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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Someone I thought was special

66 replies

Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 12:33

Hi, has anyone been in the situation where they have fallen in love with a mummy's boy and she is the one who eventually ends the relationship. When I was with my boyfriend, she could never leave him alone five minutes, without knowing where he is and what he is doing. Although I do respect the fact that family is close, I think she was so involved, that she became a party in our relationship. His Dad and brother were both welcoming but I don't think I lived up to his mum's expectations. I think it goes a bit far, when your boyfriend talks about his mum in bed and she texts to ask what his doing, just after having sex. Now I feel like I've been used for sex and that it was just a Christmas fling, when I really thought we had a future together. He even agreed that we did and that he would always love me. I still care about him, but I don't know why after I've been treated this way. He suffers with anxiety and I tried to be supportive but I feel this has been thrown back in my face. I tried to be as honest as possible about the fact that crying all the time would impact our relationship. He was the one I wanted to be with, but I couldn't provide him with a perfect life and I did tell him this. I always thought in relationships you should try and work through things, rather than running away. I don't think that he was left with no choice, either his mum or me.

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Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 12:37

There wasn't any intention to have sex neither, as I spoke to him previously about staying round and he said just as friends. I wanted to point that out to him. So we moved a spare bed into my room, with the thought that he would sleep in that bed.

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Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 12:40

Also his mum knew everything about me, before I could even say anything, which some of this was personal and I only wanted my boyfriend to know.

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WomanWithAltitude · 27/01/2019 12:42

It's not the mum that's the problem here, it's the bloke. He chose to tell her things about, chose to prioritise her over you.

I know it hurts, but it sounds like you've had a lucky escape. A decent bloke wouldn't betray your confidence like that.

Seniorschoolmum · 27/01/2019 12:54

Op, i’m Sorry you are feeling low but you have had a lucky escape.

I spent 3 years with my ex and looking back it was hell on Earth. His dm has a key to our home, she had a joint bank account with her son, she used to walk into our bedroom early on a Saturday morning without knocking. She used to take my clothes & pretend to be me on the phone. She tried to gatecrash when we went to dinner with friends. She used to buy his pants when he was 40.

She was completely narcissistic and their relationship was unhealthy to say the least.

Go and find someone lovely, and sane. You deserve better.

Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 16:20

Thank you both. And I know that feeling the parents walking in the bedroom without even knocking. I do deserve better, in the end its his loss. I do wonder whether he is allowed to be happy or if he will ever grow up.

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showmeshoyu · 27/01/2019 18:51

I do wonder whether he is allowed to be happy or if he will ever grow up.

I'd leave that one for the philosophers, move on and enjoy your life with somebody who has actually grown up.

Bombardier25966 · 27/01/2019 18:54

How long were you with this person? You talk about a Christmas fling but then you say you were in love with him?

HellonHeels · 27/01/2019 19:04

One of my relatives was like this with her son. No one was ever good enough for him and she constantly interfered. He finally married after his mother died.

GreenThing · 27/01/2019 19:08

How long were you with him?

You can see him (and his mother) being a bit 'WTF?!' if you are talking about Christmas 2018. Grin

Walnutwhipster · 27/01/2019 20:36

You describe yourself as a Christmas fling and you didn't sleep together. If that is Christmas just gone you're being as OTT as they are.

Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 20:58

Walnutwhipster- yes we did sleep together, how am I being OTT.

Green Thing- long enough to know his mother dictated the relationship. Why would his mother and him be like WTF?

Bombardier 25966- yes he treated it as a Christmas fling, despite us telling each other that we loved each other. I never wanted it to be just something that happened over Christmas.

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missxdivine · 27/01/2019 21:09

From bitter experience, it never works out with a mummy's boy Hmm

Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 21:18

OTT is when your sitting down with your family and then your boyfriend starts screaming and crying for no apparent reason and your left comforting him wondering what the hell has just happened and then he runs straight out to his car without no goodbye nothing.

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Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 21:33

Thanks for your support missxdivine, I think I have come to that realisation.

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missxdivine · 27/01/2019 21:56

No judgement here at all, just know that you deserve better Thanks

Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 22:55

thanks missxdivine

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Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 22:58

HellonHeels- I think that will be the time he realises, but then everyone he has ever loved will have been and gone.

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Someone12345 · 27/01/2019 23:14

Do you think I will ever find happiness again? When I was sure that he was the one. I cant believe that we even spoke about marriage and children. How long should you wait to meet someone new?

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WomanWithAltitude · 28/01/2019 07:01

It sounds like you were only together for a month. Is that right?

WomanWithAltitude · 28/01/2019 07:06

Because if it was just one (or two) months, then you got in way too deep too soon.

As for how long before you move on? Whenever you're ready. But if you aren't capable of protecting yourself emotionally from love bombing, I would seek counselling first.

Jumping into 'love' and talking about marriage after such a short time with a man is not sensible, and will not lead anywhere good for you.

SeaEagleFeather · 28/01/2019 07:47

Do you think I will ever find happiness again?

this is the key to all this isn't it? screaming and crying, running away, mummy's boy .... dear god you are really lucky it didn't work out.

There are sane, unfucked up men out there (he wasn't one!) but what your sentance implies is that you can't be happy without a man. I think you need to look at that. Be content in yourself first and then look at dating. If you're content in yourself, you'll judge better, you'll be happier in your own skin and life and then things have a funny way of working out.

Someone12345 · 28/01/2019 15:23

WomanWithAltitude- I don't think its me that wants counselling, all I did was fall in love. Although we both thought the relationship moved too fast, but I wanted to slow things down and I made this known.

Thank you SeaEagleFeather for your advice because a man should only compliment my life not control it.

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SeaEagleFeather · 28/01/2019 15:59

... and most certainly his mother shouldn't control your life either! lol

Someone12345 · 28/01/2019 16:11

Thanks SeaEagleFeather- not a chance, she controls her sons life enough, no wonder why he suffers with anxiety.

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Someone12345 · 28/01/2019 16:15

I think I see too much of the good side in people tbh

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