I don't know how to stop being controlling

[louise824]

I've been with my partner 8 years and we have lived together for 3 with a mortgage.

I am controlling. I check his phone, have his passwords to everything. I check his internet history. I don't like him spending 1:1 alone time with single female women but I am OK about some of his close relationships with married women. I have stopped him having any contact with his ex's. I don't like him smoking. I don't like him gambling. I don't like him staying out late with friends but always going to bed early with me. We have some debt so I have took control of all finances and stop him spending money on things he wants to like PT training sessions £10 a go when he already has a gym membership, or sky sports when we already have BT.

I want to somehow make this relationship work and not throw in the towel. I would like to spend the rest of my life with him and even if I ended things I know I will just be the exact same with the next person who comes along. Is there any way through this?

@NotUmbongoUnchained If a male Op posted that his female partner had made a point of looking up her exes on facebook, made no effort to help reduce a huge amount of debt and had gambling issues, the opinions given here would be the same - why wouldn't they?

I was similar to you. I've recently had a lot of therapy which has helped me to change.
Even if my dh was not fulfilling the relationship how I wanted, this kind of behaviour is not acceptable and if you can get some counselling or therapy and willing to change, you will feel much better.
What helped me change was my therapist asking how I would feel if my dh was doing it to me. How would you feel, if your dh was doing it to you and monitoring what you were doing ? I encourage you to think about it.