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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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OH attacked me but I can't leave tonight (pic)

414 replies

youjustdontunderstand · 24/01/2019 21:57

Threw DS high chair at me then hit me with a remote. I have a job interview tomorrow I've already rearranged it so that's not an option and I need this job.

I have packed up all our things and hid them I can't have him know we are leaving.

Really worried about this cut being visible tomorrow! Sad

OP posts:
Redglitter · 25/01/2019 12:45

And will people PLEASE STOP THE SMS ringing police in secret bullshit -IT DOESNT WORK in the uk

Actually its not bullshit and it does work but your phone must be registered for the service.

Mammabear88 · 25/01/2019 12:47

Oh hunny. I have been where you are. Only the one child though not two. If I could have my time over again I would have called the cops and had him charged. It went to court, my ex got me to drop the charges against him. I thankfully got to my sisters the day after we had one of our usual spats, I had been king hit and was severely bruised. I was young and naive. I wish so badly that I could of had the guy locked up, even overnight. But same deal, he professed his love and that he was sorry and would never hurt me again (it wasn't like it was the only time, just the first that there was physical evidence) I really hope to hear that you got to your Mums and your DC are safe. Lock the bastard up!!!

TaighNamGastaOrt · 25/01/2019 13:22

This is harrowing to read and see. OP, I so hope you have managed to get out with your kiddies.
Look after yourself, you deserve so much more Flowers

Motoko · 25/01/2019 13:29

I hope you've contacted the police by now, and gone to your mum's. Unfortunately, there are many of us who have been through this, so we know what it's like, but also, what will happen if you sweep this under the carpet.

You need to understand that you are in danger of your life. 2 women each week are killed at the hands of their partners or ex partners. Don't become a statistic, and leave your children without their mum.

Whatever he promises is a lie, do not fall for them, apologies, tears, begging, it's all lies to get you back, and the violence will get worse and worse.

Do not go back to the house to collect your things unless you are accompanied by the police. Don't even go with your mum, or he might hurt her too.

It worries me that you've gone from going to the police after the interview, yet now you're saying you'll ring them when at your mum's. Now that the immediate danger is past, it sounds like you're going to put off contacting them. Do not sweep this under the carpet! You MUST contact the police and get him charged. Also, contact the helpline a pp linked to above, to get an injunction.

rytonsister · 25/01/2019 13:46

The sms thing is always trotted our to anyone on these threads and as op have pointed out you have to be registered. It's not automatic.

This is my worry. It's misinformation if you are not registered and seriously- how many people know they need to register?

Op hope you are ok and with your mum by now.

Jux · 25/01/2019 13:57

One foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

Are you safe? I don't mean "is he at work?", I mean are you and the children out, at your mum's/a friend's/a hitel/a refuge - somewhere he can't get to you?

Wherever you are, can you get to an A&E or a gp? You need to get your wounds documented. I know this is a lot to do, a lot to take on board. Please try to do these things:

Call Women's Aid.
Call Police and report him.
See a doctor.

Of these, try WA first (their lines can be busy so keep trying in between doing other stuff). I say WA as you need real life support, and they know everything there is to know about dv; other organisatio do too so if another is recommended that's fine. The imortant things is too get dv help in rl.

AppleBlossomArseCheeks · 25/01/2019 14:07

Hope you are okay and been checked out aswell as reporting it to the police xx

MrsJDornan · 25/01/2019 14:11

I hope you and your children got to your mums ok Thanks

Ucangourownwoo · 25/01/2019 16:06

The sms thing is always trotted our to anyone on these threads and as op have pointed out you have to be registered. It's not automatic.

This- the service is primarily for deaf and hard of hearing. They've said they couldn't cope if it were used by everyone (that said, I'd urge anyone who has experienced domestic violence to register)..

user1489792710 · 25/01/2019 16:24

Another faceless stranger sending you love and courage Thanks.

staydazzling · 25/01/2019 16:40

So glad your safe OP dont feel bad at all about the OP I think it would have been unwise to go in this instance, i hope you get to safety soon and your kids and the police deal with that bastard!! Angry

Dvg · 25/01/2019 17:02

Any update? :( scared for you x

Smotheroffive · 25/01/2019 17:21

OP, you have posted very worrying incidents here, there is no pressure to talk, to do anything you don't want to do, you just need to know what's available for you, like essential external support from WA who definitely will not pressure you into anything, that you can make your report to police anonymously if you want, but at least its recorded, that you can have access to a life outside that doesn't involve 24 hr abuse.

He will know where you all are whilst you are at your DMS, I assume he's back now?

Just know it matters to others that you suffer this way, as you can see from all the worried pps.

Strength, and determination, you will get through this, by reaching out, feeling the support and validation for your struggles.

imip · 25/01/2019 17:53

Op, I’m also the child of a dc relationship and wishing you the very best. I’m now 47, but still feel traumatised by everything I’ve seen. I’ve seen my dad beat up my mum so many times. She never left him, and now at 69 and suffering from early onset dementia, she is still with him. He punched her recently and she now has a detached retina. I had to pull away from my family years ago. Mum would never leave him and all my siblings suffer in some form still (two actually still live at home with them).

IShitGlitter · 25/01/2019 19:17

Hope you are safe tonight OP Flowers

wigglypiggly · 25/01/2019 19:26

Hope you and your DC are safe. IMIP, has your dad been reported for abuse yet.

Wateringhole · 25/01/2019 19:26

Hope you're ok x

beansontoastfortea · 25/01/2019 20:08

Thinking of you op

Smotheroffive · 25/01/2019 20:26

Why didn't he ever stop, should be thquestion. I am sick of DMS being blamed for being trapped and battered. You literally never actually hear ppl say, why didn't he stop, why did nobody ever take him out. No, its why didn't she leave, dumbfounded that women are still blamed for male abuse, still now. Disgusting carry on. That so many still don't get it.

imip · 25/01/2019 20:35

No wiggly I don’t live in the same country and am v low contact.

smother you’re right. I spent many terrible years blaming my mum for not leaving, esp after I had kids and really struggled with my upbringing. Then, of course, I realised why the fuck did my dad had to be a cunt?

MakeItAmazing · 25/01/2019 20:48

I hope you are safe.

Spikecity · 25/01/2019 21:18

Thinking of you OP, any update?

Donnas146 · 25/01/2019 21:29

Please get out op.
Have you ever watched murdered by my boyfriend? It was a true story and he abused her repeatedly and got back with him and he beat her to death. Please just leave him and go to the police text someone you trust to get you so you are not alone, what a vile piece of shit. It’s easier said than done I know I’ve been there myself but for your own sake and your daughter leave him right now x I hope you are ok x

Donnas146 · 25/01/2019 21:30

My mistake son I mean x

rytonsister · 25/01/2019 21:40

op said she had had to call police before but yet stayed put for this incident. something tells me she wont update.