Heartbroken I will never have a 25 year wedding anniversary or a young marriage

[User444441]

My life is fine. I do things I enjoy. I have interests and hobbies and friends.

I haven’t met the right one and at 36 I feel like it’s all over.

I watched my friends marry in their twenties and most are still together now. They have all that to look back on as a couple. Even if I met someone now, we’d barely have a long history to our relationship even if we were lucky enough to have kids.

Life feels so meaningless.

I am 54 and single. Yes, I have one son, but he will be leaving home this year (all being well), and I am looking forward to that new freedom. Whilst simultaneously recognising my grief that 'my' boy is gone. As I celebrate his going.

This is life.

For every closed door are multiple ones waiting for a push.

I look at me at 36 and I don't recognise myself. You have no idea of what life has in store - embrace that.

Yikes, weirdly posted too soon!

Also wanted to add that my mother and father were married over 50 year. Dad died alone, Mum with her GP, a district nurse, and all her carers.

Don't live your life in expectation of a better future.

Thanks for all the posts. It is good to get some perspective sometimes.

The bottom line for me is that I feel like I’ve wanted a family for so long that now I’ve sort of realise actually that’s probably not going to happen. It’s a lonely place to be. I think I’d rather have gone for it with someone and done the family thing and then it not worked out than to have had nothing and never had a chance to know what that’s like.

I think I’d rather have gone for it with someone and done the family thing and then it not worked out than to have had nothing and never had a chance to know what that’s like.

It's easy to think that when you haven't experienced it not working out. It impacts life everyday.

But I’m sure nobody regrets having their children. So something good always comes of it.

I met DH when I was 40, we have been married 20 years this year, and have 2 children. I wasn't even looking for someone when I met him.

@user444441 I’ve not read the complete post but I agree, and I feel the same.
Lots of failed relationships, embraced the single life. My freinds who all have DC, say it’s all fine, you will find someone, we are alone too. But I don’t think they understand the pain of being this age, all alone, no DC, no one to share an experience with who has the unconditional love of a child or partner, share meal times with. Everyone around me is busy with their DP, getting married or with their DC.

But I’m sure nobody regrets having their children. So something good always comes of it.

I don't regret my kids. But exh does his best to ruin my life on a daily basis. I feel sorry for my kids having a dad like that. You have no clue the stress and pain it can cause. I regret inflicting such a father on my kids. It's caused them problems with their confidence, mental health, physical health.

It's easy to say you would rather have been through that. Because you haven't been, that's my point.

But I don’t think they understand the pain of being this age, all alone, no DC, no one to share an experience with who has the unconditional love of a child or partner, share meal times with. Everyone around me is busy with their DP, getting married or with their DC.

I doubt anyone really has unconditional love from a child or partner. I love my dad, sort of, but he's a selfish addict and I neither like nor respect him. Plenty of people I know have very difficult relationships with their families.

I do get where you're coming from. I'm in my 40s, single, and child free. I'm not saying this to be mean or unsympathetic.

But I’m sure nobody regrets having their children. So something good always comes of it.

I don't think they regret the children themselves. I think they often regret the circumstances around them and the life they've come to lead.

@belenus I’ve had a series of Mc and a Stillborn DD. I dealt with the pain, the relationship breakdown of it all, lives the single life, and watched my ex from the sidelines build a family. I have now just come out of a long term relationship where I had DSC.
I crave that family life, and it’s hard reflecting on my life when everyone around seems complete. My friends who are now mid 30s and single, don’t feel the same way as I do, and all admit that if they didn’t have their DC around they prob would.
I understand some people don’t have that relationship / love with the DP and DC, and that the EX can make life hard, but I would like the OP have that in a heartbeat.

36 is still young in terms of starting a family. I had my first DC around this age. I understand what you're saying, but tbh, in hindsight I'd have preferred to have waited and got together with someone more mature and sure of what they wanted later in life, rather than the immature person I built a life with. As I later found out (after becoming a sahm out of necessity, no job, kids, mortgage etc) he'd cheated earlier on in the relationship. I'd dearly love to be secure in a relationship where my partner never cheated on me. I doubt many ppl are ever 100% happy with the way their life has gone. The important thing is how you work on moving forward, not just looking at what you have (so far) missed out on.