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Original poster

Ghosted or should I be more patient?

72 replies

MIA12 · 19/01/2019 14:51

Hi,

Met a man towards the end of last year when he was doing some work on my house. He text me after the job and things went from there. He often works all over the county so isn’t always around to make plans with. I’m ok with that as not looking to rush into anything too serious too quickly myself.

We made vague plans for him to come over last Saturday evening but when I called his mobile that day it went straight to a message saying ‘we can now send a free text to the person you’re calling as they’re not available at the moment’.

We had spoken a couple of days before for over an hour and left it as he would let me know if he was free to come over on the Saturday.

Tried to call him again midweek and got the same message on his phone. I also sent a text which hasn’t been delivered. Still getting the same message today when I call his phone, I don’t know whether that means his phone is off or has been disconnected. It’s the same message when I call from another phone so he hasn’t blocked my number alone.

Should I write this off or am I expecting too much? Bit disappointing as I don’t often meet men I like. But also not going to waste my time if he’s just messing me around.

OP posts:
Oddsocksandmeatballs · 19/01/2019 15:00

You made vague plans for last Saturday and you have heard and seen nothing of him for 10 days? I'd move on because it sounds like he has. Sorry OP Flowers, what an arse.

Notcoolmum · 19/01/2019 15:04

Delete his number and move on.

Sorry x

NameChangeNugget · 19/01/2019 15:05

Write it off. 10 days without contact, after such a short time of being together, says all you need to know

silkpyjamasallday · 19/01/2019 15:06

I had a guy 'ghost' me after we'd been seeing each other about six months, I really really liked him so didn't text or pester him when he said he was going to be away for a while travelling. I gave up waiting pretty quickly, after a month I had started seeing DP. Then he messaged me wanting to meet up because he was back from abroad, and I never replied to him because I was secretly quite hurt that he had 'ghosted' me. You never know, but best not to attach too much to him responding. Sounds like his phone could have been broken though?

Original poster
MIA12 · 19/01/2019 15:10

Thanks socks Yes, we didn’t have plans set in stone because he was working 2 hours away and it just depended what time he got finished/ whether he’d need to work the Sunday too. But he did say he’d let me know either way and hasn’t. So confusing when we’d been happily chatting a couple of days before.

Not unusual for us to not speak for 7-10 days and tbh that usually suits me as I’m busy with my own life and don’t crave constant communication. The unusual part is not being able to get hold of him by phone.

He’s slightly left me up the creek without a paddle as he’s half helped me do a job in my house that I can’t finish without special tools. Will have to find a someone who will come out and do it I suppose.

OP posts:
theworldistoosmall · 19/01/2019 15:13

Move on. It's not a relationship. He probably has females all over the country.

Original poster
MIA12 · 19/01/2019 15:15

Thanks for the other replies too Flowers

Yes if that’s what he’s done it’s very hurtful isn’t it silk I’d rather he just said he wants to leave it than this. I even said to him it was fine if he couldn’t make it, just to let me know.

Yes the broken phone is a possibility especially when it’s not just my number getting that message. But I think I would have found a way to get in touch if the shoe was on the other foot, getting his number off my phone bill or something.

OP posts:
silkpyjamasallday · 19/01/2019 15:22

I'd just try and not let it take up anymore headspace for the time being, if he gets in contact and there's some viable excuse then maybe you can start seeing each other again, but if not he is a prick and it's no loss. Ghosting is cowardly and so rude, I've almost thought about texting the ex to apologise for how rude I was in ghosting him back, but five years is a bit too late I think Grin

Original poster
MIA12 · 19/01/2019 16:12

Thanks silk it’s helpful to have someone to talk it over with. I ended up having surgery this week so I’ve got too much time stuck at home to mull it over. Keeping busy to keep it out of my headspace would normally be my plan.

Yes, I think after 5 years you’re best to leave it Grin Besides, I’d say you were hurt, not rude Smile

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 19/01/2019 19:39

Fwiw OP, i'd sack him off. He could find other ways to get intouch with you if he wanted to

I hope you have a lovely night planned in for yourself :)

SparklyMagpie · 19/01/2019 19:39

Also I hope your surgery went well, even more of an excuse to get binge watching and eating goodies :)

Original poster
MIA12 · 20/01/2019 11:10

Thank you Sparkly Flowers

I was talking to my friend about it last night and she thought I should either Facebook message him or call the company he works for and just ask a message to be passed on to him incase his phone is broken.

I don’t have Facebook but my friend found him on there. I could make an account but not sure if he’d get the message if we aren’t friends on there.

Not sure what to do. My friend doesn’t believe someone would ghost me but she’s highly biased to me! She’s quite sure that it’ll be a phone problem.

OP posts:
RiaParkinson71 · 20/01/2019 11:37

No don't ring his work or create a FB acct for that. It looks a bit eeww. If you only met him late last year then you really haven't been together very long. I would chalk this upto experience and leave him to it. You deserve better.

Original poster
MIA12 · 20/01/2019 11:53

Yes I’d probably say the same to a friend Ria the only thing making me wonder if it’s worth giving him the benefit of the doubt is that his number isn’t working at all. It isn’t like he has just blocked mine.

OP posts:
BIWI · 20/01/2019 11:58

You need to separate the work from the personal though. I'd definitely be in touch with his company and point out that the job he's contracted to do needs to be finished.

Based on how builder/tradesmen tend to work, I'd bet he's 'hiding' from you because he's taken on another job and knows he can't be there to complete yours!

Prioritise the work first and then see what happens on the personal front.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 20/01/2019 11:59

If he has got a problem with his phone then he still knows how to contact you as he knows your address. If he is keen he will get in touch.

thisusernameisrubbish · 20/01/2019 12:06

OMG do NOT contact him on social media - so stalkery. Like someone else said he no doubt has women all over the place. You have given way too much thought to this. Just because you think you clicked and liked him, he clearly doesn't feel that bothered to reach out to you. I'm not trying to be mean but as a woman who's been single a couple of years now I realise how cruel guys can be, and how they like to keep a lot of options all over the place. If you don't hear from him, that is your response. You really shouldn't even be calling him that much...if he wanted to get in contact with you he'd find a way. He knows where you live!

I think this is just a sign that you're over investing in one guy and maybe it shows that you're ready for dating - but also a valuable lesson in keeping your options open and not overthinking!

Dirtybadger · 20/01/2019 12:15

What sort of phone did he have?

This is a worst case scenario but is it possible he has a partner? I don't normally jump to this conclusion (even when it's true!) But given how much contact you have it would be quite easy for him to maintain multiple relationships. And if he didn't have a flash phone that you do tacted on it also seems possible he had more than one phone and has now just turned his extra one off if he has been caught out etc.

As I said, worst case scenario....

DelphiniumBlue · 20/01/2019 12:23

Don't make any more effort to contact him. If it was a genuine phone problem, he does know where you live, he could actually call round or write a note if he had no other way of contacting you.
Sorry, it's horrible to be treated like that.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 20/01/2019 12:31

If he's ghosting you, it's possible he's changed his number. I would not try and get in contact again. If it's normal for you not to hear from him for over 7 days, that doesn't sound like a real relationship to me anyway.

Musti · 20/01/2019 12:37

If he worked on your house, he knows where you live so could easily pop a note through the door saying he's lost your number and for you to call him if you still wanted to meet up. He hasn't contacted you because he doesn't want to, sorry.

Original poster
MIA12 · 20/01/2019 12:53

The job that he was officially contracted to do he finished BIWI . The other job that isn’t finished is one that I asked him for advice on as it’s his line of work and he offered to come and do it for me. So the only recourse I could have through his company would be to ask them to pass a message on, they aren’t responsible for the unfinished work.

True Sunbursts although he’s quite shy and we always make arrangements to meet normally so don’t know if he’d be bold enough to just turn up. Nothing I can do about that though.

Username I didn’t persue him, he persued me. It hasn’t been one sided. I don’t think he’s the type to have women everywhere but could be wrong. I take your point about contacting him on SM. I’m not desperate to have contact with him, I’d just like to know either way what’s going on.

Just before Christmas he did cancel a plan to meet up and I told him to be upfront if he wasn’t interested. He was quick to say that wasn’t the case. So he knows I’m a direct person and would rather be told.

OP posts:
Original poster
MIA12 · 20/01/2019 13:03

Dirtybadger It is a smartphone but an old one. Hadn’t thought about a potential r/ship and there’s things that make me doubt he’s in one but suppose it’s a possibility. That would be horrible.

Thanks Delphinium it is horrible.

Yes he may have changed his number Chocolate although seems an extreme thing to do when he could just send a not interested text. Like I said we were chatting just two days before like normal.

Yes you’re right Musti and it feels crap. Really don’t understand why someone would just disappear instead of letting the other person know where they stood.

OP posts:
happydays00 · 20/01/2019 13:31

MIA I think you're really over thinking this! You say you're not desperate to hear from him yet you say if your phone had broken you would look through your phone bill to find his number so you could contact him?! You've contemplated messaging him through facebook or calling his work??? Please do not do this! This all screams "desperate".

It's rude what he's done, and I do mean the best when I say this, but it really sounds as though he's just not that into you!

Let him go, if he turns up with a viable excuse, great, if not you haven't wasted any more time thinking about this. Concentrate on your recovery and let this one go.

Original poster
MIA12 · 20/01/2019 13:58

I meant if my phone was broken I’d make an effort to get his number back not just forget about him happy I don’t think that’s OTT? In any case my point was that he could be making more of an effort, if he wanted to.

If he had just blocked my number I’d take the hint. I would only consider opening up another avenue of contact because his phone seems to be broken or off. But I’m glad I asked on here as my friend suggested it and was quite sure it was the right thing to do, so it’s good to know others think it’s a no-no.

I take the rest of your points on board and will just leave it be. Thanks for your reply.

OP posts: