are so many other factors to consider.

I'm not for one second making excuses, I know how painful this sort of a betrayal can be. My advice to the op would be look at all aspects of your relationship, is it worth saving? Or is it fundamentally flawed in other ways? If you decide you want to try and work things out it's time for a very frank discussion and he needs to know that anything like this will not be tolerated again. Your trust will be shattered and you'll feel terrible for a while but I have known people come back from worse. Good luck x

FTMapril2019 · 03/02/2019 13:36

Hope you're ok OP xx

notapizzaeater · 03/02/2019 13:38

Hope you're ok, what a sleaseball

MsDogLady · 03/02/2019 15:33

In my life, I would view it as:

He crossed the sacred line the moment he typed the first word.

ArcheryAnnie · 03/02/2019 15:54

He's a cheater and someone who is comfortable with paid rape. (And yes I know world is going to come back talking about ~choice and ~autonomy but I've know too many other women working in prostitution who say different.)

Either of those reasons would be enough for me to have him out of the door.

MsDogLady · 03/02/2019 15:56

He wanted something “more real than porn?” I would be concerned that he has been webcamming.

ShesABelter · 03/02/2019 16:00

Doesn't sound to me like he's actually visited one yet due to the cancelling the appointments and saying maybe in the future. Keeping options open if he gets the confidence to go through with it.

Don't believe the porn shit.

I honestly don't know what I'd do in your situation.

KellyC19 · 03/02/2019 16:02

He crossed the sacred line the moment he typed the first word.

My view would be this too - but I know it's easy when it's not you, your relationship, your partner, your family, your pain.

So sorry you're going through this op.

theworldistoosmall · 03/02/2019 16:46

ArcheryAnnie I'm not the only hooker on the site or even the only one who has commented on this post. But yea carry on with the generalisation bs based on a few people you know.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 03/02/2019 17:15

Oh and just because a person has fucked a prostitute doesn't mean that he has caught something. This really bugs me.

I would get an STI test if I thought my DH had sex with anyone and I would urge others who suspect infidelity to do the same.

The fact that the infidelity is with a sex worker is irrelevant.

BoglingToAswad · 03/02/2019 18:59

@ArcheryAnnie I'm sure if you start a thread to debate consensual prostitution we will all join you there, but this is really not the place.

SuziQ10 · 03/02/2019 19:20

OP, how are you feeling about all this now, having had little time to think?
How are you doing?

ArcheryAnnie · 03/02/2019 19:22

Bogling fair enough - it's just that "is OK with paid rape" would be one of my lines in the sand with a partner, and while I was typing, I noticed all the posts by world above. I've no interest in taking it further here.

OrchidInTheSun · 03/02/2019 19:25

Question for the working girls: if you could get the money and not have the sex, would you?

Closetbeanmuncher · 03/02/2019 19:30

The shit that spills from some peoples mouths when the get caught is ridiculous..

Presumably you wanted to have sex with him before this so what could be more "real" than that??

Porn doeent do it for him so now he's emailing hookers, and when emailing hookers doesn't do it for him then what?? Sleeping with hookers assuming he hasn't done that already.

I just fucking despair of some people, hes not fit to wipe your arse on IMO.