Does this sound right or is it me?

[babayjane67]

Been with dp 11 yrs.we have one DD.
We were chatting about jobs&work as DD gets older.shes 10.
Hes got a good full time job&I work part time.
He said when DD is at secondary school u will be able to look for another job with more hrs then I can drop the amount of hrs I'm doing!
I said well that doesn't sound right! I don't want to go bk to working 9 to 5 5/6 days a week again.i said I don't mind doing 3/4 days a week with more hrs.he huffed&puffed a bit.said it'll be good if he can drop his hrs&I do more!
Why should I have to work more hrs just so he can do less?? Doesn't make sense to me.i bet I'd still have to do all the housework too! He says he'd help more if I was doing more hrs but then he said he'd walk the dog more if we'd got a puppy instead of the lovely rescue dog we've got! He never takes her out or comes out with us on a walk!
He will wash&sometimes wipe up&do some washing in his days off but if I ask him to do it or help wash up while I wipe on a working day he acts like I've asked him to cut his right arm off&doesn't do it!!
He won't even make his own sandwiches for work the next day!!
Sorry I'm waffling now!there's a few things going on&have been for a while on&off that I find difficult to address with him.
Do u think it sounds strange him asking me to do more hrs&him dropping his?

Dancerz I could try that with the loo brush I suppose&see what happens but I really don't like them. Am prepared to try though&see if he will actually use it!
Yes communication &any kind of intimacy is very difficult between us.hes never been a great talker hates small talk etc.i have tried talking to him about it as I've said before he just keeps either blanking it or goes in the defensive&throws it bk on me!
Counselling would probably be a good idea but I'm not sure he'd go for it.
Rumred no I know.just feel like a failure though.

Exactly bethy!

that is ridiculous he can't walk his own dog and make a sandwich.

He sounds like a lazy shit and added to that is aggressive when you try to talk to him.

I agree with a PP who said he probably thinks you’ve had an easy time of it being part time (when actually you’ve been doing far more than him) and now want to go part time so he can “sit around all day” or whatever he thinks you’ve been doing.

A man who won’t clean his own shit is not going to do his fair share of house work/parenting.

You’d end up upping your paid work hours but I can guarantee from what you’ve said he wouldn’t take on any of the unpaid work you do.

You're probably right Hecky.im up&down knowing what to do to be honest.try&talk to him again I guess IF he will!

Oi stop the failure talk. To objective bystanders you look/sound like a strong woman who has reached a point where she is reviewing what's going on. That takes courage. We were brought up to see marriage as sacrosanct. It isn't, but I know how hard it is to change that belief. But you can. Maybe counselling for you would be useful
And making sandwiches for someone is such a lovely thing to do, he doesn't know he's born

Bless u rumred thanks! I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination! We aren't married just live together but I hear what you're saying.

We're none of us perfect. Being decent is what matters, do as you would be done by.
I hope you look after yourself and get a good resolution to your issues

OP I understand your original question was about hours. However I think it's important to recognise that from the way you speak about your relationship there are some deep underlying issues and you need to have a think about whether you want to work through it or not.

People saying about being childish etc. It may appear childish but it's all this passive aggressive sh!t that comes out when you're trying to bury problems.

I understand you have a child but question whether it's better for her to grow up with two bickering parents or separate happy ones.

Life is too short to be unhappy so you need to deal with this one way or another IMO.

Thanks rumred I appreciate that.
Flower I know we have to try&work through our problems we have.as I've said I have tried in the past but without success.i will try&talk to him again though about things&see if we can resolve anything.id like to be able for us to sort things out like adults&to have a long&happy life together.it does scare me a bit to try again&also to think of being on my own again with dd if things don't get resolved.this is the longest relationship I've had!
Does anyone know how easy it is to get couples counselling&cost etc? How do u go about getting it?do u ask gp?
Thanks to everyone that sent helpful replies.theyre much appreciated.

It's good that you want to work on things. If you google IAPT or improving access to psychological therapies it should come up with what's in your area and how to access. Also I believe "relate" is the couples service but not sure if it's called that in every area.

It's usually an easy self referral which is easy to complete online.

I wish you the best of luck in finding peace and happiness in your relationship. Life's too short to be upset x

Thankyou flower I will try those suggestions&see what I can come up with.hopefully we can sort things&he will agree to it.time will tell I guess.

Hi babayjane67 hope you are well.
Have a look at the thread about living on your own on here. It's bang on

Sorry rumred never saw this msg til now!
I will take a look at that thanks.
This is my other post.