Narcissistic Sister In Law Trying To Control Family!!!

[MummyPeach1]

My sister in law is once again using her narcissistic abilities to try and control things in her favour. My DH and I have a baby gender reveal house party planned. We planned it with over a months notice for family guests and have done our best to cater for them all to share the moment with us!

We knew that SIL (in her 30's)& NIL (age 15/16) (would be grumps about it all because SIL got pregnant under 18 by an already married man and has raised the child poorly and at my mother in laws house. We have our own house and everyone seems to be very happy for us (hence the party) 🥳Niece is a very nasty person and jealous of our unborn child already!! So I know it’s partly down to jealousy.

SIL has decided that she can’t come ‘because she is working’ but her work days only last till 2pm and Party is at 5pm onwards and NIL has decided now that she wants to come (despite the fact that Saturday nights is when she goes off drinking underage and does other things till the early hours of the morning) we’ve put it down to the NIL being jealous at my parents in law positive reactions to the baby, she likes to ruin other people's happiness that’s the type of person she is.

What’s really got my mama hackles up is the fact that the SIL is demanding that my mother in law give her a virtual tour of OUR home via FaceTime & that my mother in law FaceTime her at the EXACT moment of the gender reveal and I’m angry because of the comments that she is likely to make on the phone in front of my family and our friends and also will try and keep mother in law distracted on the phone to her to take the attention away from the baby!!

Please trust me when I say I know this woman’s motives, I lived in the room next door to hers for 2 years, she mentally and emotionally tortured me into a mental breakdown and her daughter is the physical and violent one. We moved out of the house a few months ago because of these people so please don’t try and tell me that they are doing something positive by being involved, they are passive aggressively trying to control my family!!

Does anyone know of a way that I can better the situation? I was thinking that she can have a FaceTime tour of the house BEFORE the party starts (as I don’t ever want her here anyway) but I want to convince my mother in law for her to be present with us at the reveal moment and not on FaceTime, my SIL has chosen not to be present or even had the decency to contact us so I'm not happy with making her feel like she's there or involved. I was thinking of possibly saying something like this to mother in law “just text her the gender results, we want to be able to hug you straight after”

Please be kind I’m a hormonal pregnant woman 🤰🏽

Gender revealing is a big deal now eh? I don't get it but if people are willing to make a big of fuss at any time in your life I think its quite nice...any excuse for a party really.
That said it's when people start to take it hugely seriously that it becomes concerning.
Try to see it as a party (with a Little aside being that you will be telling people what you are having) as opposed to this big seismic moment in your life and that of your unborn child op.When looked at like that does it matter if your SIL doesn't come or your MIL FaceTimes her from the party? Not really surely?

Clearly you don't like your SIL or niece much. Fair enough. So avoid them and just be polite when you see them, no more, no less and it's job done isnt it? They then have no effect on your life and you need not think about them to any degree.

as I don’t ever want her here anyway

Yet you invited her and are pissed she's not coming.

So desperate for your MILs undivided attention. The MIL who raised the SIL you hate and judge for her teenage years, and who must have played a massive part in raising the niece you speak so lowly of...

Work on your empathy and humility skills before coming a parent. You are seriously devoid of either.

So, once you've "revealed" the sex of your new baby, you'll hug your mil? That's if it's a boy. But also if it's a girl.

--What's the fucking point?__

Try being nice to NIL. She won't expect it and you may find a small child can become a lovely young lady.
Maybe give her a gift, a Teddy from the baby.... You never know she might like being thought of as grown up.

Your SIL does sound odd, as if she wants to control what's going on...Facetiming during the party that she "can't" attend...that's weird.
Just say no, you'd like everyone there to enjoy the party and not be fiddling about with their phones!

Re. your NIL. Teenagers can be unpleasant and she's not had an easy upbringing. She's a child, OP, so have some empathy and try to be nice to her. She'll grow out of her teenage unpleasantness and if you're kind to her now, she's remember that in the future.

Let her enjoy the party and include her in everything. She may feel that your baby will be a threat to her, but they won't, of course. If she feels included, she may even want to help out and learn about parenting from you (esp. if her own Mum wasn't the greatest). She could even be a great babysitter in a few years!

Families can be so awkward, but a little kindness goes a long way.

God some people are mean.

Gender reveals are incredibly popular and its very rare people keep the sex of the baby a secret nowadays & it's a lovely way to get the whole family excited about the new arrival.

Anyway @MummyPeach1 just ignore the SIL. Unfortunately she's in the family and she's not going anywhere and will always be around. As for the Niece, she may surprise you and not be a brat on the day.

This is your day, your baby, please enjoy it 💕

The way you talk of your niece is off key. However she isn't your daughter and may be influenced by her mum, so I'm thinking if she isntnice to you why are you obliged to be nice and accomodating to her...? She's not a baby. Being civil is best tho

Your SIL can't be asked to come to your party so why should proceedings be interrupted so she can be face timed and also heard making bitchy comments to spoil the moment? If she's not there then she can get on with whatever else she's chosen to do instead.

I have a bitchy sister that my mum bends over backwards to accommodate even tho it makes her miserable really - so, I get what you mean. My mum would never dare to say No if my sister demanded this type of thing.

It wouldn't happen tho - because Id say no, and mean it. There'd be no face timing that's for sure.

You're not wrong to be happy about your baby and to want a party to celebrate that, so don't let anyone convince you that you are.

Congrats on baby & enjoy your party

You don't like your sil which is your choice and you may have good reason for. But your niece is a child. She didn't choose to be conceived and she hasn't chosen how to be brought up. They way you talk about her is horrible. If your sil has heard how you speak about her daughter I wouldn't blame her for not wanting to be in the same room as you.

Ok. This one is tricky, because I hear you saying there is a huge backstory in which your SIL is unreasonable, but all I have to go on is what you gave described here, and if you take it at face value it looks as though she is not being unreasonable, and you are. It sounds like she just wants to be included, and you sound very disdainful of her and your DN. I accept that there may well be more to it.

@littleV58 "get the family excited"

If having a baby doesn't do that without some American style party, then you have a problem

@Mummylife2018 😂😂 I & a lot of other people have serious problems then 😂😂

OP ask for opinions on the SIL, not whether people like, or agree with gender reveals