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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Narcissistic Sister In Law Trying To Control Family!!!

61 replies

MummyPeach1 · 24/01/2019 10:46

My sister in law is once again using her narcissistic abilities to try and control things in her favour. My DH and I have a baby gender reveal house party planned. We planned it with over a months notice for family guests and have done our best to cater for them all to share the moment with us!

We knew that SIL (in her 30's)& NIL (age 15/16) (would be grumps about it all because SIL got pregnant under 18 by an already married man and has raised the child poorly and at my mother in laws house. We have our own house and everyone seems to be very happy for us (hence the party) 🥳Niece is a very nasty person and jealous of our unborn child already!! So I know it’s partly down to jealousy.

SIL has decided that she can’t come ‘because she is working’ but her work days only last till 2pm and Party is at 5pm onwards and NIL has decided now that she wants to come (despite the fact that Saturday nights is when she goes off drinking underage and does other things till the early hours of the morning) we’ve put it down to the NIL being jealous at my parents in law positive reactions to the baby, she likes to ruin other people's happiness that’s the type of person she is.

What’s really got my mama hackles up is the fact that the SIL is demanding that my mother in law give her a virtual tour of OUR home via FaceTime & that my mother in law FaceTime her at the EXACT moment of the gender reveal and I’m angry because of the comments that she is likely to make on the phone in front of my family and our friends and also will try and keep mother in law distracted on the phone to her to take the attention away from the baby!!

Please trust me when I say I know this woman’s motives, I lived in the room next door to hers for 2 years, she mentally and emotionally tortured me into a mental breakdown and her daughter is the physical and violent one. We moved out of the house a few months ago because of these people so please don’t try and tell me that they are doing something positive by being involved, they are passive aggressively trying to control my family!!

Does anyone know of a way that I can better the situation? I was thinking that she can have a FaceTime tour of the house BEFORE the party starts (as I don’t ever want her here anyway) but I want to convince my mother in law for her to be present with us at the reveal moment and not on FaceTime, my SIL has chosen not to be present or even had the decency to contact us so I'm not happy with making her feel like she's there or involved. I was thinking of possibly saying something like this to mother in law “just text her the gender results, we want to be able to hug you straight after”

Please be kind I’m a hormonal pregnant woman 🤰🏽

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 24/01/2019 10:48

Just switch the router off.
Job done.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 24/01/2019 10:51

Oops wifi is down. Job done.

MummyPeach1 · 24/01/2019 10:53

Love it! Thank you guys

OP posts:
UnderMajorDomoMinor · 24/01/2019 10:53

Won’t mil say no? Tell mil ‘no that’s weird. Sil can visit and actually see house sonetime’

Tissunnyupnorth · 24/01/2019 10:58

I think your attitude to your niece is unpleasant. I hope it doesn’t come back to bite you when you have a teenager. You think your SIL is trying to take your MIL’s attention away from your baby at the ‘reveal’ moment? Hmm

ecuse · 24/01/2019 11:07

Turning off WiFi won't work they'll probably just use mobile data. Just ask your MIL not to.

But - really, have a think about how you talk about your niece, a child. Your post makes you sound snobby, cold and arrogant.

Also try to remember - your baby is super exciting for you and your partner of course, and rightly so, but it really, REALLY isn't for everyone else. If you insist on dragging everyone over for a gender reveal party you need to understand they'll be coming because they love you and want to support you, or because they feel slightly obliged, but they honestly will not be dying with excitement to find out your future baby's sex. Hence, they will not all be feeling it is quite the sacred, spiritual moment that you feel it to be.

Miane · 24/01/2019 11:11

Get your DH to speak to his Mum and say no to both tour and FaceTime.

chestylarue52 · 25/01/2019 21:29

In the kindest way possible your last paragraph sounds a bit overbearing. It's a hugely exciting moment for you both but I really doubt everyone else feels the same. Forcing everyone to take part in the magic just seems a bit much.

Closetbeanmuncher · 25/01/2019 22:18

The way you are speaking about your niece sounds awful....She didn't choose the way she was concieved or the way she was parented.

She's obviously not had a nice upbringing so why don't you try taking her under your wing instead of being precious and snotty?

Sunnydays78 · 25/01/2019 22:32

“Her daughter is the physical and violent one”
“We have our own house”
“Everyone seems to be happy for us (hense the party)”
You seem like you are trying to somehow make your unborn child out to be more wanted than your niece. Your niece is a child maybe if you involved her she’d feel no need to be jealous and join in the excitement with you. Your post comes across as arrogant and a bit like you think you’re better than your sil and in turn your child will be better than hers. Very unpleasant

GloomyMonday · 25/01/2019 22:36

SIL has said she can't make it because she's working. Presumably this must be true as she will be FaceTiming from work. If she wasn't interested or wanted to snub you wouldn't she just ignore the whole thing?

DN also has a cast iron excuse to stay away since her mum isn't attending, but is coming.

They just don't sound that bad to me. In fact the way you talk about your niece says more about you. One day you'll have a teenager yourself you know.

And actually, what harm does it do if your mil is FaceTiming sil at the moment of the reveal?

As an aside, gender reveals are a bit tacky really aren't they? No one cares except the parents.

GloomyMonday · 25/01/2019 22:38

SIL has said she can't make it because she's working. Presumably this must be true as she will be FaceTiming from work. If she wasn't interested or wanted to snub you wouldn't she just ignore the whole thing?

DN also has a cast iron excuse to stay away since her mum isn't attending, but is coming.

They just don't sound that bad to me. In fact the way you talk about your niece says more about you. One day you'll have a teenager yourself you know.

And actually, what harm does it do if your mil is FaceTiming sil at the moment of the reveal?

As an aside, gender reveals are a bit tacky really aren't they? No one cares except the parents.

Jess74 · 25/01/2019 22:41

Sorry, who did you say was the narcissist?

Wink
StubbleTurnips · 25/01/2019 22:46

The words mama hackles are hideous. Gender reveal party sounds like hell on earth as well to be honest so I would decline too.

You don’t describe your niece in pleasant terms, you’re the adult here not her. And you know what.... your kids are important to you - but to most other people they don’t really care.

I realise you’re pregnant, so a swift get off the phone MIL should do it. You are far too over invested in SIL motives / pettiness, enjoy your pregnancy and baby and don’t give a fuck about anyone else. Or it’ll eat you up:

2cats2many · 25/01/2019 22:48

Maybe your SIL is a difficult woman, and maybe your niece isn't the easiest if teenagers to be around, but you sound like you need to take the energy around this whole party down a few notches. You really aren't coming across too well.

Also, sex reveal parties are just cringeworthy. I always imagine that they're held by total bridezilla types who don't understand why everyone isn't as excited as them about the event.

greendale17 · 25/01/2019 22:51

I wouldn’t invite the SIL or Niece. They sound as barmy as each other. I wouldn’t want the violent, jealous Niece anywhere near my baby.

wishingforapositiveyear · 25/01/2019 22:51

You don't sound too nice yourself .

wishingforapositiveyear · 25/01/2019 22:51

Mama heckles 😷

NotStayingIn · 25/01/2019 22:53

As you're a hormonal pregnant woman I'll try and be kind, but I have to admit, it's a bit hard.

This is just such a bafflingly bizarre post that I don't even know where to start. Do you seriously think that the gender reveal is of such significance to others? Your post makes it sound like you are about to reveal the solution to world poverty or something. It's utterly bizarre. All this being present for the reveal, being free to hug straight after, implying people are jealous of you, being worried someone 'will try and keep mother in law distracted on the phone to her to take the attention away from the baby!!', what the hell is going on here? You are ridiculously over-invested in this gender reveal party and its importance. I'm not even going to comment on the other things raised in the post cause quite frankly, it's impossible to work out who is more bonkers. (Sorry, that really is me buying nice about the whole situation.)

Caticorn · 25/01/2019 22:54

Jesus you sound vile.

delboysskinsandblister · 25/01/2019 22:55

@MummyPeach1

I completely get where you are coming from. As they say 'Nothing Succeeds Like Success'

You have to focus on your best time and happy gender reveal and ignore their bad behaviour. It's like dealing with a toddler reward the good behaviour and ignore the bad.

Do they really HAVE to be invited at all? How does your MIL and DH get on with them or feel about their involvement. DO they see their behaviour? It's not good to be stressed and you need support from DH and MIL.

NotStayingIn · 25/01/2019 22:55

being not buying, sorry can't spell tonight!

HolyMountain · 25/01/2019 22:57

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I think that’s the only positive thing I can say , all of you sound difficult to be honest.

Walnutwhipster · 25/01/2019 23:47

It sounds very childish all round. I wouldn't go to a party to reveal the sex of a child. They make me cringe. The circumstances under which a child is conceived doesn't make it any more or less special.

SmellsLikeAdultSpirit · 25/01/2019 23:55

Who is the narcissist Hmm