Inheritance. Legal v Moral.

[headinhands]

This issue comes up from time to time and it's fascinating to watch the divide.

Sometimes an inheritance, while perfectly legal is viewed by some as not fair. For example, imagine my dad wrote his will several years ago. At that time my brother had a mortgage and I was renting.

He says in the will that any estate pays off the brothers mortgage first and then what's left is divided between me and my brother. Imagine my father dies but a year before I secured a mortgage. Now legally my brother can let it stand and allow his mortgage to be paid off with potentially nothing being left over. But is that fair in the colloquial sense? I'm fascinated by people who see it as black and white.

I'd like to understand the reasoning of people who see it as simply legal and don't get tied up with the potential familial issues.

I think anything other than splitting the inheritance equally between children is unfair. If all on good terms.

I would split an inheritance from my parents with my brother equally, if it was left in favour of me. The wishes of my dead parents would be less important to me than an ongoing relationship with my brother. I hope he would feel the same, if he didn't then I would certainly think less of him for it.

I was left nothing by my step mother who died after my father my 2 step sisters were left half each. I never got on with my mother but if my father had died last I would have got a equal share however My aunt thought my mother was very out of order over this and in turn left me her entire estate.
Both my step sisters were very adamant they would not share with me at the time but cried out that I was so bad when I would not share my aunts legacy to me 7 years later.
Funnily was no contact between us after step mother died and both only made contact after my aunt died.
Very happy to say my nieces see that both there mother’s actions were not fair in there eyes and fully supported my decisions.
I enjoy a good relationship with my nieces but no contact at all with my step sisters.i have helped both nieces one through university and one lives in a small cottage on my farm I’m very happy to have been able to do that.
At the time of my step mother dying I initally thought it was unfair however I realised that why should she leave me anything since she hated me all my life and accepted it and in some ways I was kind of happy as it meant I had nothing left to think of her over so it put an end to her in my life.

I think it should be split evenly between the DC whatever their circumstances. So even if one of my DC ends up wealthy and one ends up homeless I will leave them the same. not that I have anything to leave

The thing is though MaryJoyce it wouldn't have been her leaving you her own money, as presumably a good chunk of it came via your father's estate. That's where it seems unfair in my view as I'm sure your father would have hated to see you disinherited.

However, it's great that your aunt balanced it out a bit but what CFs of them to think they might be in with a share of that too.

Funny enough we had a 'will' conversation last night as my mum and step dad have just done there's as Macmillan offer a free will service in January!
Anyhow - they have done it in a way that if me or my siblings continue to have more children etc they will never be left out and have had it worded in a way that it will always be equal such as all assets to be split equal between the three of us and in event we aren't around then our share to be shared equal between our children (no names mentioned as who knows what will happen in future) they have also worded it that it's only to go to biological children/grandchildren as you read all sorts of horror stories!
Everyone is different though and have their reasons I guess...the worry is when people write a will at a time of indifference in families that are sorted later on, but the will not changes 🙈 my brother in law is a probate lawyer and you would be shocked at how people use a will as a weapon!!

Many people also do contest a will if they feel it isn't fair for reasons such as above. I was left in a will that took ages to come through as the son of the lady contested it as he was left nothing at all, and she left everything to neighbors, friends and RSPCA - he didn't win his case as he had not bothered at all with his mother for over 20 years!! No calls, no nothing! So the law did not side with him but sides with her wishes ❤️

But in reality I wouldn't find 'it's what my dad wanted' comforting enough when I now own my own home and inherited 8 times as much as my sibling.

It’s not really about what you find comforting though. It’s about carrying out someone’s wishes for what happens to their estate when they die.

It’s absolutely fine to have feelings about the way the will has been written and to deal with them in whichever way works for you.

My father and stepmother are splitting their estate where her sole son gets 50% and me and my two brothers on my dad’s side get a third of 50% each. She feels her family should get half and his family half. Not that it should be split four ways. Her son is in his fifties with property etc. I’m in my early thirties with no assets.

When they told me, I thought it seemed a little unfair as I’d have thought it more equitable to split amongst the four kids equally. But I didn’t feel any anger or animosity, it’s their money and if they chose to leave it all to their neighbour’s dog that’s their right. But I’ve never had the assumption I would inherit, as I don’t see my parents’ assets as mine to receive when they’re gone. I would see inheritance as a kind gift, lovely to receive it but not to be expected. So I’m grateful to receive anything at all if that’s what happens.

People who feel some kind of claim over their parents’ money and assets always come across weirdly grabby to me.

People who feel some kind of claim over their parents’ money and assets always come across weirdly grabby to me.

How would you do it if you were them? Would you divide it equally or as they have?

People who feel some kind of claim over their parents’ money and assets always come across weirdly grabby to me.

I'm not so much discussing where a parent's money goes per se, more about a disparity between siblings when siblings are inheriting.

My father and stepmother are splitting their estate where her sole son gets 50% and me and my two brothers on my dad’s side get a third of 50% each.

See that's odd to me. I have 4 dc. Two with dh two from previous. Both our wills leave it equally to all 4. My overriding thoughts when writing it were what is kindest and fairest. Dh didn't even need to think about it and also automatically split it equally between all 4.

My dh only has one sister who lives with their mother. His mother has always said that the house will go to her, as we have a house. Yes we have a house but we are mortgaged to the hilt and struggling. The sister has a good job and spends her money on nice handbags and shoes. She is too lazy to get her own place, it suits her to have her mum looking after her. It makes my blood boil that my dh will get nothing when his mum dies just because his sister can't be arsed to move out. I keep out of it though.

Wills causes all sorts of problems in the generation about my parents. People left legal will that when carried out meant that close family relationships were permanently severed.

Both my parents have individually arranged to reallocate inheritances left up them in a fairer manner in order not to perpetuate this nonsense.

Their own wills are scrupulously fair.

You’re assuming that everyone will be fair in order to maintain family relationships. Maybe your brother doesn’t give a shit about you and doesn’t care if you never speak to him again?

Maybe your brother doesn’t give a shit about you and doesn’t care if you never speak to him again?

I struggle to understand that people can feel like this unless the other has been abusive ?

I’m the eldest of 3 siblings. My DF and DM run a successful business, which my two siblings work for. They receive a large salary, and are set to inherit the business.

I however took my own career path, and am not insterested in the business. I know my DF and DM are stuck on what to do, as my Dsibs actively play a role in the company’s growth, but benefit from “inflated” salary’s for the role they do, due to their family connection. I sometimes think I should or just gone in to the business, as I would earn x3 times what I earn now, plus have flexible working, but I love my career and the fact I’ve made my own path.
It’s not Black and white, and is so confusing!

Surely they just leave you some shares in the company Duvet. Not a controlling interest obviously but enough to receive a dividend and a share of your DBS decided to sell out.

You could even agree that your shares can’t be passed on to the next generation and have to be sold back to the business on your death.

My sister married someone very, very wealthy and i didn't - we are comfortable but certainly not rich. My parents I know have still left us equal beneficiaries and I think that is fair.

My grandma died though recently and left my mum (only child) everything, when her house sells my mum intends to give me £150k now towards our mortgage and not to my sister - I will then get £150k less when my parents both die. My sister is also aware and happy with this as they don't need the money at all and it will make a huge difference to us.

I think all should be equal unless, as a pp said, there are care needs to be taken into consideration or parents are estranged from their children.

What about this will? This what a friend has done with her will - true story.
The will is split 6 ways - 1/6 th to each of her 3 DC and 1/6th to be split between the kids of each DC i.e. the grand children
So if it's an estate of 600k - her DC will each get £100k and then another £100k to split between their children/the DGC.
DC1 has 1 child- so this grandchild gets 100k.
DC2 has 2 - so these grandchildren get 50k each
And DC3 has 3 - so these grandchildren get 33k each.

Is that fair?

For me if I was writing the will, no. I couldn't knowingly favour 1 dgc like that indirectly. I'd prob split between dc and let the dc decide what to give their dc, the dgc.

My DM has tried to future proof her will. DB has a very precarious financial situation. It changes constantly and I understand that debts to the court are taken from inheritance. So his share would diminish if he had debts at that time. I agree with this in principle by the way. But why should a TV licence debt take precedence over rent arrears or a school dinners debt?

So DM has decided to leave it all to me. Am I have to sort it all out with everyone else. Not looking forward to that one but I know she feels better and less worried about how to deal with it now.

so his share would diminish if he had debts at that time.

So he'd have debts paid off. Isn't that good?

Just out of curiosity how are you thinking you'll sort it? Do you have other siblings?

I'm guessing the court fines as seen as more important as they've got that far without the other person sorting it. Like it may with the other debts?

@VietnameseCrispyFish ... is the assumption there that you will inherit from your mother as well as your father ... so your dad/stepmother split their assets 50:50 to be fair? I wouldn't leave anything to my (imaginary) stepkids, but would assume their own parents would give them their money. You are getting your dads money. Her child is getting her money. Your dad had more kids, therefore you inherit less each. Makes sense to me.

So DM has decided to leave it all to me. Am I have to sort it all out with everyone else.

I think you'd be wise to investigate the tax implications of that. Your brother (or any other beneficiary) would not have to pay tax on money if they inherit it direct from your mother but if you gift money over a certain amount it would be taxable (based on my layman's understanding).

Only if the giver dies within seven years of gift, and their estate are liable for iht anyway