What’s going on here?! Red flag?? Me being precious?

[user000006590]

I’ve been dating someone for a few weeks. At first I thought he was very mature, calm, sensible, good at conversation. All was well. However I initially went to see him as logistically it made sense. Recently though he’s come to mine and this is what’s happened...

The times he’s come to mine he’s said the houses opposite look like council houses (they’re Victorian semis?), that the people are rude (he’s not spoken to any of my neighbours) and that he thinks the area is rough and my house is lovely but small. My home is on the outskirts of a city in one of the most affluent areas. I have a small house because it’s expensive. He’s also said he couldn’t bear living round here because the people are too snobby.

What’s weird is he has now asked me to look at a house with him about fifteen mins down the road, in an even more affluent area than the one I am in. The area he mocked only a few weeks ago. This would be a big move for him as he currently lives in the sticks opposite his parents, over an hour away.

He’s already been critical of the estate agent - they apparently should appreciate his business more as he’s looking at extremely pricey homes!!

He has a job that brings in masses of money so he’s no reason to have a chip on his shoulder about stuff. He strikes me as very insecure perhaps? I’ve worked hard to be where I am and I’m happy with my life so haven’t taken kindly to his comments which I believe are offensive.

Red flag or something else? Me being precious?

Even if you don’t dump him (you should) don’t view this house with him.

Sounds quite unpleasant. Bin for him!

Good grief he's a fast worker. At least you've quickly realised.

And no - you're not being precious.

Op I dated a man like this a few years ago. It didn’t last long at all thankfully.

He made exactly the same snide comments about my house ‘nice picture but it isn’t straight’, ‘nice doors but I’d have sent that one back because the shade is wrong’. It was the same with everything, lots of nice comments followed by a negative to take the shine off. He also took me to view a ridiculously expensive house he was considering buying. Looking back there was no way he could have afforded that house it was all just for show to go along with his bullshit view of himself.

After 3 months of being passive and going along with his crap we had a row and I called him out on his behaviour. We didn’t meet again and it was the best thing I did for myself. Once he was gone I instantly felt able to breathe again and realised he was way too full on with too many phone calls and texts, everything had been geared towards his terms.

Sometimes the start of these relationships feels a bit like being in a fog and you only see it clearly when you’ve walked away and look back on it. I’d also never met a man like him before and thankfully I haven’t since.

Red flags. He also sounds very contradictory...doesn't like council houses but the people are too snobby yet the houses are too small. It sounds like he'll keep making random contradictory statements so you can never be right. Next!

I think being a massive wanker can often be a red flag that they’re a massive wanker.

Flanuary

Yeah get rid OP. What a douche.

He sounds seriously unpleasant

You’re not being precious at all.

Thank you, next!

Yes, it’s very clear now isn’t it?! No red flags, he’s just skyclad head to toe in red. Lovely.

Please pop the nasty red newt back in the pond before he wipes something nasty on you (like his character and general demeanour).

Then he can go tell a minnow how he’s so superior as newts have legs and don’t live in That end of the pond doncha know...

Run.

Before you know it, he'll be telling people you live in a council house and have delusions of grandeur. To him, you are his intellectual, social and economic inferior. Especially with the 'that won't work for me' bollocks - seriously, he got away with threatening to dump you without a single care because you were working?

Let him make somebody else miserable.

And, no, underneath, he will not be a decent man. underneath, he will be a controlling and abusive man.

Fuck him off, he's an entitled prick!

Sounds like a proper cock. Kick him into touch

Flanuary, that made me laugh too. Very witty.

Ever thought he might be a gold digger...

Step one: knock your confidence and find fault in your living accommodation. In this frame of mind, buying a 'better' property with someone like him who has 'excellent' taste would be a fantastic move for social climbing (in his mind).
Step two: go house hunting with you, because he cannot afford to buy on his own but will spare you that nugget of information for now. "Why don't you buy with me, darling, and we can live the high-life together in our new, forever home"...will come later when he is forced to declare unexpected cash flow problems that do not allow him to proceed with the purchase on his own.

How do you know about his financial circumstances, apart from what he has told you? He could have loads of debt and be on a lower salary or not even doing the job he claims to. He could be renting his present home, or his parents could be funding it. You really don't know him long enough to have the full facts.

A friend of mine had a boyfriend just like this. Terrible snob and pretended to have capital, a good job etc. Raced to get married within 6 months, go house hunting etc...she found out he was in huge debt and told so many lies about his circumstances it was breath-taking. If he had married her, he would have taken her for loads of money, he had a history of doing just that. Take Care!

He needs to get one up on you, OP. He can't bear to think of you being in a better position than him.
I would be very surprised if the house purchase comes to anything. This is all about putting you in your place.
The snide comments were all to do with his own insecurities, and nothing to do with you or your home. You should be incredibly proud of your achievements (and it sounds like you rightly are, and not letting his arsiness affect you).
You need to get shot ... just in case you were still in any doubt

Yuck, these types are so draining. Constant moan about everything. The ones with a bit of money how everyone is so inferior to them. The ones without money bitter about anyone who has more.

Bin

Would dump!

Wow - he sounds awful!

Do come back and tell us what snidely response he gives to being dumped...

I have had a friend like this - although she was more subtle - but she would try and puncture your bubble of happiness because she feels she can!

We're no longer friends and she tries to make me feel guilty about it via mutual friends - but I refuse to feel guilty for NOT wanting someone to pick me apart!

I bet he says something really low when you tell him to sod off...

Just imagine living with such a man on a full-time basis. He sounds narcissistic. He should be showing you his best side at the moment - imagine 12 months down the line? He will be putting you down and the happy haven that you have worked for so hard will be a thing of the past.

What do you want from a relationship/man? Usually, the things that you do not like from the beginning will ultimately be the things that will eventually be the deal breaker.

Lose early and don't invest too much emotionally.

Bin him. He's a snobbish, arrogant asshole. He will only get worse.

OP please reply how it went. Hope you are ok and the crazy man didnt club you when you dumped him?