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Original poster

What’s going on here?! Red flag?? Me being precious?

104 replies

user000006590 · 19/01/2019 10:08

I’ve been dating someone for a few weeks. At first I thought he was very mature, calm, sensible, good at conversation. All was well. However I initially went to see him as logistically it made sense. Recently though he’s come to mine and this is what’s happened...

The times he’s come to mine he’s said the houses opposite look like council houses (they’re Victorian semis?), that the people are rude (he’s not spoken to any of my neighbours) and that he thinks the area is rough and my house is lovely but small. My home is on the outskirts of a city in one of the most affluent areas. I have a small house because it’s expensive. He’s also said he couldn’t bear living round here because the people are too snobby.

What’s weird is he has now asked me to look at a house with him about fifteen mins down the road, in an even more affluent area than the one I am in. The area he mocked only a few weeks ago. This would be a big move for him as he currently lives in the sticks opposite his parents, over an hour away.

He’s already been critical of the estate agent - they apparently should appreciate his business more as he’s looking at extremely pricey homes!!

He has a job that brings in masses of money so he’s no reason to have a chip on his shoulder about stuff. He strikes me as very insecure perhaps? I’ve worked hard to be where I am and I’m happy with my life so haven’t taken kindly to his comments which I believe are offensive.

Red flag or something else? Me being precious?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 19/01/2019 10:56

I wouldn't be asking anyone to view a house with me after a few weeks of dating.

0ccamsRazor · 19/01/2019 10:56

Dump and block

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 19/01/2019 10:56

He's not happy and comfortable in his own skin. He's attracted to women who are happy with their lives because that's what he's lacking but once he's involved with them he's bothered that the woman is happier than him despite being materially worse off. He doesn't have the emotional wherewithal to improve his own happiness so he tries to make the woman less happy to correct the 'balance'.

It happens in friendships too, women or men trying to convince themselves that their lives are 'better' by criticising things about other people.

You can't fix it, only he can fix himself. Let him go.

AnyFucker · 19/01/2019 10:56

category12 I love Harry Enfield Grin

Op...this one is a duffer. Throw him back.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 19/01/2019 10:56

Oh please let us know what he says when you dump his arrogant arse, what with you being his inferior n'all!
What a tosser!

Tinty · 19/01/2019 10:57

He’s already been critical of the estate agent - they apparently should appreciate his business more as he’s looking at extremely pricey homes!!

He has a job that brings in masses of money so he’s no reason to have a chip on his shoulder about stuff. He strikes me as very insecure perhaps? I’ve worked hard to be where I am and I’m happy with my life so haven’t taken kindly to his comments which I believe are offensive.

It sounds like he thinks that he is the bees knees because he earns a lot of money. Run a mile OP, men like this are always putting you down for not earning as much money as them, or expecting you to worship them because they are so wonderful earning so much money.
Also the people in your area are rough and snobby, how does that work then? Grin.

Original poster
user000006590 · 19/01/2019 11:00

Haha tinty I thought that!!

Shame he doesn’t have intellect to match his bank balance

OP posts:
CheggarsPlaysPlop · 19/01/2019 11:02

Please get rid. Mine was like this and it does stem from deep rooted insecurity, The trouble with deeply insecure people is that they are constantly trying to make themselves feel better by running others down. It's going to take years to recover

YouokHun · 19/01/2019 11:04

If he’s already tricky and you’re having to try and work out his game then he definitely comes with a warning. Your OP really reminds me of a school friend of mine who was really a livewire and is now so different 20 years down the line. Still married to him but a shadow of her former self from two decades of gentle undermining, fault finding and derision aimed at her and where she comes from; her ‘lower middle class family’, their tastes, their neighbours, their values. Ultimately we can see that he’s an insecure man who builds himself up by taking others down. Drop him while you’re still that livewire.

Original poster
user000006590 · 19/01/2019 11:07

youokhun love the username!

That’s really sad. I’m used to being around people who live in cities and have an awareness of all of that lifestyle. He’s 38 so you’d think he wouldn’t be so narrow minded?!

I’d never have criticised his lifestyle. I’ve actuallt never come across a man like this.

One weekend when I said I couldn’t meet for a few weeks as had loads on at work, he actually said ‘that won’t work for me. I don’t hold feelings when I don’t see somekne’

What the actual fuck

OP posts:
vdbfamily · 19/01/2019 11:11

I would say that if you like him generally, you should challenge him whenever he makes this sort of comment and see how he responds. Some peopleparrot opinions that their parents have raised them with or the people they hang round with think. If, when challenged, he truley thinks that he is better than someone less wealthy than him then get rid asap. Human worth is not attached to wealth. We are all equal

Billben · 19/01/2019 11:12

that won’t work for me. I don’t hold feelings when I don’t see somekne’

RUN!!!

Original poster
user000006590 · 19/01/2019 11:13

It’s definitely a case of parroting opinions. I’m quite opinitoned and will therefore challenge him. He can’t hold an adult discussion, his views come from childhood and his narrow minded existence. I think deep down he is a decent man, just unfortunately full of this sort of shit that he’s been brought up with.

I was like him when I was 18. I then met people from different backgrounds and woke up.

OP posts:
Kerrygeld · 19/01/2019 11:14

Let me make some guesses:

  • he has never married
  • he has never had a long live in relationship
  • he works in IT/tech job
  • he only eats particular food
  • his parents seem more normal than him.

How am I doing?

SeaEagleFeather · 19/01/2019 11:14

whoah.

that's not a red flag, that's a tin of red paint thrown across your window.

SeaEagleFeather · 19/01/2019 11:15

seriously, a comment like that is a sign something is deeply wrong.

Tenpenny · 19/01/2019 11:15

He's already showing you the seething contempt harbouring beneath the surface. Run for the hills

Dollymixture22 · 19/01/2019 11:15

.......he wears red trousers!!

YouokHun · 19/01/2019 11:18

And I should have said, the friend of mine is the one with the university degree, well read, cultured, artistic - all the things he doesn’t have and isn’t.

What he said to you about his feelings if you couldn’t meet up is so controlling. He sounds a potential nightmare!

As for the YouOKHun, that’s because I am anti MLM/pyramid schemes and that’s a common phrase among the Huns - perhaps this man you’re talking about is involved in something like that - needing to prove your ‘wealth’ and alleged financial superiority would be typical behaviour!

perfectstorm · 19/01/2019 11:18

He was trying to belittle and put you down, because you lived in a nicer area than he did. He's then trying to prove he's better than you by ostentatiously looking at larger houses in an even more expensive area. He makes subtle putdowns, such as the surprise that you can't afford a better house, and he plays games to make you feel insecure.

I'd end this while it is a relatively simple proposition, tbh. This is unlikely to get better, and the smaller and less sure you feel of yourself, the harder to end a relationship. Which is why some people do this, I think, and it sounds like he is one of them.

Bloomini · 19/01/2019 11:21

When you have to start a thread a few weeks into a new relationship and his attitude repulses you then surely you know it's not the one for you?

FWIW I bet he isn't as wealthy as he makes out and all this competitive sneering is borne out of envy. Next!

Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 19/01/2019 11:23

Money does not necessarily bring with it wisdom or nice happy personalities. He's negative already, in the honeymoon phase. Move on!

user1479305498 · 19/01/2019 11:28

My DH turned into a bit of a snob too, when we met 23 years ago he was happy enough in a 1 bed flat in a very good area and a camping holiday in Europe, a bit of success and there is something to moan at even in 4 star hotels and viewing houses (we rent quite big houses) is a bloody nightmare . This guy who hardly knows you is exceptionally rude OP, maybe he is a snob, maybe a show off , who knows but I wouldn’t hang around to see

TornFromTheInside · 19/01/2019 11:30

A few weeks and he is looking at houses?
Say no more.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/01/2019 11:30

I think you should have dumped him on the spot when he said that about not holding onto feelings when he doesn't see someone! Ta-rah then, shallow loser.

Please stop giving this one headspace - just dump him now and move on.