Practical advice on separation

[Itssnowjoke2me]

I am separating from my husband of 5 years. He doesn't want to separate and I think he is going to make things difficult. I'm really hoping and aiming to be as amicable as possible. It's taken me a long time to get to this point and be brave enough to make the decision to separate. I've had years of verbal abuse which hasn't changed since the birth of our youngest dc. Christmas was awful an the final straw now I am ready to call it a day. He does not want to and will try to convince me to stay. He will use pressure tactics and threaten to make things very difficult for me.

What I want to know is does anyone have any practical advice on standing my ground and making sure I'm not pressured. We've been close to splitting before and he's presented me with a list of options with a 2 day time limit to decide. I'm expecting something similar this time.

I've listed 3 main questions but I'm sure there are more things to consider as my head is in a bit of a spin at the moment so any advice would be appreciated.

Also I'm thinking to delay divorce for two years so we don't have to give a reason. I could easily file for unacceptable behaviour but I'd rather not as I'm hoping we can eventual be friends and co parent effectively.

1. Can I start the process to claim additional benefits while he is still in the house. (I work part time and don't earn enough to support on my own)

2 Am I entitled to stay in the house if I take over the mortgage payments? We have two children the youngest a year old. I'm the primary carer and work part time. Can he make me leave and force the sale?

3 Is it reasonable to expect him to help finantially with the children as I'm the one ending it? And does this include nursery costs?

Thanks for any advice

but the warnings were there if I knew what to look for.

That made me think of mel b. In her book apparently she talks about red flags she wishes she'd known about before marrying Stephen belafonte

I really do think it should be something kids are taught in pshe yes ideally parents would teach it but we don't live in an ideal world and the parents could well be abusive/toxic themselves

Ncdv are supposed to be really good for domestic abuse and property issues

The main thing though is to stay safe, that's more important than any house!

Just popping in to see how you are @snow. Hope the call goes well with the advisor today.

I am doing ok. Managed to get out with some friends last night (almost unheard of, being allowed out - literally not been out in years!) but it was good fun and have a sense of calm that this is completely right decision.
Weekend was fraught - having to spend time together with kids etc and I am refusing to be pallypally which he hates. One DC was poorly so H took the other DC out for a bit which gave some mental respite.
Just not sure of next steps really - how to proceed with me moving or him moving etc. Trying to save as much as I can but feels like a drop in the ocean.

Sending

Just to add spoke to Gingerbread this morning and they were really great to speak to. Lots of info etc.x

@Amicrazyornot that's great that you got out with friends. I hope you went without being given his permission! What a sense of freedom that must have been. In the near future you will be able to do what you want, when you want and not answer to anyone!
I've spoken to legal advisor and citizen advice, they both said mediation is way to go. Citizens advice have arranged a meeting with a lawyer a free half hour consultation which is what I was hoping for. That's next Tuesday and I'll ask if she can recommend a good family mediator. Maybe you could try citizens advice again and see if you can get through?

Sorry @Ami I didn't see your other post about speaking to gingerbread. That's great! Do you have an idea of what steps to take next?x

@snow glad you are OK, was worried about you. How has he been with you?

Still feeling a bit stuck in limbo. Kids are still poorly so hard to speak on phone in front of them. From speaking to the lady at gingerbread the other day, i know that I will be OK financially etc it's just making him understand that it is over I am struggling with. I wish I had been more prepared so could act more swiftly.
Everything just feels so slow

Hi @snow just wondering how I were getting on xx

@snow - hope all ok xx