My frustration is getting bigger and bigger week by week.
I am 36 years old, have got a reasonably good job, small car, nice flat. I work quite hard, often till late hours.
I have a boyfriend of 3 years, who earns over 100k a year (that’s nearly 3x more than me), drives an 80k car, lives in another town but works in my town Monday to Friday.
Sorry to mention the salary and car value, but feel like this is important in the big picture.
Boyfriend has been staying with me, most weekdays for the past year and a half, Monday to Friday. This happened so unnoticeably, that I don’t even know how. It started with just one night a week, now he has taken over my flat. Often, when he doesn’t need to go to the office, he sets up an office in my kitchen, doing calls and spreading his laptops, phones, notepads, charging cords all over. I can’t access my fridge or make tea. I need to ask him to move constantly.
He uses my car a few times a week if he needs to run some errand or is going to the gym. He rarely comes in his car, as comes up by train. So having my car is very handy (for him)
I am paying all the household bills.
I just got a huge gas and electricity bill for the past 3 months, which I told him about. His response - wow that’s high. Has there been an increase ? Is the boiler broken? That’s it. Not a single word about helping me with paying the bill. He takes very long showers, and has the heating on full blast when I am not around.
When I come home from work, every light in every single room of my flat is on. That is 6 rooms including the hallway, and even the f*ing storage room ! Wtf. He just doesn’t care that I am paying for all of this.
Also, My car recently broke down, which I told him about, his response was- ‘you need to ring the garage’.That was it. No mention from him of sorting it out for me. He uses my car more than I do. I pay the insurance etc. He puts in petrol. But occasionally I do too.
He tells me he loves me all the time, and that I am the woman of his dreams. I feel so stupid writing this now, as he must be loving me for all the freeloading I think.
Honestly, I feel like I am being a cheap hotel in town. All the cleaning, bills and entertainment included.
He occasionally buys groceries, then looks so proud of himself telling me how much he likes to help out...
When we go out, he always pays the bill BUT I am quite sure, he claims it back as an expense from his company. So he doesn’t really spend anything.
When we go on holiday, he books and pays for everything. But I just feel like this is not enough.
I got to the point where I know, i can’t live like this, but how do I say he needs to ... leave?
I don’t even have a key to his house. Been there max 5 times in the last 3 years. Help