Someone I thought was special

[Someone12345]

Hi, has anyone been in the situation where they have fallen in love with a mummy's boy and she is the one who eventually ends the relationship. When I was with my boyfriend, she could never leave him alone five minutes, without knowing where he is and what he is doing. Although I do respect the fact that family is close, I think she was so involved, that she became a party in our relationship. His Dad and brother were both welcoming but I don't think I lived up to his mum's expectations. I think it goes a bit far, when your boyfriend talks about his mum in bed and she texts to ask what his doing, just after having sex. Now I feel like I've been used for sex and that it was just a Christmas fling, when I really thought we had a future together. He even agreed that we did and that he would always love me. I still care about him, but I don't know why after I've been treated this way. He suffers with anxiety and I tried to be supportive but I feel this has been thrown back in my face. I tried to be as honest as possible about the fact that crying all the time would impact our relationship. He was the one I wanted to be with, but I couldn't provide him with a perfect life and I did tell him this. I always thought in relationships you should try and work through things, rather than running away. I don't think that he was left with no choice, either his mum or me.

@someone12345 I was early 20s too, (now mid 30s) and at the beginning I didn’t see the red flags. It was a few incidents and things that made me think this isn’t right, that took me to see the huge red flag.
Everything to what he ate, she commented on. We worked in the same building, and she was in work twice a day minimum checking on him. He spoke to her every night before he went to sleep, and first thing in the morning.
Lesson learnt, and next time you’ll be aware of the red flag.

Thankyou Duvetday2day for your advice and input. Yes she was texting him first thing in the morning, asking what we were doing, just after sex.

Thank you Miane for our comment and I like that line. Although I was comforting him with tears most of the time and our relationship at the beginning was very intense and magical (a lot of public affection of kissing...).

I still love him and I don't understand why anyone would give up at the first hurdle in a relationship. I wish I could change things.

My ex dh was like this - he even discussed out sex life (or lack of it) with her and thought it was ok for her to then question me about it! Run for your life!

Thank you Blushingm, yes he discussed everything with her, where we went, what we did, what we drank/ate etc.. but what bothered me was the questions about my family life and the fact that apparently I didn't drink alcohol because when I was out I didn't fancy a cocktail. Didn't realise I had to drink alcohol every time I went out!

You knew him one month
One month
He is not the love of your life. Don’t over analyse this
And for gods sake, don’t let yourself be dragged into some fucked up game with a bloke like this again.

I think the reason for his crying is because of his anxiety

And it isn’t your job to fix this.

For your next relationship... remember this.

Zwischenwasser- thank you for your advice, no it wasn't my job to fix it. You are meant to support each other in relationship though. I just wanted him to know I was there, to rely on and to seek help if that's what he wanted. There is no way I would have left him just because of anxiety.

Travisandthemonkey- we both loved each other very much, well so I thought, that's what I got from his actions if you know what I mean. Probably loved him more though. But no I wont get in this situation again thanks.

He made you feel that you loved him.
It’s called love bombing. Look it up.
It’s not real.

This is a lucky escape.

thank you Travisandthemonkey.

Travisandthemonkey- is that why he couldn't keep his hands of me at the beginning of our relationship and kept snogging me all the time. How could I have got it all wrong and believed he loved me? Now he just pretends I don't exist anymore.

You are meant to support each other in relationship though. I just wanted him to know I was there, to rely on and to seek help if that's what he wanted

Yes, but it’s a fine line and if I could give my younger self some advice it would be ‚‘dont set yourself alight to keep someone else warm‘

I can’t give young me advice, so I mope around on Mumsnet wailing ‚‘beware!beware‘ instead and hope someone benefits!

He set me alight in the end. thanks for your advice.

It’s not about you getting it wrong. It’s about you wanting to believe something so desperately.
Have worth in yourself. Believe that yes, you can fall for someone very quickly, but when they show their true colours make sure you have enough for yourself left over. Never give yourself to someone entirely, never put your whole life in someone’s hands. Because the best friend you have is yourself.

thank you Travisandthemonkey, I feel that I did give him my all. I felt like he was my world. I never saw us splitting apart an option, but how can you cope with crying all the time. That's exactly what happened, I fell for him so quickly, that I kind of thought it was too good to be true. Then problem after problem showed after I stayed at his house. But talking about your mum in bed isn't normal, I don't think.

I will never ever give all of myself to anyone again, thank you.